Feeling really desperate tonight

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by tjhoesch, Sep 19, 2003.

  1. tjhoesch

    tjhoesch New Member

    I have been waiting for 2 years for disability and finally got a hearing and if I'm approved, I won't receive any money for at least 5 months. Yes, I had a lawyer. But, I'm so depressed tonight! I've been a prisoner in my house all week because I don't have enough money to fix my car. Bus stop is too far away for me to walk. My kids all think I'm just lazy and it hurts so much. My boyfriend of 4 years just took a week vacation and I didn't hear from him all week. I think he found somebody else. It hurts because before he took this time off we tossed around some ideas of what we could do together that week. I get so lonely. Please pray for me. TJ
  2. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hi TJ~~Sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I don't understand why some people are approved for disability in a matter of months while others are made to wait for years in survival mode. But, I hope you get good news soon.

    I know from experience how much it hurts to feel abandoned by your boyfriend especially when you all talked about what you would do "together" on his vacation.

    However, don't allow suspicions and assumptions to make you prematurely heartbroken. It could have been that he needed to spend some time alone--I know I get that way from time to time. Or perhaps he wanted to do some things that he knew you wouldn't be able to do. And then sometimes people close to us need a break from our illness....they need to feel "normal" again. He could be doing some Soul-searching and needed the solitude. Maybe he went with some other guys to do some guy-stuff. And, then there is the possibility he found someone else, but if so--he is a chicken-shit for not being honest with you.

    But whatever his reason is for going without you--making yourself miserable over it and stressing yourself out isn't going to change a thing. I know it hurts, and I know how we can obsess and our thoughts go rampant in all kinds of negative directions. But, you need to take care of yourself. IF he no longer wants to be in the relationship, then it just wasn't meant to be, and it's time he moved on so he can open the space for the right one to move in.

    In any case, you are not alone. We are all here for you, care about you, and know what you are going through. I'm 54, and I remember going through what you are experiencing. It hurts, doesn't feel good, and makes us crazy for a while--but it all works out in the end. In the meantime, you have us, and we are here for you. May God Bless You REAL GOOD! Carol....
  3. tjhoesch

    tjhoesch New Member

    Thanks so much. It's tough for me because I have no immediate family here, but my kids. I got into it today with my 17 yr.old daughter because she's lazy! She never helps me around the house and if I Do ask, she makes a big deal about it and not worth the energy fighting about it. She has insomnia like me so she's up all hours of the night and sleeps all day. This morning when my housemate's alarm went off at 5:00a.m.I got up and found her downstairs watching TV with some boy I've never met. She's a good kid, but has no motivation. My older son, who also doesn't even try to understand my FM says I'm the reason she's like that because I sleep all day and don't work. I told her today I stay in bed because I ache all over, then, when it finally wears off, I get up, get dressed and ready for the day and start doing housework, etc. I told her I have an excuse and she doesn't because she's not sick. I started working when I was 10 years old-- babysitting. Plus she smokes and needs to get her own money to support her nasty habit. I asked her today,"Don't you want to have your own money to spend any way you like without asking someone else for it?" I told her to go back to her Dad's because I was tired of watching her lay around all day doing nothing. He has custody of her, but she spent all week over here with me. She gets on my nerves because she's so lazy. Sorry to ramble on. TJ