Feeling hopeless, depressed, angry

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lawbrat, Jun 27, 2006.

  1. lawbrat

    lawbrat New Member

    I'm fairly new here. I've done alot more reading than anything else. My bio tells about my diagnosis.

    Its not even been a year that i've had this damn FM, and I cannot cope. I feel like my kids take care of me more than I do them. I've taken a leave from school, and i'm SO close to being done.

    I hate what my life has become. I simply cannot imagine being like this for the rest of my life. How is that done? How do I get through? I've been trying more 'natural' things to deal with the pain, but none are helping so far. Granted, it hasent been that long.
  2. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    You're also in Michigan! That means you're probably getting deluged with a whole lot of rain like I am. (I'm northeast of Ann Arbor.)

    I am completely in awe of you. And darlin', you ARE coping. With yourself, two children, FM and getting your law degree. Amazing. I hereby will quit complaining about living alone. So what if you've taken time off? we all need that now and then. Begin again later. I know you will.

    You need to do some investigating of yourself and your symptoms, then try some things. Prickles can recommend things to you as can many of us here.

    Do you have a good doctor? Have you tried chiropractic and/or acupuncture in addition to a good general med doc? How's your diet? You might want to read my post called If You Want to Feel Better Read This. (I had to be bold and direct to get readers.) It's gotten long so grab a glass of ice tea. I think you'd find it interesting.

    Meanwhile, I wish you lived close enough to me - shoot, maybe you do but we'll never know - that I could help you.
    Take a deep breath and know that it WILL get better.

    Hugs, neighbor
    Marta
  3. lawbrat

    lawbrat New Member

    in my neck, shoulder, jaw area, and upper back. My doc has just prescribed me more and more pain meds- I take 1500mg of vicodin 2x a day and all it does is take the edge off.

    I am on an antidepressant- cymbalta- it helps with my mood, but nothing else.

    I also have finally been able to sleep with 30mg of restoril. For the past 5 nights i've actually slept! The pain is never ending.

    I have been seeing a chiropractor that does massage, and i'll ask him about pressure point massage.

    I'm going to try the epsom salt bath tonight, and a group of girls from school are getting together for a 'slumber party' this weekend at a hotel that has a sauna. I've been looking forward to the sauna! I'm typically always cold. Winters are horrible.

    I've also been trying this stuff called mangosteen juice for the last 2 weeks (a friend recommended it), so far nothing good to report. She did tell me to give it a month.

    We have also added more organic foods to our lifestyle, hoping that will maybe have an effect.

    Thank you so much for the ideas.

    Dawn
  4. lawbrat

    lawbrat New Member

    OMG the rain has been horrid!! When I see rain in the forecast, I want to curl up in a ball and hibernate!

    I'm in Lansing.

    I have a very good doctor. He has done many tests, prescribed things to help, and he's sending me to a pain clinic. My appointment is at the end of July.

    It just seems that I keep hiting dead ends and I just want to be me again.
  5. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    We understand how it is! I'm a few years older than you and also a full-time student, getting my nursing degree.
    I'm a step-mother and mom to my "bird-child."

    Stress of school is unbelievable!!! I have gotten progressivley worse since starting school and am in more pain now than ever. I have one more year till I graduate. And you?

    I was diagnosed 10-11 years ago at age 26. I do have many other ailments, but the pain and fatigue is the worst.

    I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and tell you we are all here for you.

    Best wishes


  6. lawbrat

    lawbrat New Member

    I have a total of 17 credits left, which is two terms, which is 30 weeks. I'd be done in December is I didnt drop all my classes this current term. Right now, I just cant do it.

    Its absolutely unbeliveable the pain that is daily! I'm blessed that my doc is aware of fm and diagnosed in a short time.

    On the flip side, knowing its forever leaves me emotionally drained. Before fm I just kept wondering how long it would take to recover from the injury I had. Now, there is no cure.

    I'm calling my doctor now to see in a change from the vicodin to oxycodone.

    I cannot begin to tell you all how the support here is so great. I feel so much less alone in this. I'm learning more things than when I just google fibro.

  7. onlythestrong

    onlythestrong New Member

    You have alot more in you then you give yourself credit for,there is not at least one of us who don't want to give up,then we go to bed and get up the next morning and things don't look so bleek.
    I am in Lake Odessa so I know how hard the Michigan weather is.
    Please remember your not alone we are all here for you!
    Take Care and hugs,
    Mary
  8. suzette1954

    suzette1954 New Member

    seeing a therapist.( I was messing up my family with the talk of ending all of it. I have enough meds to take care of it quick) Anyway, I dont have those feelings right now.

    You are right, it is terrible to know that we have no hope unless they find a cure. My FM just seems to get worse and worse. I saw a guy on tv the other night that was trapped under a boulder for 4 days on a mountain and then lost both legs and he is walking around with false legs and seems to be happy.

    Depression goes with the FM along with the brain fog and the relentless pain 24/7. I forgot how to turn on my dryer and to turn on the washer yesterday.Thats sad and funny at the same time. I figured it out but couldnt believe that happened.

    I dont know how you do it with children and school. I had to leave work over 2 yrs ago and I loved my job sooo much!!

    Prickles message was right on. I cant afford a massage but I can go to the ymca and take water classes. I truly believe it saved my life. Some days, all I can do is float in the water but when Im in the water, Im pain free. Then I have to get out and I cant take the pool with me. Mine also has a whirlpool and a sauna. Check on it. They reduced my rates due to my disability.

    Remember, we are in this with you and someone is always on that may be answer your questions.

    Suzette
  9. lawbrat

    lawbrat New Member

    from my significant other. He always tells me I dont give myself enough credit. Yet- when I manage to do the dishes I feel like a child being rewarded: Thanks for doing the dishes! The kitchen looks great!

    I need to just understand he's being supportive, yet I feel like a child. He hasent always been supportive, it took alot of communication to get to that.

    Suzette, I have so been there!! Just ending it, being done with the pain, done with the depression that has me feeling so helpless.

    Forgetting how to do things? OMG thats daily. I feel like my brain has went to mush. I made plans with about 5 other girls this weekend, forgetting about a wedding I need to go out of town for.

    I've had veggies and herbs to plant for 2 weeks now. I've been watering them in their containers, but I really want to plant them. I just dont have the energy or drive to do anything anymore.
  10. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    lawbrat:

    You will get the hang of it soon. This message board is filled with information that makes life so much easier.

    A few weeks ago I bought a shower chair, based on the suggestion someone gave me here. I am much safer now.
    I also took a few close call tumbles in the shower. Now I feel safe.

    Feel good, the best you can for the day.

    nyrofan

  11. lawbrat

    lawbrat New Member

    says there is no cure and that its something that i'll have to cope with.

    I've tried ultram and i'm allergic to it. I had been on morphine, and that didnt help either and made me feel like I could fly off a roof.


    Nyrofan, I hope it gets better. Right now I just try to push myself as much as I can, but I pay for it later.
  12. Astarte

    Astarte New Member

    I take Vicodan but sparingly because so far my freaking drs. don't have a clue on the pain I'm in and I only take it as a last resort but yes, sometimes I'm ready to kill myself and I need 24 hours of pain free.

    I start each day with 800mg of Motrin. Wait and bear it, then break down for Vicodan.

    How do you get your dr. to write for the one without the Tylenol in it? And is it your Rhuemy?

    I feel like an addict to ask for any pain meds, and I'm the personality that doesn't like to ask for anything in the way of help at all. I try to do everything myself and don't like anyone to feel sorry for me. This disease however has forced me to ask for help every now and then and face the fact I cannot do what I am used to doing.

    I honestly don't know if I can live this way for much longer. There's so much guilt with this disease in areas you never imagined.

    Star
  13. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    battle creek is where i was born...

    anyways....cymbalta made things way worse for me...sweating non-stop in all areas of the body...mood swings...weight gain...

    ultram i am allergic to also..and vicodin...rashes....flexerill did nil for me..tried zanaflex...and broke out in a hive head to toe...in e.r. for that one last year...atshma attack...itching and had to stay out of the heat it incresed it...completely...

    my new dr. put me on klonopin...5mg...to help w/sleep...then i increased ti to 1mg...then i saw the dr. again...last week he then said i looked depressed...whay i am i crying...i didn't know i was starting to cry...then the tears rolled...

    he said am i on an anti-depressant...i said no...he said why not..told all of the problems i have been having w/meds...and dr said to take a break and see what happens...

    so know i am on welbutrin...i have my son asking me what is wrong with me...he is 16 years old...

    i said i am running a fever...i can't sleep very well at al...money problems..etc..you name..no child support...using up my savings...

    anyways...
    maybe try some klonopin...at night time...

    jodie
  14. abbylee

    abbylee New Member

    I've been feeling the same way lately. I've had this dd since I was 10 years old, and I've just about had enough. I'm 55 now, and have taken almost every drug on the market that has any hope of helping this from thyroid medication to cortisone to narcotics to nsaids, etc. You get the picture.

    Since I've dealt with this for so long I can tell you with almost certain accuracy that you will go through times when you can't cope and times when you can. I try really hard to keep a positive attitude, but there are times when I can't.

    This group has helped me more than anything else, even more than the medicines that I take. This group is here and messages are scrolling 24 hours a day. If I wake up at 3:00 a.m., someone is posting on this group. If I don't come here for a while and then I return, everyone is always nice, concerned, and helpful.

    There have been times when I've done nothing but read the posts on this group, day after day, year after year, in fact, I've hosted a couple of pity parties right here on this group! And you'd be surprised at how many came to my pity parties. Even some of the moderators dropped in to see what was happening! We had a blast!

    Hang in there. I promise you'll have a good day soon. And if you don't, please let me know and we'll have a pity party for you, too.

    abbylee
  15. Aberlaine

    Aberlaine Member

    lawbrat,
    I'm so sorry that this DD has taken away your life. I can't imagine how you feel. I only know that I've been diagnosed with FM for three years and know I've had it for longer than that. Luckily, when it began to get bad, I was able to retire from my job.

    I take diclofenac for my tender point pain, and Ultracet for breakthrough pain. I'm also on Cymbalta, Elavil, trazadone, and levothyroxine. And, Flexeril and Ambien, as needed. I'm finding I can handle the pain, but the fatigue, fibro fog and poor memory are driving me nuts. I often feel like I must had Alzheimer's Disease.

    I've found that I need to take a nap in late morning or I can't function. Lately, I've been not only needing the nap, but going to bed early as well. I'm afraid that one day I just won't be able to wake up.

    These are all great suggestions. It's good to come here and find that there are others who feel the same way you do. That's the best pick-me-up you can find.
  16. lawbrat

    lawbrat New Member

    cymbalta. It seems to be working, but i've only been on it a month. I've not tried anti-virals or lycria. Never heard of them actually.

    I have an appt tomorrow with my doc, i'll ask him about those things.

    I have not tried that shake either. I'll search for it and try it. I'll try anything!!

    Thank you for saying there will be a cure.

    Jodie- the trying of meds is such a pain (pun not intended). So many! So much of your life just goes down the tubes with this DD. I just want it to end and be 'me' again.

    Abby- 45 years?? I can't even imagine. It hasent even been a year for me. I may take you up on the pity party at some point.

    Aberlaine- I'm the same with pain, memory and fatigue. It takes all I have to do a small typical task. Then, I need to rest afterward.
  17. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    I was in the litigation business 38 years. Only practiced law 6 1/2 years when I was stopped by CFS. Maybe you can find some less stressful area like teaching, research, writing, house counsel.

    I applied for a teaching job at Cal. State. I was told: Well, you're certainly qualified. We've had 107 applicants so far and they're all qualified. Apparently everyone wants a less stressful job.


  18. lawbrat

    lawbrat New Member

    finish law school first- lol.

    I have no idea what i'm going to do. I'm so close to finishing, that i'm going to finish- no matter what!

    After that- who knows?

    Thanks for the support.