Feeling like I don't fit in .

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Oct 21, 2006.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I am feeling so alone and stressed. As I read all the posts here , I keep reading aobut those who take pain meds and those who don't.

    I am just feeling bad about me today. AS I have been reading the posts and see that no one takes the same amount of the same pain meds that I take.

    So I wonder what is up with me? Why don't the lower dose's work for me and why don't the long acting medications last as long as they claim to last? What is wrong with me? Am I just abnormal?

    I must be as I am one person who if there is a strange , or unusal reaction to any medication I will be the one to get it. I don't react to the long acting med like I should for me they don't last as long as they say they do.

    I once told a friend a friend what it was that I take and she said that if she took just 1 of my pain pills she would be in a perment coma. And I have had people tell me that what I am on could knock out a horse. So I feel like I am abnormal and not like I should be. I just want to react in a normal way but that does not happen for me.

    I have tried anitdepressants and they make me the wicked witch {only spelled with a B} and I get angry for no reason at all. This is not just from one medicaions it is from sevreal of them.

    I can't take steriods as they make me hurt more than they cure. I would reather be injected with liquid lava than to have a steriod injection. And the oral ones make me sick. So I am out of luck with that.

    I have been on the non narcoitc pain meds and I may as well suck on candy for all the good they do. Even now I don't take all of my meds as I some times fall alseep and then forget to take them on time and miss them.

    So I had my doctor reduce my long acting pain pills and if I can find some other way to help ease the pain I will have him lower it once again. I just want to feel like I fit in some where.


    I have a great doctor who does not prescribe more pain meds than I need. I shattered my left wrist 2 years ago and he upped the meds then to ease my pain from the badly shattered wrist and from having it put back in place and then ripped out again and then I had to have major surgery on in that included a plate and 6 screws.

    I have not ever asked to have my meds reduceds since then.
    But I did this past week. And I Hope that I will be able to do it again.

    Sorry for being such a baby. And I know that each of us are differnt and react differnetly to all the medications that we take.

    But to me I feel like I don't fit in with the crowd. I take far more pain meds than most people do in a while lifetime.
    Sorry for all the whining, maybe I am just having a bad day today. But I just feel so differnet than others do who are on narcoitc pain meds.

    What a baby I am.
    HUGS<
    Rosemarie
  2. monamea

    monamea New Member

    Rosemarie, have you thought about a pain clinic to help you get through the pain. Maybe then you can reduce your pain meds. Also, I also believe you need a change of meds. Have you told your Dr. how you feel? If not you need to tell him, he can't do anything different til you tell him. Try to hang in there.
  3. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    MScontin 100mgs x 4 I just had this one reduced by 1 pill and there are no pain clinics here that I can get in to . It takes about a year to get in to the only program that is in the state. so I am reudcing them on my own.
    MSIR 30mgs x 4

    Soma, 350 mgs x 4

    Xanax 1mg x 2

    Visteril 25mg's x3

    Valium 10mgs @ bedtime

    I have been on these for a while but they are the ones that have worked the best and are the one's that my inusrance will pay for.

    As the co-pay for something like Oxycontin is too expensive for my husband to pay for. So I have to take what we can afford at this time. I guess taht I just don't like being on pain meds. I get alot of grief from my daughter and it is hard to deal with .

    I just want to be normal and I am not going to be and I have to accept that now. I have been working on reducing my medicaions on my own as I feel it is best for me. And my doctor agrees he just wants to do it slowly so that I don't have problems .

    I know that we can get used to taking our meds and I am having the oppisite reaction as I am the one that is asking my doctor to reduce the amount I am taking as I have been trying to think more positive about my self.

    I am just having a bad day today as I over did it. And life has been so stressfull for the past few months as well....
    Thanks,
    Rosemarie

    [This Message was Edited on 10/22/2006]
  4. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    My doctor has a long conversation with me yesterday about how opiates work in our systems. We take them and they relieve our pain by filling up our pain receptors.

    After you are on them for a period of time,your body begins to form more pain receptors and when that happens, you need more of the drug to fill those new receptors. This is called "tolerance" During that time, you will start hurting again and your current dose of drug will not eliminate all your pain. The next step is usually to increase your dose of drug to deal with the new pain receptors.

    When I was on MS Contin it happened to me. I had such severe side effects anyway from the med,I was determined I would not increase beyond 60 mg day. That was two pills.'
    '
    When tolerance happended to me, I was anxoius a few hours before my next dose was due, and my pain was returning.

    My doctor has a patient from Canada who was in a terrible car accident five years ago. She was on all sorts of meds like Vidoden, MS Contin, etc. however they were not controlling her pain.

    Dr. Chavex took her off all opiates transitioning to Subutex/Buprenorphrine. She has a easy transition with no withdrawals. Her pain is controlled on a maintenance does of Subutex.

    I have been on Subutex for over a year and my pain is down to a level 1-2 each day. It used to be 9-10 for years.

    The only other meds I take it Tylenol Gel Cap and Nexium. Also Ambien to sleep.

    It is very hard to go up and down on the doses of these drugs without having terrible pain. Subutex really does fill the pain receptors and it much less hard on your body.

    My doctor is happy to consult wiht doctors in other states about the Subutex protocol. He recently wrore a paper on using Subutex wiht Fibro patients.

    Dr Chavez has a wevsite where is discussed Subutex and pain treatment.
  5. blueski31717

    blueski31717 New Member

    I will tell you like I told my daughter when she asked why was she the one to be different / abnormal when she was dx with her disease...( her disease is a very rare bone disease.)

    Baby, you are special and unique. The lord blessed you with this disease, yes blessed, to teach other people how to tolerate different and abnormal ( special and unique) people. I also told her if she taught just one person how to have empathy for others that are different and abnormal ( special and unique) then imagine the people they will teach.

    I am sorry you hurt so much, I am thinking of you and what you are going through. I wish I could help ease your pain.


    blueski
  6. maedaze

    maedaze New Member

    If your pain meds are working for you, then stay on them, never mind what other people think you should or shouldn't be taking.. we are all so different and this disease hits all of us differently, and it has certainly hit you with pain.

    Unfortunately there is nothing herbal that works out there for pain any where near as well as what a pharmacutical med can do. I have looked and tried but the only thing that gives me relief is medication.

    In fact the only time i have been pain free and felt great has only been twice and that was when I was hooked up to a morphine drip - but had to have surgery first!!!

    If I could plug into a morphine drip every day I would! Even my son says, you know mum, thats the happiest i have ever seen you!!!!

    Hope tomorrow is a better day for you. But if you are in pain DO take your meds. Just because you need a higher dose than someone else is no reason to punish yourself, this disease does enough of that on it's own.
  7. Liz919

    Liz919 New Member

    I'm not sure about med levels and all since by doctors won't treat the pain but you're not the only one who has funny reactions. I'm INFAMOUS for getting side effects. Some people are expecting, some that are heard of but not normal, and otehrs that have NOTHING to do with the known effects. I've had to be hospitalized while I've waited out a bad reaction. I've seen things, heard things, felt abnormal compulsions, been hyper when I should have been sleepy, I've done it all. Don't feel alone. You're not the only one who has to warn their new doctors. : ) Be strong!
  8. 1faith

    1faith New Member

    rosemarie-you do "fit in" by nature of your suffering-the amount of med it takes to relieve it has nothing to do with it.
    Do NOT judge your "normalcy" based on what works for others-what matters is what works for YOU. Pain is subjective-no one knows how bad it is but you. And different folks have diferent degrees of pain-there are folks on this board who could probably take nothing if they had my pain-and I can't hardly function with it!!
    PS-with all the spinal problems you have (which are serious), there's no doubt to me your pain is severe. I've seen grown men cry and not be able to function with some disc issues. You've got legitimate reasons to hurt! The ONLY thing that matters is easing the pain-stop worrying about the rest of it!
  9. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    We are all different. Honestly, if I was not so med sensitive and scared of meds I toto would take meds. I do not think you are on very high doses either.

    Pain receptors are very different in all people, so stop beating yourself up. There are plenty of folk here on a lot of meds, stop worrying.

    Love Anne
  10. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Pain and our pain threshold are definitely individual things. So is our reaction to pain, or any, medications. You are not abnormal or someone who doesn't fit in. You are you, with your own tolerance levels.

    Discuss this with your doctor, if you have been with that person long enough so she/he knows you, and go from there. If you need a strong dose of meds than your neighbor, or a lower dose for that matter, it does not make you unusual.

    We all have to live our lives, and sometimes that means medications we would prefer not to have to take. Get good advice, and then go from there. Warm hugs!
  11. zenouchy

    zenouchy Member

    Dear Rosemarie,

    You are wonderful no matter how you treat your fibro! As others have said, even though all of us have fibro, we are still so individualized in terms of what works in treating it. I have bipolar II (and often feel a bit isolated in that I don't see many people here that do, although my psychiatrist says that he sees tons of people with bipolar that also have fibro, but why aren't they on this message board??), which happens to mean that I'm also very sensitive to anti-depressants.

    Sometimes I read about what others are doing to treat a certain symptom and know it would never work for me in a million years, but I know we're all so individualistic. However, I occasionally feel like an oddball when a bunch of people jump on the bandwagon saying how great it is for them as well. (Why not me too?)

    Your friend might not have realized she was being a little (if not a lot) insensitive. Everyone has a different tolerance to pain meds. The most important thing is that the meds you take are helping your pain and allowing you to live as close to a normal life as possible. No one should judge you for that in the slightest.

    Wishing you a happy, pain-free day!

    Warm hugs,

    Erika
    [This Message was Edited on 10/24/2006]