feeling unreliable and hating it

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ladyhawke70xy, Aug 18, 2006.

  1. ladyhawke70xy

    ladyhawke70xy New Member

    How do you deal with the feeling that you can't commit to anything because you have become totally unreliable? I don't know from day to day, or even morning to afternoon if I will be functioning or in bed. How on earth am I supposed to live like this??????????????

    Also, I am feeling frustrated as certain "friends" seem to no longer have any use for me, now that I am "useless" to them. I seem to have become persona non grata because I can no longer do things for them.

    I know that just shows who my real friends are, and how shallow those friendships were, but it HURTS. I feel like I've been caught up in a whirlwind and everything that gave me value and made me who I am has basically been stripped away. Just taking a shower or baking a cake wipes me out! How am I supposed to live like this?
  2. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    My family and friends have kind of stopped asking me to do anything. They figure I will back out at the last minute. If they do ask and I don't go, they seem to pout. I could be just being paranoid, but I just feel this way. i don't blame them for not asking. It takes the pressure off, but it still kinds of hurts and makes me feel like they are being mean for not asking. It kind of is like a two edged sword. I am glad to lose the pressure, but miss being involved.
  3. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    My brain is stalling. I'm sure someone will have something helpful and kind to say, so I'm bumping for you!

    I love your username.

    As for doing less... I remember it was brutal getting used to in the beginning. Then I started to redefine what a normal day was for me.

    ((bump)) Shannon
    [This Message was Edited on 08/18/2006]
  4. dustyfairy

    dustyfairy New Member

    I can soooo relate!! I have lupus sle, and I never know from one day to the next sometimes even one hour to the next when I will be totaly wiped out and too weak to do ANYTHING. I have two little grandsons and a daughter who even limits my involvement with them because of this. Freinds? yeah right, very few, and I know how ticked off it can make you at your body. Our lives SUCK, but...try looking at it this way...at least now people don't put too much on you or demand too much. Acceptance was and still is the hardest thing for us to do. But we have no choice now do we? All we can do from this point on is actualy the same we used to do...be the best that we can be, except now that best has changed a great deal. But know this, inside you are the same person, with the same heart, listen to it, maybe our bodies are just trying to tell us, "ok you have done more than your share, now rest awhile." I know it's extremely hard, just do the best you can do and don't beat yourself up over it, just try to stay optomistic...one day at a time. Your in my prayers.

    Signed one dusty fairy! who's going to nap now, lol
  5. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    I was a little shy about posting this earlier, but I wanted to say last time I read your post that I wouldn't call you unreliable. You're sick, and you won't be able to do the things you did before. But it's not your fault.

    A lot of things that I used to think of as bad personality traits in myself I now know are symptoms. Like, when I had brain fog, I thought I was stupid. When I needed quiet, I thought I was being demanding and bossy to my family. When I found out I couldn't tollerate certain foods, I thought I was being picky and a wimp. I was very hard on myself any time a new symptom or limitation cropped up. But I kept comming here and learning more, and my feelings of guilt and failure are going away.

    As you share with people you know what is going on, people will learn that your body doesn't work the same way anymore. They won't totally understand how you feel, but they will start to recognise that you can do less now. Don't be embarrassed by your symptoms or blame yourself. Nobody chooses to be sick this way. Friendships are still possible even in extreeme illness. People will come to accept the changes, and you will meet new friends too. (( ))

    You said, "I feel like I've been caught up in a whirlwind and everything that gave me value and made me who I am has basically been stripped away." You are still in there, Ladyhawke. A tree in winter is stripped bare of all its leaves, but it is still beautiful, valuable, and still itself. Losing the leaves reveals what it is at the core. I didn't know who I really was until I became disabled.

    This get easier. :) Trust me, it get easier!
    ((love)) Shannon

  6. sascha

    sascha Member

    i hate committing to doing anything, except with friends/family who REALLY get what's going on with me.

    recently i had a psychotic breakdown over my aunt's continuing illness. i was assumed to be the caregiver and constant helper as she went through major health catastrophes. at first i wanted to help. i love her. but it became evident TO ME that i couldn't. but no one listened to me. her daughters came- i tried to tell them they had to get outside help coming in, because when they left i couldn't take back over. they didn't do much until i threw such a fit- i had a terrible meltdown and thought i was about to have a stroke.

    here i was, trying with all my might to convey my inability to sustain role of caretaker, and i wasn't being listened to, or heard.

    my son took over and wouldn't even discuss things with me anymore because of how upset he knew it made me. he's my hero. i haven't even been in touch with anyone over there since my meltdown. i got very ill over the whole business.

    point is- WE JUST CAN'T DO THE THINGS OTHERS TAKE FOR GRANTED. that's all there is to it. and we must preserve whatever measure of health and sanity we can in the very important process of defending ourselves.

    i am so angry that my cousins and aunt didn't hear me or acknowledge my needs. friends and family who arent' there for US and care about US are too destructive to try to keep in our lives. well, my feelings are so strong right now- i may soften a bit as time goes by. hope things get sorted out well for you- sascha
  7. littleleafhopper

    littleleafhopper New Member

    Yes it's difficult to continue relationships with this illness. I feel like we could all deal with it better if we had an answer for our friends. "I'll be better tomorrow, or "Lets get together next week", but we just never know how we'll feel.

    Even though I would not wish this on anyone, I am finding comfort in knowing that there are all of you out there dealing with the same issues. Bless you all.....