Fibro and the job.. got called in to the bosses..

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by dononagin, Feb 21, 2007.

  1. dononagin

    dononagin New Member


    here we go again.

    I just got out of my bosses office.. both general managers and the human resources director.

    Come to Jesus meeting...

    They gave me a 2 page document on things they wanted to discuss...

    The first was "How is your health??"

    The second "Are you comfortable in your position?"

    Then it went into training logistics with my new hires, procedures etc. that they want to see put into place. Systems to make sure that if I disapear they know how to pick up the pieces.. etc.

    I know all this stuff is being documented and put into my personal file. In a way, I should be grateful as someday it may aid my fight for disability. On the other hand I feel like it's another reality check that I am not capable of doing my job any more the way I used to.

    They are not demoting me. But I think that is more because there is no one to take my place.

    However, having this meeting documented in my file, at my place of employement means I'm a moving target. The question is which is going to come first. Are they going to get rid of me or is my health going to get me first.


    [This Message was Edited on 02/21/2007]
  2. myjoy

    myjoy New Member

    i got talked to about when i'm coming back.

    i'd like to get rid of my position. want to trade? (not my husband just the job)

    I'm really sorry you went through that. I wasn't meaning to make fun of you or anything, I'm just having a bad day.

    take care,
  3. myjoy

    myjoy New Member

    I really feel I wasn't very nice to you, hon. I didn't mean to be insensitive about that meeting you had at work.

    I'm proud of you for being able to handle a big job like that.
    Wish I could.

  4. achingbytch

    achingbytch New Member

    I completely days are numbered, slightly different scenario, I tend to confront my bosses for their outrageous behaviour and its my mistake. Unfortunately I work with a university crowd; we had a homeless student doing work/study. Because of her dysfunctional family, losing her living quarters, shes been late, sick, depressed, even brought her personal things to store in our office, so it wasn't a secret. We got a new staffer in 3 months ago, who was given supervision of this young student. THe girl came in yesaterday asking for a recommendation to get a job that would provide her with steady housing. The bytch told her she couldn't comfortably give a reference that left out her lateness, her 'unreliability'. THe girl called the office later in the day and quit. I went into my boss this afternoon and said, "its one thing that we choose not to help employees in dire situations, but now we cannot even reach out to students entrusted to our office as part time employees when its so obvious they need help?"
    Its pathetic. If I wind up living in poverty with almost nothing, it would be better than working for such hypocrisy as 'educated' people like this who go home to their safe wealth while misery is around them and they ignore it.
  5. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    Not taken offensively at all MYJOY..Thank you for responding!

    See the problem is me.. I forget things now.. I'm not on top of my game. It's hard for me to stay focused and clear, to follow through on things. I'm doing my best but truly I feel like a moving target right now.

    Achingbytch- It's hard for people in power to have empathy sometimes I think. That is so sad with the young girl, I hope it doesn't lead her to even worse dispair than she is already feeling or worse.

    [This Message was Edited on 02/21/2007]
  6. jmq

    jmq New Member

    Wow...I am so glad I have joined this message board. I have been so isolated and dealing with FM for about two years ( had it much longer ) My office is "putting" up with me because no one can do my job at the moment..and I have 17 months to make it to my 30 year mark. I can then collect a small pension. I just do not know if I can make it. It sounds close but all of you know 17 months can be a life time. I feel if I do not get off this stress mode ( I am a paralegal in a large law firm) I will get worse before I make it to my pension. I am trying!!!
    Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am there for ya too.

  7. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    So sorry you are having to go through this.

    I sure do empathize with you though, I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop myself and I am only working part time at the moment.

    The the thing I think we all worry about is we all expendable whether we want to admit it or not -- it is just more apparent when we are sick in my opinion any way.

    I hope things get a little easier for you.

    Best of luck and feel better,

    Karen :)
  8. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I will warn you, I am cynical about employers.

    It sounds like they have a game plan to push you out, and the dirty part is, they want you to tell them about your job so they won't have a hard time when you are gone.

    I am sorry I am so cynical but this same thing happened to my brother. After 10 years on the job, they asked him to write a complete description of his job, everything he does and how. Once it was completed, they fired him and gave someone else his job. I actually helped him write the information for them.

    I mean, is it mandatory you tell them about your health? That is your personal business. What the hay do they mean asking if you are comfortable in your position?

    To be honest, I would be seeing a attorney right now and yes writing notes documenting things yourself.

    Sorry, but this makes me mad. People have no compassion these days. Its like if you show any weakness, they go in for the kill.

    I am sure you are very valuable to them and I sincerely hope you are treated fairly but don't trust them under any circumstances.

    By the way, if you are having a problem remember, keep a yellow pad with you and write down everything. I know you may already do that. I must do that or I remember nothing.
    [This Message was Edited on 02/21/2007]
  9. pamlamb

    pamlamb New Member

    just remember, documentation, documentation, doucumentation! Do you have FMLA? That is useful for a year, they can't fire you. I just made it, and now finally I am on disability. All the paperwork you can get is needed for disability, especially from Mds. Good luck, I know how hard it is. PJ
  10. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    I came in an hour and a half early this morning so that I could check the board and get prepared for a staff meeting this morning to address some of the issues they brought up regarding my crew.

    I'm feeling very much like a target. My only saving grace is that I have truly built a reputation as the best wedding planner in the valley. My client base with my corporate guests is solid as well. Good employees are hard to find where I work, but there is always someone out there that is hungry for your job. There is always someone more qualified.

    I'm not the same girl that won Manager of the Quarter 3 years running. Now it seems like I'm in survival mode. It's hard to think clearly anymore. I used to be the one with all the ideas, with the little bit of extra drive that helped me climb the ladder anywhere I've worked.

    Now, that positive person who could handle any challange can't even keep her files up to date!

    I hate what this has done to me. It feels like little by little it's draining the life out of me.

    I've told them what I'm up against because I'm having to attend physical therapy twice a week which means I'm missing work. I'm making up the hours and spent years here working an extra 10 - 20 hours a week.. but I was their superstar who was always maxed out on my sick time. Who never missed an event. I'm not a superstar any more. Now I'm barely getting through a day at a time.

    I do have a few clients that are lawyers. But I don't think I can discuss this with them due to the workplace origan of our relationships. However, they know my work. I've done 3 weddings for one lawyer (his kids).

    I am going to keep their document they gave me yesterday and start a file.

    JMQ - I can imagine the stress you feel as a paralegal. Especially as paperwork and detail seem to be my problem areas now. I know all your t's have to be crossed and i's have to be dotted! It's really hard because we just can't give up and put our tails between our legs but dang it's so hard to keep up the pace! Your right 17 months to me would feel like a life time. Hang tough!

    Karen - You are absolutly right.. Doesn't matter how good we think we are, there is alway someone out there.. someone healthy? to take our place... That feeling of other shoe getting ready to drop gets old. It's like being in a bad marriage.. always walking on egg shells!

    PV - I think you are right. I've had it happen before. In an old job I was a factory supervisor. Me and the other supervisors came from a different factory to get the product line running. We trained everyone, created training manuels, got all the systems up and running and were laid off with 5 minutes notice... I'm not trusting my bosses much right now and I've been here for 10 years!

    Skeesix- Your right to about procedures etc. being documented. I think they are a bit worried. Right now I'm the only one on property that can book and run a wedding from start to finish. Not a good thing company-wise as if I go out, who is going to do my job? And.. they know I'm facing possible surgury soon.

    PJ - You know I have been looking at this too, as maybe this is time. Maybe I do need to be looking at disability. We don't have a disability plan through work but I can't let them demote me before I make a decision to try for it or it will effect the amount of my claim if I do at some point have to jump ship.

    AJ - Your advice on ask an attorney is a great idea. As well as bringing the letter to my doctor. I may need that documentation with my doctor later on. And your right about stress and a flare. I don't think I slept two hours last night.

    Ok gang.. Thank you all so much for your advise. I needed this so much this morning. I'm not feeling too foggy headed this morning so I guess I better start getting ready for my meeting.

    Love to all and big thanks,
    [This Message was Edited on 02/22/2007]
  11. Zzzsharn

    Zzzsharn New Member

    And all other working sufferers.

    FMLA can be taken intermittenly... a few hours a week, a few days a week..

    I went on it last year- and I still had a few hours of my 12 week leave left at the end of the year..

    protect your job, even if you don't need to use all 12 weeks, it's available to you and the peace of mind knowing that there won't be a pink slip handed to you is wonderful.

    Be well,
  12. LouiseK

    LouiseK New Member

    I don't want to give too much advice about such an important topic but I will just relay very simply a couple of facts from my own story. Bear in mind your company may not operate the same way but I am sure they will not tell you in advance what their stragegies are and they will make it extremely difficult to obtain information about what your rights are or about FMLA or anything. If you read all those stupid policies they have in writing you will likely find they are all very vague and designed to leave the doors open for them. Whatever you do do not ask them anything. Have someone else ask questions of HR or whatever. They have already blindsided you into giving them information with that meeting.

    I literally nearly killed myself trying to hang on to my job and ended up with a "medical separation" three months before my pension would have vested. The HR person who engineered all this just did it for the pat on the back from the higher-ups for saving the university all my pension money as she knew I couldn't hang on longer and continue to serve as I had done loyally and with great reviews for years.

    So, you may find that once you start down the FMLA path that your company has their clock ticking on getting rid of you. That was my case. They did give me the FMLA. In fact they forced me onto it (another story) but once it was documented that I was chronically ill they only had to keep me on for a specific amount of time before being able to "medically separate" me. It's too complicated to go into and may not be pertinent, I'm just saying undersatand all the fine points of your options. Most companies do not have to keep you on forever if you are too sick to do the job.

    However, and I always try to say this -- if you are too ill to work you must, for your own sake, try to find a way to work part-time (they have part-time FMLA and they make up a lot of your check) or go out on a FMLA leave for a few months and TRY TO RESTORE YOUR HEALTH.

    I am so so much worse off now than I would have been had I not been so desperate to keep my job over 18 months of literal hell trying to get in there and keep up all my work.

    Consider everything.

    This terrible stress is part of the reason you are not as effective in your work, you know that. And stress makes the illness worse.

    Best wishes.
  13. wish2hike

    wish2hike New Member

    It's not bad enough that you have the stress of trying to hold it together health wise...and then add to this a job that stresses you out.

    I remember being the "boss ~ General Manager" of a large company for several years. I remember as time went by, I kept getting more tired with pain. The faigue was awful, so bad that I would go to my very hot car (florida summers 98 degress) and think if I just could rest I would be okay. My employees would come looking for me and couldn't find me. I just told them I can't go on any more and I didn't know what was wrong with me. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I gave my resignation to the owner of the company and they freaked...they wanted me to stay at all costs. This being even at the cost of whatever was wrong with me.

    When I couldn't get out of bed to make it to my job. The owners took this as a slap in the face because I had developed their company and was well compensated for such.

    I felt used up and tired. I had to leave. Several years later I was dx with FM. I waited for several years before going to the doctor. I kept waiting for the time when I would wake up and not be tired...the day never came.

    I am blessed with a wonderful husband who is very supportive and consoling.

    I guess if our families can't much less will out employers understand, much less care.

    One of the hardest things is that very often our self worth is wrapped up in what we can do and how much we are compensated. The truth is we are better than our job determines us to be....sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves and not let a job or anyone make us feel less valued.

    I think the suggestions that the others have given you here is good and wise advice. Be as kind as possible to can be a long walk.
  14. Tigger57

    Tigger57 New Member

    I was laid off from my job in December 2004. My boss and I always got together for lunch when we were close (it was a seasonaljob -- it was a turf farm). I told her that an opporunity had come about for me to have and my surgery. I was thrilled and she seemed happy for me.

    I told her that the surgeon wanted so many weeks rest and that he wanted me to work two weeks half the day for two weeks. Fine. Finally, I got the call to go back.

    The day I came back to work I was told that half days were "unacceptable". So, I went to work that full day, next day I did the same and on the third day I had to call in. Between the surgery and as rainy and miserable weather and really wiped out from the all of it.

    Thursday I went in and I just can't do in the matter. She told me to go home and take another week to regain some strength. As it is, I felt I was going back to work. When I was ready to come back she asked me if I was 100% better. I told her I have a chronic condition of pain as well as. So, she wasn't taking any of it. Part of the problem is she didn't want to be in that place at I made live so much better for her because with me, for ten years, I went in (except in a bad flare). Until the end I was suffering from pain, fatigue and just general YUCK. I'm not someone who can just do a so-so job. I worked that office as if it was my own.

    Because my company had less than 10 people it didn't have to give me a warning. I talked to lawyers and even talked to my senator about it. No go.

    Oh, and the couple (husband and wife) ended up putting her sister in the newly opened position. Wonder if that was the agenda already.

    People have talked to me about it, but all I can say is, "maybe it's for a reason." Everyone told me that the stress of the job was killing, me and all I would never lasted there. What I say about it all the time (I run into people and they want to know) all I tell people is I have an illness.

    My rheumy was thrilled when when I told him and my PCP, and they both thought that it would be good as long to stop working so hard.

    Sorry to be so negative, but it hit me real hard. I'm sure hoping that things out. I've filed with SSDI because of the chronic pain, horrible fatigue and lately I feel like totally awful.

    I hope you start to feel better.
  15. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    zzz.. thank you I will keep that in mind. I'm trying to avoid useing the FMLA yet as I may be looking at surgery soon and may need it after.

    Louise - Medical seperation.. Hmmm.. I don't think I've heard of that. Is it legal? That is really messed up right before your pension was vested! I know the stress is getting the best of me. It's hard to face the fact that my working days may be ending soon.

    Wish to hike - I can't even imagine being GM.. director is tough enough! And you are right. I realize I have a lot of my identity wrapped up in my job. I've always prided myself on my job and without it I'm not sure I know who I am anymore..

    Gosh Tigger.. fingers crossed for your SSDI -

    This really messes with your life huh?

    Love to all and thank you so much for your support. I see my Ortho-surgeon next Thursday. I'm going to talk to him about this and see what he thinks.


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