Fibro has taken my whole life away

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lrning2cope, Aug 12, 2008.

  1. lrning2cope

    lrning2cope New Member

    I am so depressed. I found some sites on the net that have pictures of my old friends from another state. I used to be so involved in so many things and the pictures shows all of my friends still being involved and here I am in my dark apartment .

    My whole life is gone . All I do is sit in this dungeon . I just lost my disability . I am too ill to do anything . I am not even worthy of a below poverty level disability check.

    What now ? I just can't think of how to make a life for myself again .Everything in my life is so different than it used to be. I don't even feel like I am alive anymore.


    LEFTYGG Member



  3. lrning2cope

    lrning2cope New Member

    I do have a lawyer. My case was denied after seeing a ALJ . My lawyer was so confident that we would win . She did tell me this judge was one of the worst So.many other people have been turned down by this judge that he may soon be discharged as a judge in Southwest Michigan where I live.

    My lawyer wants to go full-barrels ahead with this and go to the council level . I am ok with this , but my lawyer also wants me to start the appeal process all over again as a stop-gap measure. Everytime I try to get the information together to start , I just hit a wall of despair and pain and fatigue. I just don't know what to do.

    Then , when I saw my old friends being active , with their lives the same as ever , I just lost it. I want to go on with the appeal and the new application , but I am so lost and foggy I just don't know how to handle it.

    Thank you so much for reaching out to me , Gail .

  4. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    Hug for you. (((hugs))) very gentle hugs, Susan
  5. homesheba

    homesheba New Member

    it stinks to be like this.
    i also see or hear about my old friends
    who now go and do everything
    that i used to do with them,
    but i feel like a leper now and also am
    in bed reading or watching tv
    till i couold cry myself to sleep.
    how i pray they will find out
    what causes this soon
    no one can even comprehend
    what it is like not even the doctors.
    they think it is just pain.
    .. but it is much much more
    than that involved...
  6. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I know it's hard, but pull it together long enough to get your paperwork started and then completed - in the long run it will benefit you. I'm sure it is a daunting task, but pretend like you're doing it for someone else who is counting on you life or death to do it.
    You need the disability, so fight for it.

    The worst thing you can do is lose all hope. GET out of your dungeon. I don't care if that means, sitting on the outside of your front door. You need some fresh air/fresh perspective.

    Life IS different, but it doesn't have to be horrible or not worth living. You just haven't found your joy yet. Is there one thing that you enjoy doing? One little thing?

    BTW- is there anyone that can help you with any of this? (the paperwork etc.?) If I was near you, I'd be there in a second to help you get this straightened out. I know it probably seems impossible right now - but it isn't. SMALL steps -for your future.

  7. Dlebbole

    Dlebbole New Member

    We feel your pain and we care.....diane
  8. lrning2cope

    lrning2cope New Member

    Just to know that someone cares means so much to me.

    Thank you so much . I am so thankful that I found this site and that I can come here and get understanding and empathy .

    I am trying hard to create a new 'life' , and sometimes I feel so defeated. I hope to find some answers and eventually to be able to share them with others here who are searching too.I guess I need to remember what I tell other people : "If you can't even do one day at a time , do one moment at a time. " Why do I not take my own advice ?

    God Bless you all.

  9. Dlebbole

    Dlebbole New Member

    Holly you have been on my mind this morning so I was glad to see this post again. I think back on all the long years of despair. I want to urge you to keep trying things - hopefully you will stumble upon that one treatment that will make a difference - not a cure, but something that will make your life more livable.

    Take care.....Diane
  10. JD99

    JD99 New Member

    I can't help you much as far as the disability and legal matters go but I can definitely relate to what you said. I already felt fairly out of place with so many friends being married and having children but I always told myself that it would come in time. Then I got sick and now it usually feels as though there's no way I'll ever do those things.

    I get by one minute at a time, telling myself it can always be worse even when it feels like it's the worst already. I try not to look at other peoples' lives and compare even though that's hard to do. And if you start feeling completely alone just think of places like this and remember you aren't - there are other people who know what it's like.

    I hope things take a better turn for you, especially with the legal matters.
  11. luv2float

    luv2float New Member

    First of all, don't give up on the SSDI. Keep fighting no matter what you have to do.

    Also, check and see if there are any local communtiy care centers, they can help on medication costs, food, utilities, etc.

    You can also google patient assistance drug companies. A lot of the drug companies will give you your meds for free if you qualify.

    You did not mention if you are on any type of antidepressant. If not, go to the doc and I'm sure he'll give you something to help. Also, you could check on the mental health centers, you can usually see a therapist and get your meds there. Their fee is based on your income. I was going to them for free.

    My therapist told me that I should have a "funeral" for my old self. I felt much like you do. By saying your goodbye and coming to terms with your limitations you can then open the door to a new you. This horrible DD will not kill us and you just have to adjust to a new lifestyle.

    Make sure and get out of the house and soak up some sunshine. Even if it's only sitting out front or walking around the yard. Also, you might want to think of joining a support group. Being around others who can relate is a great help.

    Good luck to you and stay positive. I wish you the best.

  12. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    I relate to all you're feeling and my heart goes out to you.

    At one point, overwhelmed with the disability application form, yet needing to do the paperwork, I reached out to a local mental health agency and they set me up with a social worker to help me with the forms.

    The social worker was wonderful! She did all the writing for me (my hands were too sore to write) helped me with the wording (she knew what sorts of phrases and examples were helpful), helped me collect data (lab and specialist's reports etc.) and even went with me to a few doctor's appointments to support that side of the application as well.

    She also documented (on their application form) that I was unable to complete the form without assistance due to pain and cognitive issues. This served as a concrete example of what I'm unable to do.

    I hope you're able to find someone to help. If not someone from a professional agency, perhaps a friend or a friend of a friend who has some experience with such matters can help.

    After you establish your basic needs, you can focus on rebuilding your life. This will take some time and creative planning but I promise you, life is worth living.

    Even a life made different by illness and poverty can be rewarding. You'll see.

    God bless,
    Anne Theresa

    God bless,
    Anne Theresa