fibro ad grief don't mis well

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Feb 23, 2013.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    My pain is worse scine my MOm passed away and no matter how i try to not let my brother get to me when he does not listen to waht I have to say. My heart hu rts at the loss of my MOm but the tears don't come. I have shed a few tears over teh past month but not like I thought I would.

    I don't feel the deep sadness I thought I would. But after watching you slowly drift away from us and suffer with pain, made me understand that there are things worse tha n death living in constant pain.

    I love you Momma dear and I am so blessed to have you as my mother, to teach me things I needed to know to grwo in this life and to understand the faith of the gospel so i know where you are and that you are with daddy.
    You afre my blessing who lved me no mattrer what mistake I made and even when they were really bad . YOu still loved me and accepted my daughter , loved her, made her feel so loved always and showing her that she was a blessing in our lives.
    Thank you MOmma for loveing me always. For trying to understand whta fibro was and how it made me feel. You always brought a smile to my face and let me know that you lveod me and wanted me around you when you were sick,
    I am glad that you are not alone now that Daddy is with you as are othere family members.

    I don't know how to feel, is greif always sad and makes you cry? Am I to feel sad because your no longer in pain or suffering?

    I miss our long talks when i takled to you in teh bathroom so htat I could talk with out my siblings bothering us I will miss teh joy on your face when my newest grandbaby arrives in August. How blessed I am to have had you as a mother hwho loved me , accepted me always. Momma i do miss you.

    My heart is aching to night I wish I could talk with you. I am so confused about this greif business, Am I to feel sad all the time and cry alot or just feel peace of mind that your not in pain and that you are able to do the things you loevd doing?
    I will always love you.

    Sorry guys I needed to talk to my Mom again for a moment in time. I Hope it is ok.
    Thanks for listening to me share my feelings.
  2. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    I suggest that every day you write in a journal your your mother and yourself.....that way you can go back and reread.
  3. MicheleK

    MicheleK Member

    Hi Rosemarie,

    Your description of how you have been feeling since your mom died hit home with me.

    I had an incredibly wonderful relationship with my father, much as you describe your relationship with your mother.

    He too became quite ill and suffered a pain that was only growing in intensity with no hope for survival. It was hard to watch him in that state and when death came, though it was a great personal loss to me, I felt the comfort of knowing there would be no more of that suffering, no increase in the pain, no more dignity robbed of this man who was my hero.

    I think you feel that way about your mother. So the complicated feelings that accompany such a situation can feel bewildering.

    I too did not cry the way I had always thought I would have when imagining how I would feel if my father died. After watching and knowing that for him there was no more strength left in his body. That his body would just continue to shut down and torture him, all the while taking a piece of his dignity with each extra day he breathed. When death came my love for him and my relief in knowing he was no longer suffering toned down my grief of the loss.

    I cried of course but not as you said, as much as I thought I would. Every time I would begin to cry, I would feel inside me that it was actually a blessing he died when he did and that I was glad the suffering stopped. I felt such comfort over that fact that my personal feelings of loss were muted for a while.

    This is what I think I hear you saying you are experiencing now over the loss of your mom. Confusion as to why you are not crying as much as you thought you would have. Wondering if this is normal etc.. Rosemarie, it IS perfectly okay how you are feeling.

    It is pretty fresh still and you may have some feelings of shock, disbelief and wondering how she can just be there one minute and gone the next.

    You may find as I did that over the next few months you will slowly feel a thawing of the initial shock of the loss and begin crying a bit more and at the most inopportune times.

    That is what happened to me. It would just come out of me seemingly out of the blue, and usually when I was not alone. Then I wondered "why am I crying so much now after doing so well with my grief initially"?

    My answer was that I was emotionally thawing and coming to the full realization of how much I missed him. Little by little the feelings came. I cried, I prayed, I talked to my friends when I needed to, and I slowly began accepting the loss, one experience at a time.

    So as you walk forward through each day, know that however you grieve over losing you mom, your personal way of dealing with the grief is the right way for you.

    We are all different in our reactions, and with so many variables in personal circumstances, there is no "normal" way to grieve. There are stages of grief and we all go through those, but we may not go through them in the same order or intensity as someone else might.

    Just as our relationship with our loved ones was unique, so too is the way we grieve the loss of them. We had special relationships. We were quite lucky to have experienced the close bonds of love and friendship with our parent. So many in this world never have the privilege of such a love. I am glad that you did!

  4. sascha

    sascha Member

    you are truly blessed to have shared such closeness with your mother. that closeness stays with you always, is my thought about it. comfort will come. grief will always be there and is a testament to what was so good between you and your mother. i wish you comfort and protection on your journey. i don't believe that association ever ends even though it passes through such a big and painful change.

    i have felt connections going on after loved ones have died. but it's hard. very best to you- Salome *and take best care of yourself you can!