feeling sad... no one understands...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by asherahca, Dec 29, 2006.

  1. asherahca

    asherahca New Member

    I'm feeling rather alone right now..
    It seems no one around me understands what i'm giong through. They just seem to think i'm a hypochondriac or something.
    They haven't come out and said it but all I hear from "friends" or family is "Go to bed earlier" or "I'd be tired with 3 kids too "

    I tried to explain it to my Mother-in-law the other day when we were visiting but she seemed to think I was making it up. But then she never thought much of me...=(

    She said "I needed a nap when he kids were young too... "

    .... I dont know what to do... sometimes I feel like i'm just being an idiot and maybe I am just being lazy like everyone seems to think I am. But then I wake up in pain and exhausted every day !
    My arms, wrists, shoulder and fingers ache, my back kills me, I'm so darn tired that If I dont lay down I may just pass out right on this spot. And stairs are my enemy...
    But wait.. i'm just milking it so I can be lazy..

    I'm so frustrated and sad right now ...=(

    I tried to explain to my husband just how I felt and he just seemed to be mad at me... =(
    I guess i'm just supposed to shut up...

    amanda
  2. mamagibby

    mamagibby New Member

    Hi Amanda, I just wanted to let you know that your not alone! This group has been a real life saver for me, we DO understand.I don't usually post but your words touched me so deeply that I had to write you.
    I think the old saying is true, that unless you walk in someone elses shoes you can't begin to understand what that persons life is like.
    It's like trying to explain the color blue. to a blind person.How can you explain our headaches to someone, that can take a tylenol and make it go away! Not to mention all the other body parts that hurt like ****.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is to not look for understanding or compassion from those that can't understand!
    Looking "normal" on the outside does have it's drawbacks!!
    If I could make a sugestion to you it would be, when your hands permit-write in a journal, or type it. This is for you, your private place where you can pour out your grief or frustration and loneliness. Please don't stuff your feelings-that's why we're here, to let you know that your not alone in this DD. We care, we understand, and we really know what it feels like.
    Wishing you feather hugs, and a soft spot to land,
    Mamagibby
  3. mindbender

    mindbender New Member

    I'm to tired to type right now. But that's because it's 5:00 in the morning. not because I've been working all day. Unfortunately this is just the beginning. No one is going to understand girl. Come on in the water's warm.

    Danorsum1other
  4. robeybeth

    robeybeth New Member

    Please try SAMe. It really helps ease pain and lift the spirits. there are no side effects. Also try zyflamend which ia an anti-inflammation producy which totally eliminates pain.
  5. Suzan

    Suzan New Member

    Even those of us with support end up feeling alone at times. Feeling badly day after day takes it's toll. You didn't mention if you had been diagnosed by a physician, having an official diagnosis is a good first step. Having your husband go in with you to the doctor so he can hear about the illness, and what to expect, and what to do so that you can manage your illness, that can also be very helpful. Getting your husband to understand what you are dealing with is the best first step. Dont' worry about what 'friends and family' may say...IF they are mean about you being sick, then maybe they are not as loving to you as they should be or as you thought they were.
    It is tough to have an illness where the symptoms are mostly invisible...but nonetheless, you are sick. You deserve understanding and support. Unfortunately you may have to fight to get it!
  6. Lendy5

    Lendy5 New Member

    Hi amanda - I am sorry your family is putting more stress on you by not supporting you. All we want is to be acknowledged that we have an illness that robs our life of so many activities that we use to be able to do. It's hard enough trying to get doctors to believe us.

    There are some great letters here that you can search and print and hopefully your family might read and try to start understanding.

    Sometimes spouses can put up a front because they feel scared and useless because they don't know what to do to help. How did your husband act before you got sick?

    I know how frustrating this can be and know that you are not alone and you have all of us here that completely understand and support you unconditionally. I wish you the best of luck and I will keep you in my prayers. (((((HUGS)))))

    P.S. I posted these on the front page.
    *Letters To Normals
    *The Spoon Theory
    *My Name is Fibromyalgia.

  7. Shelbyeatenton

    Shelbyeatenton New Member

    Hi Amanda,

    I really and completely understand how you are feeling. I am going through a period of real depression with coping with this illness and people that i thought were my "best friends" have disappeared and my family are just coming back on the scene because of my state of mind.

    However bad you feel and however little support you get from people that surround you in your life you always have this board and the people on it. We understand the struggles and will help you through them and cheer you through the triumphs!

    Stay positive...
    Shelby

    PS. Mamagibby (?) - with the kind words you gave to Amanda you should post more often! :)
  8. asherahca

    asherahca New Member

    My husband tries to be supportive but I think it's hard for him because he very much wants it to be "egual" between us.
    He just wants me to keep the house clean, take care of the kids and make dinner.
    So if I can't do that it frustrates him.
    He understands when he comes home and i'm so tired and he tells me to go to bed.
    But the thing is he wants me to make it better.

    I went to the doctor here and he did a bunch of blood tests on me and declared me healthy. ppfft

    I asked him abot CFS and he said.. yes.. it could very well be that so my advice is get excercise.
    I go for a walk every day.. it doesnt help.

    I have a cold right now and it's kicking my butt heh

    amanda
  9. mxmom419

    mxmom419 New Member

    Girl, I know exactly what you're saying. I have 3 teenagers and between them and my husband and even people who I thought were my friends... just don't get it!!!

    Read ms. Carolin's post "spoons" It is great!!!

    The funny thing is that after being sick a year I finally found a dr who is going to help me, or at least doesn't make me feel like a bother. Anyway since I found the dr and I started getting my hopes up my friends and family seem angry. Like they are mad that I might actually find out what's wrong and be able to fix it. I don't understand!! Because maybe they thought I've been faking it... and now there might be truth to how I feel...Is they're guilt turning to anger? I made them not believe me? Am I making them look like idiots? Hey that was my opinion when they wouldn't listen. I don't know hon, only God knows.

    Anyway if you ask... the people here have been so helpful to me and so understanding. They will give you the strength you need.

    Hang in there.
  10. Empower

    Empower New Member

    Dear Amanda

    You are not alone, I know the "so tired that if I don't lay down I will fall down" feeling!!!
  11. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    amanda:

    I wish you to feel better very soon.

    Have you tried a rheumatologist. Sometimes they can help with the pain.

    Maybe your doc can prescribe something for pain.

    Either/Or: I hope you feel better soon.

    nyrofan
  12. survivor13

    survivor13 New Member

    Hi Amanda
    I have just joined this site and yours is the 1st message which i have read and i feel for you with all my heart. i notice your posting time is early hours of the morning and i can tell you that there is no lonelier time than between midnight and 6am when you are in so much pain and desparate just to sleep!!The whole house is quiet and you are beside yourself in the dark,alone,in pain with no one to talk to,its just the worst ever.
    I have a similar mother in law to you, i call her the 'outlaw' not the inlaw who insists on giving me advise on MS which despite many times of telling her i have FMS it does nt penetrate.so i sing a song in my head while she is talking to me and beleive me what you cant hear cant annoy or upset you, pmsl. it works!! The walking stick idea is a life saver when you are out and about as the illness we sall share is invisible it shows the world a visible tool and a clue to the fact that you experience mobility problems and you will be amazed at the help you will be offered,doors open in front of you,kind employees pack your bags in shops etc. On top of all that its a great help to lean on as you walk along or stand in a queue.I find it gives my husband a focus and a kick up the bum as to the fact that i have problems even though he is great and does all heavy housework and employed a lady to do my ironing.He still would rather ignore my FMS as it terrfies him,poor soul.
    So Amanda,i hope you feel better very soon and that i have nt waffled your head too much in my attempt to help you.
    chin up girl,the only way is up as they say xxxxx
    xxx (((((powerhug)))))xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  13. juliejo

    juliejo New Member

    Hi Amanda,
    Some day's ago i was so desperate and lonely, yes sad too and my husband said enough and wanted us to split as he too is fed up with with DD.

    Well we have talked and seem to be so much better but the only one's who can truly understand how we feel are us so it's rearly like talking to a brick wall some days is'nt it.

    Please keep coming on here and putting down in word's how you feel as it does make you feel so much better to express yourself like this. Well i find it does and i know loads of other's do too.

    I have spent the day in bed today with dreadful pain and havent been able to see alot of my family over Christmas.(my choice), as they too just look at me as if i was making it all up if i as much as say i hurt anywhere and need to find somewhere quiet. I have since stopped worrying as much as i used to as they will never ever get this or understand it.

    I know i am ill and that's all that matter's to me now and i am not mad just damn well very ill and would'nt wish this on my worst enemy.

    My husband too get's mad with me as well but with him talking he has said it's because he feels so useless and helpless and worried for me that he can't handle it so i have told him now to talk to me how he feels as he is living with this DD too but in a totally different way.

    Hugs on the way too from me and hope this helps just to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!.

    Take care and god bless.
    Julie jo.