Fibro Comic Break. Funny DORIS DAY HOTEL Dog Stories.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by joeb7th, Jul 22, 2006.

  1. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    Please, no one takes this board more seriously than I do.

    This body pain and other symptoms are indescribable to the average person. I know this all to well.

    However, guess we can use a little break,eh?

    I was recently a concierge/bellman at Doris Days little Doggie hotel ( the Cypress Inn ) in Carmel, CA. This was one of the first doggie hotels in the country and they have this service down to a science.

    One day an SUV pulled up in front. These guests and their massive dog had driven up all the way from L.A. Their Great Dane BOUNDED out the back of this car before his owner could even open the back all the way. And this enormous dog went to the nearest plant he could find...a small Cypress Tree that was planted right on the sidewalk next to our front door.

    This horse of a dog lifted his leg and started what looked like a water spiggot flow on full blast!

    Just at this time a large group of walking Japanese tourists arrived to the front of our hotel also as it is a tourist site with Ms. Day's movie posters everywhere, her songs playing, and a beautiful open-to-the-public lobby and restaurant, patio and bar and dogs running all around.

    These Japanese tourists came upon this gargantuan dog unleashing his Pee Pee tsunami right in front of them and this immediately became like some type of OMG event to them. Like they were witnessing GODZILLA having a BM!

    They got wide eyed and excited and started talking and motioning real fast to get out their cameras and were rushing up at all angles to capture this monster Canine
    opening the flood gates and actually over flowing the earthen basin at the base of this poor little Cypress tree so that this was running all out over the sidewalk and into the street.

    The Japanese tourists were shameless in their curiosity; yelling "SOUKUO", "SOUKUO", "SHISHINKI" and taking picture after picture...click, click, click...The poor Great Dane couldn't stop what he was doing but you could see the embarrassment on his face. He kept trying to look away and down the street but it was impossibe to escape the big deal being made at his bursting bladders expense.

    I could not help myself. In the middle of this festival...I burst out laughing. I mean stomach holding, wall slapping roars. I think this only added to the Great Danes shame.

    Boy, that was one funny episode. And do you know that tree grew 4 feet in the next month or two? Faster than at any time I had been there.

    Sometime I will have to share with you more hilarious stoies about all the celebrities and their dogs at "our" hotel as I was also a pet sitter for the stars in my off hours...as were many of the staff.
    [This Message was Edited on 07/24/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/26/2006]
  2. Susan07

    Susan07 New Member

    That is great thanks for the laugh break. Looks like a book waiting to happen.

    Woof!
    Susan
  3. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the humor. I always love a good story about a cypress tree.
  4. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    Dogs are great for people with fibro.

    They can be sympathetic, and a great innocent distraction.

    I walk dogs and they make me get out to get exercise, which on my own I just wouldn't do. This has been the best reason for me to say that they are so good for fibro sufferers.

    I'm surprised someone hasn't named their dog " Fibro."

    Some of the dogs that checked in to the Cypress Inn had funny names.

    One blind dog was named "Trip."...because he of course tripped on everything.

    An English bull dog was named "Dozer"...short for "Bull Dozer."...this dog's lower jaw looked like the lower blade of an earth mover. Practically dragged on the floor.

    Another dog was named after the Tom Hanks movie dog " Hootch." This dog was the exact same breed as that dog in that movie and looked exactly like him!

    Hootch's owners asked me to make reservations for dinner so I called my maitre'd friend at the dog friendly restaurant Porta Bella ( Luis ) and asked him if he had ever seen the movie "Turner And Hootch.

    " Oh yes, indeed. I have Joe." he responded excitedly.

    I told him I was sending him "Hootch" the movie star dog and asked him to take special care of Hootch and his owners!

    "Oh, Joe...it would be an honor."

    When Hootch's owners and Hootch came back from dinner they thanked me and said they had just been treated like royalty by Mr. Luis at Porta Bella's. A dinner they would never forget. ( Porta Bella has a special indoor room they seat dog owning guests so that their dogs can sit right next to them while they dine.)

    I immediately called Luis to thank him and he said " No, Joe...the pleasure was all mine." To this day I feel guilty that I didn't tell Luis that this Hootch was not really the same dog in the movie...who probably died a few years before as the movie was from that far back.

    Another time a dog owner was bragging to some non-dog owning guests in our living room that her dog could talk!
    To these guest's wide eyed anticipation ( with a little enhancement from their early evening cocktails ) this dog owner asked her dog... "What's on top of the house?" and she quickly made a certain hand signal..to which her dog replied " RRRoof...RRRoof! "

    With the guests now mesmerized and exchanging "WOW"s" and affirmative head nods...she continued...." Okay, Now...what's a letter between "Q" and "S" ?...Another quick hand signal and her talking dog responded " AARRRGH, AARRRGH." which sounded phonetically just like the letter "R" !!! Now these more inebriated guests were almost Gaa Gaa and grabbing each others sleeves with a "did you see THAT?" look.

    The talking dog owner continued..."What do you say when you are hurt?"...another hand signal and then..." Ooowwwhh, Ooowwwhh." ...This just brought the house down..standing ovation, slurred "BRAVOS"...laughing, spilled drinks.
    It was just too much!

    And it was too much for me also as I got a call on my walkie talkie telling me that a toilet had overflowed in room 210 so I had to run off to find a plunger. Missed the rest of the show Dog Gone it!



    [This Message was Edited on 07/23/2006]
  5. ckball

    ckball New Member

    I think Susan may be on to something- I bet you could right a great book of dog stories.

    Please tell us more- Thanks Carla

    BTW-did you read the recent posts about mine eating kitty poo and another about animal lovers afrom 4ever, funny stuff.
  6. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    Carla, yes, I did read your postings about kitty poo.
    Funny stuff, made me laugh and cringe at the same time.

    Yes, I have stories like that but please...I do have standards ( nose in air )...

    One time a family asked me to take their picture while their father held the dog in his arms in the living room . Just as I was saying "SMILE" their dog unleashed a torrent of diarreah all over the dad !
    I lifted my head, they all looked at each other with wide eyed shock and embarrassment ...and the dog kept unloading. Finally everybody just started to run!

    I had to run to get towels and disinfectant as this stuff had gone all over the living room carpet and was already emitting nasal burning, barf inducing smells. People were yelling, the family was yelling and the dog was releasing...oh man...what a scene...not the kind of thing you want photos of in your advertisement brochures.

    I managed to clean up what I could before our 280 lbs maintenance guy Greg could come in with his Volkswagon-bug -sized steam cleaner and really blast out this gut wrenching blob of blauuughh !

    Another time a dog owner was standing next to me with his dog on one of those extending leashes. A lady walked up to the front desk to register and all of a sudden his dog charged at this lady and with a deep thrust, buried his long nose right into her back side crotch! She let out a "Whoaaoouuughgh" and turned around horrified to see what twisted aggressive pervert had just goosed her so blantantly!

    She looked at the other guest and ME and we both sheepishly and desperately pointed to the dog..."it was him I ratted out immediately...it was HIM!" I put on my most animated look of indignance and said snootily to the dog owner " Sir, I must insist that you take that horny hound of yours out side at this second!" Hummph.

    Another time a lady who looked just like Cruella Deville dramatically waltzed in to the front desk with large hat, loud scarf and long cigarette holder and swaying her arms so dramatically that the crowd in the lobby just stopped and stared at her. She then yelled out..."OH BELLBOY...BELLBOY!"

    Well, I'm an old grey haired, pot bellied guy whose belly stuck out under his too short of vest and I was immediately embarrassed as another guest pointed to me and said..."THERE...that's the bell boy...THERE!"

    With everyone's eyes now on me I chuckled insecurely and fumbled with my tie just like Oliver Hardy and said "Yes...he he...that's me!"

    Where upon Miss Deville looked at me, paused, cringed and then said haughtily and loudly..."My dog has vomited on the back seat of my car...could you PLEEEASE go clean this up right away?" and immediately turned back towards the front desk as if there was nothing else she needed to say to the " Bellboy" to get the job done.

    Again with everyone looking at me... this paunchy, sappy smiling bellman with too short of vest, high waisted, high cuffed, black flood pants with white sox and a self-realization look of loser shame on my face did my duty.

    I went and got my dog poopie/vomit clean up rags and spray cleaners and quickly walked back with my head down through the lobby to avoid seeing these same people watch me with pity and sadness.

    As I climbed into the back seat of this lady's car that was parked in our loading zone I had a hard time controlling my gag reflexes.

    I would stick my head out of the open door every few seconds, take deep breaths, hold it and scrub as much and as fast as I could before I would have to repeat this survival technique. Eventually I got what I could see and I bundled up my rags and literally threw them in the city garbage receptable on the sidewalk.

    I then bounded back in the lobby full of job-satisfaction confidence and told Ms DeVille with much pride.."You car is now clean Madaam." She looked at me with a look of pity and said almost disgustedly "Thank you"...popped her cigarette missing cigarette holder back in her mouth...and turned back around to finish her check in.

    That was it...no look of appreciation... no tip.

    I resumed standing at my station where the rest of the day I had to think about where I was in life...and how to avoid eye contact with any of the guests who had witnessed my humiliation at the hands of the flamboyant Ms. Deville.


    [This Message was Edited on 07/26/2006]
  7. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    Have to be a little careful here and discreet...but celebrities have some funny dogs.

    I used to dog sit on my off hours at the hotel and I met many celebrities while doing so.

    One time I pet sat for Joel Grey's little dog ( name and breed to remain anonymous) and that dog was just a cute little sucker...and I mean that literally! All that dog wanted to do for the two hours I sat him was sit in my lap and lick and suck on my fingers !

    Not that it was turning me on but it was so bizarrely affectionate and odd that I just let his dog suck away and curiously stared at him doing this the entire time.

    Occassionally I would pull my fingers out of his mouth to see that they were beginning to get that wrinkled white skin fold look like when you are in a swimming pool for hours? This little dog sucked my fingers white!

    Now, whenever I think of Joel Grey I think about my fingers being sucked.

    Another time I pet sat for Barbara Eden ( I Dream Of Jeanie. ) That lady is STILL gorgeous! It's like her face and body never aged! I still can't believe it. Her dog was "different". I don't want to say "Dumb" but have you ever been around a person with autism?

    Nick Clooney has the cutest little mutt. That dog was as friendly as Mr. Clooney ( George's dad. ) This guy was so friendly to "everyone". He would talk to anybody no matter their status...dishwashers, you name it. Classy, classy and great tipper to boot. Didn't pet sit his dog...but had to mention this great person as they don't make them this nice anymore.

    One time I was asked to pet sit two Rhodesian Ridgebacks in one of our smallest rooms. It was like being locked in a closet with two 100 pound, edgy, canine tough guys.

    Those dogs are nervous types and a little aggressive, especially if they don't know you. They sat close by and stared at me apprehensively and kind of menacingly. I was thinking what I should do if they attacked me. It was the end of my shift and I was tired. I started to yawn. A real long one. Before I finished those two dogs started yawning too!

    Ah HAAA I Thought....that's it!

    I purposely started to do the most exaggerated yawns I could and sure enough, those two Ridgebacks were finding themselves yawning these huge, lips curled back, teeth baring, alligator yawns. They couldn't help themselves. In between yawns, their eyes started to shut half way and they were looking at each other as if to say..." Gees...this is absolutely the most BORING sitter we've ever had." Then they would look at me again and I would quickly stretch my mouth as wide as I could, close my eyes and make that AAAHHHHMMM sound over and over...and their mouths would instantly pop back open into their own massive yawns again.

    Within 10 minutes both those dogs heads finally collapsed on the bed. It's like I had hypnotised them with yawns!

    It's a good thing I am an extremely boring person or I might have been in trouble. Every now and then they would start to come to and look at me and I would do the jaw breaking yawning thing again and they would YAAAWWWNNNMMM, lazily smack their lips, and then conk right back out.

    The owners came back and said their two boys sure looked relaxed and rested.

    One evening a lady guest came and sat down in our library lounge bar with her yellow lab. She ordered two beers and a dog bowl. "Drago", the worlds funniest and most witty bartender brought here the beers and I got her the bowl.

    Drago and I and all the other guests seated in the lounge watched as she poured one of the beers into the dog bowl. Her older lab quickly lapped up his beer while she kind of chugged hers down too.

    Drago soon went back to her table and asked if she wanted another round , but asked her if her dog was of age? The lady said yes, her dog was of age ( patrons laughing )... but that was his limit and she would just have one more for her.

    We have a regular lady guest who brings her beautiful Russian Wolfhound "Zhivago" with her. I don't know if you've ever seen a silver haired Russian Wolfhound but they are very long necked, long nosed and have a beautiful long mane of flowing hair that drapes over their head and down their necks. From a distance they look like a thin, long necked, long haired woman...kind of like Cher.

    This lady loved to sit with Zhivago at night kind of far back against the wall in the darkly lit lounge. The actual bar was several feet away and right next to where I was standing at my station. This one evening while Zhivago and her owner were elegantly seated at this far end seat two horny old guys walked in and sat down perusing the lounge for any prospects when one of them spotted what he described to his buddy as two hot chicks over against the wall. He got up and walked over to offer to buy them a drink. He got close, stopped in his tracks and shuffled quickly back to the bar and his friend asked, "how'd they look?"

    The returning friend threw back his drink and almost in shock said..."one of them is a real dog!"

    I'm not sure I heard right but I think his friend said " Hey, at our age we can't be choosy!"

    [This Message was Edited on 07/26/2006]
  8. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    Just curious.
  9. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    By far the funniest posts I have ever read on this message board. You get the prize. Joe, you certainly have the gift for story-telling.

    Thanks for the canine comic relief.

    Lolalee
  10. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    LoLaLee...anybody who says what you have said to me about my post gets the "appreciation" award. It's right below "I love you." And posting these is just as fun for me to do as it is for you to read...and it makes me forget my pain.

    And I hope that for whatever reason you are on this board...that a few laughs make you feel better.

    Thanks again for the compliments...Junior Mint Joe....I'm hooked on these.
  11. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    I graciously accept the "Appreciation Award"...never received one of those before. And another reason you make me smile is your name, Joe, is my son's name. Although lately I've been calling him Joseph...it sort of fits at this stage in his life.

    I agree about the Junior Mints.....can be addictive.

    I have FMS and CFIDS and a nasty case of both.

    Thanks again for the award and the laughs. Have a great day!

    Lolalee
  12. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    And they never get tired of you...regardless of how long you are in pain.
  13. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    You made my Monday not only bearable, but bright!

    Hugzz
    Greenbean


    Stop and smell the puppies!
  14. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    Some of these dogs that checked into the hotel "hated" men.

    I don't know why they did or how they knew the difference ...but man...they would rip your face off if you got to close to them.

    Funny thing is I've never ever heard of even one dog that hated women? Just men!
  15. puglover29

    puglover29 New Member

    I am loving your dog stories! You do have a wonderful way with words. Keep them coming.

    I am a huge animal lover and run a pug rescue group in the Southeast. Run into any pugs at the hotel?

    Brenda
    Atlanta, GA
  16. shell

    shell New Member

    Keep up the great stories, you sure know how to describe a moment!!
  17. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    Do we get Pugs at the Cypress Inn?

    Oh my word...tons of them !

    And everybody just loves these guys.

    Little snorting, affectionate Puggies.

    When they come in they draw a crowd. You just gotta run up and pet em.

    And to the other poster who mentioned Doris Day...let me tell you...this was all her thing. She is "The" doggie promoter. Got it all started in Carmel about 17 years ago.
    Now, there are dozens of hotels that take dogs here becuase of her.

    And is Doris Day still beautiful ?
    Let me tell you something...one day last year Ms. Day walked into the hotel lobby which she rarely does. This was about 1:00 pm in the afternoon. Most of the guests were gone.

    Two couples saw her though and ran up and had to hug her and tell her they loved her. She spent 5 minutes at least with them and was so gracious and warm to them all.

    I'd better not mention her age. But to see her would floor you. She is not a short woman. And she has a perfect figure, perfect posture and she is perfectly dressed ( beautifully understated , but totally classy. )

    Her hair cut and style is the same. She still has that wonderfully shaped face, wrinkle free pink smooth skin, happy radiant blue eyes ( they glow ) and that smile...oh my goodness; perfect teeth.

    "Movie Star" just exudes from her. And her voice is as strong, cheerful and pleasant and exactly as it was 40 years ago. And a laugh that would lighten up a wake. She looks like a "stunning" 60 year old! Almost freakish.

    One day a lady came down the steps to the lobby with her puppy. I was standing at my station and she had to come up and tell me that she had just spent the last 3 days at our hotel and was leaving that day. And that this was her first vacation with her dog and how this was such a fantastic experience and how she had a ball staying with us.

    She then said " You know what this place is? This is "LOVE BOAT" for dogs!"

    Wow, what a description. It was so nice to see such a happy guest.

    Later that evening another one of our guests came up to me and started a conversation as she was holding her own little dog in her arms.

    I happen to mention this earlier guest and what she had said about our hotel being " LOVE BOAT" for dogs and this new guest got a smile on her face and said to me..." Do you know who my father is? He is Captain Stubing on the original Love Boat!"..."Gavin Macleod !"

    I said..." NO!" She replied " Yes."

    I said..."I am in love with you!" She said " No you are not." ( no, I didn't say this... but she was so pretty I wanted to )

    She said she had actually acted on this show as a child.

    So you never know who you are talking to at Doris Day's Cypress Inn.

    Another time I was talking to Ken Howard ( The White Shadow T.V. show star ) and he was missing his dog so much from Southern California. He never brought it but seeing all the other dogs at the Cypress made him long for his beloved Fido. Ken Howard...another super nice guy.

    We had a little tiny dog who would go crazy apparently without any explainable reason. For three days I saw this dog go off at about the same time every day. Then AH HAAAH ... it became clear to me. This dog hated the UPS delivery trucks! A few minutes after she would go crazy barking the U.P.S. guy would always show up in our lobby!

    This dog knew exactly what the U.P.S. delivery truck sounded like and could here it coming before any human ears could pick this up!
    I called her...the U.P.S. killer dog.

    Every year we have some guests that bring their two Bernese Mountain dogs to our hotel. Big...very big and beautiful black dogs...look like a hay wagon.

    Problem is...these owners never bathed these two dogs!

    You could smell their dogs before they even came into the lobby to check in! I almost couldn't believe it myself, but last year's visit was so bad the housekeepers were staggering out of their room fighting for air and almost passing out from the toxic fumes. We had to shut down their room for two days after they checked out to strip it and repaint it!

    The smell was so powerul and bad that everyone in the lobby and restaurant and outside patio would stop all of their conversations with extreme P.U. twisted faces when they were around! It was if BIG FOOT was prowling the grounds.

    Even the other dogs would snap their mouths shut , pop their heads up real high and squint their eyes as if something were burning them.

    For the first time our manager had to ask these stinky dog owners to please bathe their dogs or we just could not take them anymore.

    I still have a hard time understanding their care of these dogs. And "I" had to carry their luggage to and from the room! I had never held my breath as long as when I did this. I could have dove down to the Titanic and back I held it so long. It took me half a day for my lungs to quit hurting. And I had to change my luggage rubbing vest as it reeked so bad it was offending other new arriving guests!

    And lastly for today...one morning some red eyed, very frazzled and hair mussed up'd guests came down the stairs and stumbled to the lobby desk. In their half awake and almost crying state they demanded their money back for their room.
    When asked why...they recounted how they thought they were hearing an earthquake late in the evening as the walls in their room started shaking and rumbling . However, this never stopped! All night, they would hear and feel this "rumbling" for a few seconds...then a pause ... then the rumbling would start again. This ruined their night's sleep!

    When the front desk checked their registry to see who was staying in the adjoining room from which this rumbling noise was coming from...they discovered that the guests in that room had brought in two Great Danes to spend the night.

    It was also discovered upon a call of inquiry that the "rumbling" their next door neighbors were feeling all night...were these two Great Danes SNORING!


    [This Message was Edited on 07/24/2006]
  18. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    You really should write a book. I don't know when I've enjoyed a thread so much. When you write the book let me know, I'll need two copies!

    My golden, Rey, and lab, Aster, would love the hotel! Do they let the dogs swim?

    Thanks for the wonderful stories!

    Hugzz
    Greenbean

    Stop and smell the puppies!
  19. cjcookie

    cjcookie New Member

    outage. My oldest dog is well-trained but as soon as we got near the elevator, he started sniffing around. Oh no, I knew what was going to happen. He pooped more than I'd ever seen that little guy poop right in front of the elevator. Thank goodness no one else was around. I was laughing and searching through my Arby's bag for napkins so I could clean up the mess. I found a trash can in the laundry room. Well, wouldn't you know it, they must have just emptied the trash because when I went down the next morning to do laundry, it stunk to high heaven in there. My doggies present was still in the trash. I don't think anyone would have found that funny except for me.
  20. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    I went to my PC today after he made me wait two months...and told him I was in worse pain than back then...and he still thinks that my pain and other symptoms have more to do with depression and "psychological" problems than anything.

    This is my last visit to him. I have had it with doctors taking the easy way out and just blaming this on psychological reasons. You have all been through this. No need to rant. I can still write through the pain. And if you want to hear more...that's fine with me as I am having a ball remembering all the fun times I had at Ms. Days doggie hotel.