Fibro adds to relationship troubles

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by nanswajo, Nov 15, 2006.

  1. nanswajo

    nanswajo New Member

    Hi All:

    It has been many moons since I wrote on this board. I am getting close to the one year mark for me for leaving my job where I had overloaded and had what could be referred to as a breakdown.

    My poor husband has been though a lot and I feel badly for that, but I am as perplexed as he is and frustrated at my inability to cope with life. The so-called fibrofog is the worst part of it for me. I scare myself sometimes. Only minutes will pass an I will forget what I have just done. I feel like I am in a waking dream a good part of the time.

    My husband of 6 years has had it with me, I think. He told me he is no longer attracted to me, possibly because I have gained 30 lbs since diagnosed, and that he is not angry with me but annoyed. This he tells me on the way to the airport to drop him off for yet another week away for work. Soon he will be finished with travel for the year and home to stay, but he is sooooo mean and snippy when he is home. He told me not to worry, that our relationship is not in big trouble--we just have some issues to work out.

    One of these issues is that he works as a consultant and does not have access to health insurance, so he is insisting that I find a full time job where I can get insurance for us. I don't even know where to begin. If I could gradually ease back into work, I'm thinking maybe I could handle it, but I did have a nearby 25 hr a week job that should have been great for me but I had to give notice and tell them they needed someone with more bookeeping experience. In actuality, because the fibrofog, I was making too many mistakes.

    I am terrified and confused. I am feeling helpless. We both have issues I know, but I am so scared because the FM has turned me into someone I don't even completely recognize. I so wish that there at least was a black and white test for this disorder. I am sure he thinks I am a hypochondriac and, frankly, I wonder about myself sometimes. He is diabetic and is scared about his own prognosis. I know he had hoped I would be the ticket for someone to take care of him as the diabetes takes its toll. I did not think my life would end up like this.

    I am a bright, well-educated, socially aware person who seems not to be able to participate in life like a "normal" person. I feel like there is so little life left in me and it is weird because it seems like just yesterday that I was young.

    I know that some if not all of you can identify with these feeling I have.

    Nancy
  2. Susi-di

    Susi-di New Member

    Hi, I have been diagnosed with FM as well, and I know my family doesn't quite understand how it feels (since I look the same & they didn't know what FM was in the beginning) and my Husband is trying to understand but I know it isn't easy and I hate to be complaining everyday to him too.
    Well, anyway since your DH made the comment about not being attracted to you and being annoyed, I really think you should both go into counseling together, or at least give it a shot. I feel bad for you that he said those things to you, it's very hurtful and you have to remember (as I do) being beautiful on the outside isn't everything - it is what is in your heart that matters most.
    Also, is it possible that money matters are stressing him out too? since you haven't worked in the past year? and as for him suggesting you work full-time.... are you even able to? I am working part-time and having a tough time sometimes with weakness and my knees hurting. Anyway, I hope you go to counseling maybe to a Psychologist who is experienced in helping couples. Although I know there is cost involved, sometimes if you explain you don't have insurance they will work out monthly payments for you over some time.
    I truly wish you well, and I hope there are others in your life who love you just the way you are, and give you their love & moral support. God bless you and I hope things get better for you soon. Susan (susi-di)