Feeling jelous and resentfull of healthy people

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by greeneyes24, Jul 25, 2003.

  1. greeneyes24

    greeneyes24 New Member

    Does this happen to any of you? I live with my parents, my brother and his girlfriend and I'm 24. Unfortunatly I'm too sick to work or take care of myself. My brother and his girlfriend are 21. Often while I'm lying in bed to exhausted to move, I can hear them laughing and chasing each other around the house. I can't help but feel jelous of all their energy and than I just feel really sad. They have their whole life in front of them and what do I have? Then I hate myself for feeling this way..
  2. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    So sorry that you are so ill at such a young age. But to feel envy of your healthy brother and his girlfriend is not the way to get well.

    Rejoice in his good health, and thank the Lord that you have a loving family that is taking care of you.

    Many people here have no one that cares, and that is sad, but they come here for support, and most of them are the ones that give the most and they have the least.

    I will keep good thoughts about you, and send you many blessings too.

    Shalom, Shirl

  3. Jen F

    Jen F New Member

    Especially when friends are going to a party or out dancing.

    It's hard for me to know that many of my previous friends are professionals making a good living and having a good quality of life, esp when they look down on me because I am sick, like it's something within my control, an unfortunately widespread mindset.

    But, like shirl says, you're also happy that your loved ones are well and happy. it's what we all want. I am always happy to hear of people getting well, including a couple of friends of mine who had similar health problems as me. I am so happy for them and it gives hope for me. I do feel a little left behind, though.

    When you are young you really feel like you are missing out. I know.

    Hopefully with their love and support and educating yourself and trying the treatments out there you will find a way to improve your functioning and get at least some of your life back!

    J.
  4. Momskelleygirl

    Momskelleygirl New Member

    I just feel guilty that i am 40 and have to have my 78 year old mother take care of me instead of the way it should be with me taking care of her.

    My daughter and her husband are pregnant and i know she will never take care of me when my mom is gone, and my son and his wife are also pregnant, and had to move across state to help take care of her mother, and sister, so when my mom is gone because of my doctor i will have no one to help me. Unless, my husbund moves to Colorado (very doubtfull even though he wants us together).

    so be happy in the health in your family and count your blessings, as i do every day i have my mom, we never know when illness will strike any love ones no matter age. be glad you have your brother and his girlfriend and y9ur healthy caring family around you.

    Kelley
  5. greeneyes24

    greeneyes24 New Member

    Yeah, I used to love dancing! It's sooo hard being stuck at home or in bed. I didn't really mean jelous as in I wish my family bad health, no way, I just mean jelous as in it highlights even more how sick I am.
    As someone else said, I also feel very guilty that my mum has to take care of me, it's horrible, I even heard her pray at night how she wants God to give her my illness and make me well. Right after that I prayed for it not to happen. My mum will really do anything to make me well and I'm very gratefull for that even though I sometimes wish she would take care of herself and her own life a bit more. I feel like I'm letting her down by not getting better. I often pretend that I'm feeling better than I am so that she wouldn't worry too much.
    As for my brother and his girlfriend, I was never really that close to them. They are not very caring and supportive. My brother can say some pretty hurtful things. He also brings his friends over often, they are very loud and it makes it hard for me when I'm trying to rest.
    Thing that scares me the most is that I'm young and if I stay sick like this forever what then? How will I ever have my own family, career? Sorry guys I'm just feeling sorry for myself :(

    P.S. My brother and his gf are just getting ready to go to a party (it's Saturday night here) awwwwwwww[This Message was Edited on 07/26/2003]
  6. Momskelleygirl

    Momskelleygirl New Member

    your mom sounds like mine.
    i feel so guilty, that i too sometimes pretend to feel better than i do so she won't worry so much.
    like today she wanted to go to this minig town here to go gambling, ididn't feel like going, but if i stay home she don't enjoy herself, so i bit the bullet got my walker got in the van with my pain killers and a big smile.
    then half way there the car broke down. we got it to a mechanic, he said let it cool, and since it was mostly downhill, we would probally make it home (since it was just something making it flood up) well God was with us, and we made it home.
    Then I felt even more guilt because I was happy we couldn't go, and probally can't go until after the first.
    I know I can just let her go with my dad, but she worries so much and enjoys it when we all go, and she doesn't ask me for much, so when she does i really try to make her happy. kelley
  7. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    We need grief counseling to come to grips with what we have lost due to illness. This is the same process we go through when someone we love dies.

    It is important to nurture yourself spiritually and realize that everything happens for a reason even though we are often too limited in our physical realm to see the big picture. We are all here for different reasons and it is futile and destructive to compare ourselves to others.

    It is always heartbreaking for me when I see people so young who have to deal with our illnesses. My own children and a young friend have FMS, so I know how difficult it is.

    The other thing you can do is to learn all you can about what treatments are working for people here and, through trial and error, find things which help your quality of life. The Guai treatment has pretty much reversed my FMS symptoms and has helped others too, but like everything else, it doesn't work for everyone. When you start feeling better, your outlook will also improve.

    Good luck to you.

    Love, Mikie
  8. zggygirl

    zggygirl New Member

    Hi,
    Yup I get envious if that is the right word. I was driving home from the pharmacy (my day consisted of Pain & tears in bed in the daytime until I got my perscription in the mail and went to the drug store).
    Well I'm driving home it's about 5pm and a guy drives by in this really sharp looking convertible (he looked alright too *G*)
    And I'm thinking he is so lucky, friday night and off somewhere to have fun and all I am thinking about it getting home so I can take a pain med and hopefully get some relief. Fun day! ;-)
    On the flip side my girlfriend has a physically demanding job. She has her own lawn care business. It is hard on her as she is around 45 years old and does it all herself. But when she starts feeling down about it she says she thinks of me and is thankful that she CAN at least work.
    So we do help others in a odd sort of way without even knowing it.
    Perhaps my Mom appreciates her walks more now, because she knows I can not do that anymore and how much I used to love it! (And I am worrying that she feels bad because I can't)
    Ziggy
  9. Jen F

    Jen F New Member

    I hear ya...

    I do find that being ill at a younger age has a few other twists to it. the loss of your future that most people got is an additional horror. Other people at least had a marriage, career, children and I haven't been able to HAVE THAT at all, let alone LOSE that. In the case of a child, in some ways it's good that I don't have a child since I couldn't do as much as I would want to, but I do feel robbed of the choice.

    I feel for you regarding the noise of your thoughtless bro and friends. Try to do something about that if you can.

    i was made worse by living in a house where a crack dealer and addict had the upper flat and druggies lived next door, frequently waking me up in the night. {my neighborhood at the time went from being a cheap place to live but okay place with decent neighbours and housemate, to a crack haven within 2 years, esp after a few of my decent neighbours moved. Some crack people bought up a few of the places on the street and kept renting to their kind...Though it took me some time to figure all that out, I was not familiar with identifying drug users prior, esp if they were very nice and very good liars] Having our sleep and rest disturbed can have huge consequences.

    Then I moved here and for the first year or more they partied til 5 am in the mornings on Sat night and sometimes other nights. I tried to speak to them, I had to complain to the landlady, I tried communicating with the police, etc, but it took over a year to sort out and now they hate me. I used to go to a Church I liked on Sunday morning, but never could when I didn't get to sleep most of the night. I haven't been able to go for ages now. All the stress and the disruption of my sleep has played a part in my worsening.

    BUTTTTT!!! If you can lower your stress, and get the rest you need, your age may work for you. There have been many success stories for people recovering from CFS. But, it can be a long road and the sooner you start the more likely a partial or full recovery is. Try adjusting to one of the recommended special diets and see how it works for you. Also, see if you can try the herbs/supps which many people find helpful and are mentioned by Teitelbaum.

    I feel for you. I still have hope I will be out dancing sometimes.

    I can understand the problems with feeling guilty about your mom helping you.

    Momskelleygirl, I think you mixed me up with greeneyes. My mom helped me out some financially but is not there for me emotionally. she thinks I dwell too much on my illness and doesn't want to hear about it. She has a very comfortable home and life across the country in a beautiful spot, tho a very stressful job. even tho it is high paying, has her thinking about quitting.

    Good luck with getting through the noisy party, greeneyes, remember ear plugs and if you can get a fan or air filter or A/C going in your room the white noise may help, also rugs on the floor for sound absorption if above you or below you, and/or maybe a sound machine with. Go for the more expensive kind and listen to it first to make sure you like the different options and find them relaxing. I have one but the water sound just makes me want to pee. Then the tropical recording is so so so repetitive, it's not relaxing. Just the same squawking bird every 5 seconds, or thereabouts, but I think a better model would be very nice and helpful for me when there is noise around me, which there often is in this building. During the summer i have an A/c which helps with not hearing their noise. \\\
    J
  10. Chelz

    Chelz New Member

    Hi Greeneyes. I can't believe you posted this question, because I have been wanting to post one myself for a while. YES, I do feel envious of healthy people. I used to work in a real estate office for 8 years. If anybody knows realtors, they are very energetic people, and they have to be to make money. I worked there in a clerical position, so I wasn't showing houses or selling. I was never jealous of the money they made, because I don't need a lot of money, but, I was always wanting to be like them for the energy. Some of them could run all day long. At the end of the work day, I had a hard time walking to the parking lot and finding my car.

    Also, in that kind of job, there were a lot of parties and banquets that I could not always attend. So yes, you are not alone for feeling this way. I'm not there anymore, thank goodness, but it did affect me for a long time. I have come to realize that the little things in life can be just as good, if not better, than all that running and money. I am no longer jealous of those people, but it took me a long time to get to this conclusion, I hope you will too one day, because we are all special, no matter what. Hugs to you, Chelz.
  11. Hippen

    Hippen New Member

  12. dolsgirl

    dolsgirl New Member

    And I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. We have to get past it & we usually do, but it does bother me sometimes. Healthy people just don't realize how lucky they are. dolsgirl
  13. elaine_p

    elaine_p New Member

    or maybe envious. It's important for us to grieve what we've lost. But we shouldn't dwell on it.

    The first several years I had to grieve every time some new loss was made apparent. And I think I still have to, though since I think I've grieved the loss of most things (even some apparently ridiculous) there's not much else. But there's still the never-ending reminders that *we can't do that*. I don't think about it very often, but sometimes something really hits me.

    And don't hate yourself for your feelings. Feelings aren't bad. What we do with/about our feelings can be, though.