Feeling really bad....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by neoplus1, Jul 16, 2012.

  1. neoplus1

    neoplus1 Member

    I have CFS/FM(at least that is the diagnosis for now until everything else is ruled out). I am pretty much housebound but I at least can get out of bed. About three months ago my girlfriend of 8 years cheated on me multiple times and then broke up with me. I know that she is spending a lot of time with the guy that she cheated on me with....

    A lot of it had to do with my ilness and in recent months before the cheating I had become a little bit depressed so I wasn't trying as much to get myself better, but how can someone do this? I could never do that to someone. Especially because of them having an illness. If anything it would draw me closer to them because I am the type that when I love someone, I share their pain. I just feel so terrible because she was my soulmate and everything to me. I just don't know what to do with myself these days. I am still much in love with her and would give anything to have her back. I truely hate this illness. Thanks to anyone reading this.
  2. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    I am really sorry - that's a tough position to be in. Fortunately or unfortunately, you have a lot of company on this board. CFS was a major contributor to the breakup of my marriage of 20+ years. But I found it was much less stressful living without someone who lacked understanding or empathy, than with them.

    I hate this illness too, and am doing everything I can to regain my health. Research as much as you can - don't rely on your doctors - most of them know next to nothing about this illness. People are making progress, but generally it's when they take charge of their own health.

    There's lots of info on this board. Another good one is Phoenix Rising - you'll get a lot of support on both boards.

    Take care -

  3. Saoirse3

    Saoirse3 Member

    I have been there before, not where you are but in so much emotional turmoil that I just wanted to lay down and never wake up. But then I realized that it didn't have to be that way. I had so much to give and although I THOUGHT these people loved me, they loved me for what they could get out of me. And they didn't love me for who I was but what I had. Material things - STUFF. I realized that if they didn't love me when I was sick, they could not have loved me when I was well. And feeling terrible was letting THEM have control of me. Now, I'm not a control freak by any stretch of the imagination. But I AM Captain of THIS ship, and I'LL decide where it goes, what ports it stops in and what battles we fight. You sound like a kind and caring person. Take your life back and don't let anyone control how you are going to feel. Don't set up roadblocks to your own happiness - "I'd be so happy IF..." Just, simply BE happy because someone loves you. I DO! I believe you are worthy of being loved and so I love you!

    Just a suggestion - do you have a pet? A cat if a wonderful healer, if you're not allergic. I have 3 cats and 4 parrots and we sing, we dance, we share our days together. They know when I am having a bad day and draw closer. They have given me so much in my life. I also volunteer at the wild bird rehab. Some days I don't do much more than clean a cage or just sing to the injured birds. Doesn't matter that I am singing in Irish - they can understand. Just the feeling that someone is there and they cared, even if just for a moment.

    I also meditate for ten minutes every day, at the start of my day. I am new at it, but it makes me feel so much better! And I make sure I treat myself to one nice thing per week. Lunch at my favorite restaurant, a bunch of flowers, a walk by the river, a movie - just something that tells me "I am worth this and so much more!"

    We are all here on this board together and some of us (most of us, actually) have all experienced something heart wrenching in our lives. Some of us are still going through it, some of us are trying to get over it. But ALL of us care about each other. We're always here if you need us!

    Soft hugs,
  4. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    May I call you Neo? Welcome to the board. Sorry to hear about your
    tough situation. Yes, as Jam and Mary said, these DD (damned diseases)
    take away a lot including friends and loved ones. Most of them can't understand how ill we are since we have no obvious signs like limping, turning blue or breaking out in spots.

    I think it would be therapeutic if we could all visit Stacey and sing and
    dance with her and her bird friends. My social life these days is the board. You
    might want to visit the Chit chat board. Talk about pets, music, cars,
    movies, whatever.

    Do you have hobbies? Read? Listen to music? Are you active enough to
    have a pet? Tough to meet new people when we don't get out much.

    Good luck
  5. neoplus1

    neoplus1 Member

    Thank you so much for all of your responses. It really is a shame that some of the closest people to us would leave us at the worst possible time. I do understand it couldn't have been easy for her, but at the same time what is meant when you say you care about someone if you leave them like that?

    I am feeling a little bit better emotionally now. When I wrote that post I was just having a really bad day. It is hard though because I was going to spend my life with her. I still think about her every day and she's in my dreams all the time. Maybe some day we will get back together. All I know is I want my health and function back. I am 27 now and started feeling ill when I was about 21 and it has continued to get worse year by year. The last couple of years I have been very disabled but still get out of bed. I live with my mom and brother so thank God for them.

    I will be seeing a rheumatologist very soon and we will finish ruling out any other possible causes for my symptoms. I have heard good things about this guy so I am hopeful.

    Again, thank you all for your kind and caring responses. I will keep you all in my prayers and I hope you all are doing well and will begin to feel better if you are not already.
  6. neoplus1

    neoplus1 Member

    "time is on your side...so do the work..."

    Very encouraging words jam. Thank you :)
  7. MicheleK

    MicheleK Member

    Dear Neo, I am sorry that you have been sick for these early years of your life when you should be able to live carefree. I am sorry that the girl who you felt was your soulmate, hurt you.

    These illnesses are hard on not only us but those who love us. People can love you and make mistakes. It happens all the time. We are all imperfect and living in a very imperfect world where moral boundaries seem to have dissovled. We all have to make the choice each day as to who we want to be as a person. We also have to make the choice of how we will handle other people's decision's as they affect us. It's tough sometimes.

    Would you please let us know how your doctor appointment turns out?

    Also, know that there are many out there who will love you and be loyal to you, ill or not. I married my husband when I was quite ill. I have lots of CFS & FM friends who also did the same thing. I even have a couple of friends who married each other and have the same illnesses. There is happiness in your future. I wish it were with the girl you now love, but life isn't a fairytale and sometimes we don't get the one we think we really wanted. Hang in there. Hugs, MicheleK
  8. Jittle

    Jittle Member

    It is very upsetting to hear what happened to you: If anything "we" need people who understand and CARE. I have a great husband: I don't know how he deals with me, especially when I hve my break downs.

    I know how hard it is to move on, but please try to limit your stress: I know that makes me sicker, and more tired.

    Its great your mother and brother are there to help you. A great support system can be a life saver.

    Good luck, hope all goes well