Fibrofog!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Fibrolady37, Oct 28, 2002.

  1. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Hi im sharon & am new here only posted 2 messages including this one.
    Ive had fibro,cfs,ibs & asthma for 6 years now.
    I have no contact with my family as they dont understand fibro,my sister says im selfish & just want sympathy.
    This is so untrue & i hope someone sees this & can relate to my story.
    All ive ever done is reach out to family & say this is me please help me im so alone & im so scared.
    Ive only ever wanted reassurance for them to say were here everything will be ok.
    Now 6yrs on ive cut all ties as im sick of being hurt by them.
    Ive been alone from the start & have an 8yr old daughter sophie who is my life,i love her so much & her me.
    We are so close & share a special bond because of what weve been through together.
    I have a counsellor but he doesnt have fibro & i get very defensive & never know what to say to him.
    Im reaching out in the hope that someone will read this & offer words of reassurance,surely someone understands?
    Im so scared,alone & am desperate for someone to help me.
    Take care god bless you all sharon dawber.
  2. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Hi im sharon & am new here only posted 2 messages including this one.
    Ive had fibro,cfs,ibs & asthma for 6 years now.
    I have no contact with my family as they dont understand fibro,my sister says im selfish & just want sympathy.
    This is so untrue & i hope someone sees this & can relate to my story.
    All ive ever done is reach out to family & say this is me please help me im so alone & im so scared.
    Ive only ever wanted reassurance for them to say were here everything will be ok.
    Now 6yrs on ive cut all ties as im sick of being hurt by them.
    Ive been alone from the start & have an 8yr old daughter sophie who is my life,i love her so much & her me.
    We are so close & share a special bond because of what weve been through together.
    I have a counsellor but he doesnt have fibro & i get very defensive & never know what to say to him.
    Im reaching out in the hope that someone will read this & offer words of reassurance,surely someone understands?
    Im so scared,alone & am desperate for someone to help me.
    Take care god bless you all sharon dawber.
  3. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Sharon:

    Yes, I can certainly relate to what you are saying and I'm sure a lot of other people on this board will say the same thing. Because we don't look sick, people don't believe us. I have not received any help or understanding from my family either. I don't discuss my health. Fortunately, my husband has now come around. I was just diagnosed with FM this summer so am still learning about it. I was also diagnosed with endometriosis two and a half years ago. I have found a lot of support on this message board and I hope you do, too. I am amazed at how caring the people are here in the midst of their own troubles and pain. It is wonderful to have people who really understand what we are going through.

    You mentioned that your therapist was not very understanding. I would recommend you get another therapist, perhaps a woman. Not that men can't be understanding, but from my own personal experience, I liked a woman therapist better. Maybe there are support groups in your area. I am fortunate in that in my small town there is a group only five minutes from my home that meets once a month. That has also helped tremendously. I have learned to stay away from the negative people who only try to make my life harder than it already is and bring more positive, caring people into my life instead.

    Take care and know that many people do care about you!

    Ellen
  4. karen2002

    karen2002 New Member

    So nice to meet you! I know how you feel when it comes to lack of family, support. It is a very heart wretching situation. My mother died when I was young, so the only parent present,
    was my father. (Present denotes inhabiting the same planet with me). That's all we shared though.
    In the beginning, I always thought there was something different I could do, or somehow it was my fault. It is very painful, I am so sorry for you. After the years pasted, and the situation remained unchanged, I realized it was not a flaw in me. Instead of looking toward what I was missing, I made my husband and children the center of my world, and looked no more to someone who really didn't want a relationship with me. It was his loss.
    So just cast your eyes upon little Sophie---and never look back over your shoulder. Perhaps, it is time to find a therapist that you are comfortable sharing with, as well.
    Best wishes,
    Karen
  5. allhart

    allhart New Member

    welcome to the board everyone here knows how you feel and most all of us are fustreated that the rest of the world dose not understand or want to, your so lucky you have sophie (i love the name) my children are what has kept me going also this board has become my safe place from those who dont understand i hope to see you posting offten because we all need each other

    kara
  6. UmiBear

    UmiBear New Member

    I was touched by your message. I can relate to the lack of understanding/compassion from family members. But I'm here to say: Things CAN change! At first my mother blamed my Fibromyalgia on my "being fat" and said if I'd just lose some weight all would be well. She saw my disease as an excuse for not visiting her as much as we both would have liked. However, with time, conversation, and a willingness to forgive and forget, I can now say we have a great relationship! She is no longer judgemental about my Fibro, and she shows compassion when she calls and finds me having a bad day. The change was gradual. I know she read some articles about Fibromyalgia, and that helped her understand. I keep copies of a good overview Fibro article and give it to people in my life who are having difficulty understanding. Also, now that Fibromyalgia is talked about more in the media and is gaining acceptance, my Mother came across some info on her own, and that has helped.

    So hang in there! Things can change, but it's a process and takes effort and a willingness to forgive those who've hurt you. I was very hurt by my Mother's initial reaction, but I let it go. I had to. I do still have one person in my life who still doesn't understand that I'm sick, and he's "punished" me by getting angry and cutting me off. So I think this is an issue that will continue to happen to us and we just have to let go of the guilt and pain, or it will become an obstacle to getting better. And remember, those who judge us just don't understand the nature of Fibro. I've totally forgiven this person for cutting me off, and that gives me peace. And I'm even hopeful that one day he'll come around and we can be friends again.

    There's always hope in my heart.

    Take care.
  7. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Hi ellen,
    I hope youre not in too much pain today it was so good to read your reply & i was overcome when i read it.
    Its such a relief to know that youre here & to know that there are other people who care aswell.
    People say but you look so well & why do you have bad days & better days?
    Dont they realise how personal a subject this is for us & were the ones living through life with this DD.
    Im sorry youre family havent been there for you im here for you and know what chonic pain is like.
    This board is a real lifesaver& i just want to thank the people who set it up you are a godsend & make such a big difference in our lives,thankyou so much.
    Im glad youve found support here & i hope i do to,im a very caring person & am very empathic & understanding.
    Im here for anyone who needs me anytime its why i was put on this earth.
    & i do know what its like to live with pain everyday & to be positive even though youre so tired & youre whole body hurts so much.
    Being here for each other for good days & not so good days is vital to every individual on this board.
    My therapist is great its me whos all messed up with all the abuse in my life & the hurt & pain its caused me.
    There are so many different areas in my life that i need help with when i see him i never know where to start,fibrofog?!
    There is a support group locally but i have no transport & am a single parent with no family to look after sophie so i could go to meetings.
    You keep going ellen its obviously helping you & thats great im pleased you can get help & benefit from the meetings.
    I learnt a long time ago to stay away from negative people they only hurt or upset me & i dont need that.
    I only want positive,caring people in my life & have worked hard to achieve this.
    Thanks for caring & remember im always here for you,try to stay positive & keep warm very gentle hugs sharon dawber.
  8. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Its a pleasure to meet you karen,
    Thank you so much for replying it means such a lot to me it really does.
    Im sorry you have no family support either im sorry your mum is no longer with you.
    Its hard because our parents are our role models,im my case thats a joke.
    As with your dad mine lives on the same planet also i didnt ask him to its not down to me.
    You say exactly what i said as a child,im so sorry you had to go through the pain & sadness of losing your mum.
    Mine left when i was 9 but never wanted to know me it was me who kept in contact but she only ever hurt me so out of my life she went.
    Many years later i know it wasnt anything i said or did i was only a child id done nothing wrong.
    Youve done the same as me with regards to looking forward instead of looking back good for you karen well done.
    Youve got your husband & youre children youre so deserving of youre family,draw on the love they give as im sure you do.
    Sophie is my world & means everything to me weve been through so much together we share a very special bond that no one can ever take away from us.
    Hooray for your husband & youre family i hope youre all happy together looking after each other.
    Sophie & i are i look at her & my protective instincts are so fierce towards her it brings tears to my eyes.
    Im very lucky to have a very special man in my life & again were there for each other & help each other.
    We are so good for each other & this week i learnt to tell him exactly how im feeling.
    Thats a major break through & weve now turned a very important corner in our relationship,ive learnt that he cant read my mind.
    My therapist is great its me whos so messed up,i have so much to cope with i never know where to start.
    Im going to have to learn to focus on whats important to me my daughter & my partner.
    Remember im here for you always & thanks for being here for me i look forward to hearing from you again hang on in there.
    Very gentle hugs & lots of love.
    Sharon
  9. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Hi kara (ALLHART),
    Thanks for the welcome & support its great that i have somewhere i can come & be there for others like me.
    I know people dont understand or dont want to but thankfully we do,we have to stick together.
    Sophie (glad you like the name) means everything to me shes what keeps me going.
    Im so glad youre children have kept you going,how may do you have & what are theyre names?
    Its good to have a place for me to come when those others dont understand.
    Thanks again & yes ill be posting as often as i can now i know you i can send you messages.
    Very gentle hugs
    Sharon
  10. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Hi umibear,
    Hope youre having a better day today.
    I read your reply to my post so thanks for that.
    Im glad that youve been able to forgive your mother & that she understands & shows compassion for you & your fibro.
    In order for people to get educated it would be a gradual process & would also take time.
    Good for her for reading fibro articles go mum!
    Your father however has cut you off & youd like him back in your life one day.
    Just remember you come first & youre the most important person you have to focus on.
    With mum onside it will be easier for you so you stick with mum & her you.
    I would be quite prepared to forgive my parents & help educate them,just one problem they arent around.
    My mum left when i was 9 moved around a lot i kept in touch with her but she only rang me when she felt like it.
    My parents abused me & id have given them both a 2nd chance but theyve caused me to much pain.
    Ive had pain all my life & am living through it now i also have a beautiful daughter who is my world,thats where im different to my parents.
    I know the hurt & pain my parents caused me i have to face it every day of my life.
    I also know i could never walk out on her whatever my circs.
    Me & sophie are so close weve been to hell & back & we share a very special bond no one can ever take that away from us.
    Im a very positive person who copes well with this DD hag on in there things can only get better!
    Take care sharon
  11. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    Hi Sandy,
    I just read your reply to my fibrofog post thanks for that & for your support,this board is great for support thats why i like it.
    Its great having my fibro family & its so good when people reply to posts ive sent it feels good to know someone cares.
    Im sorry to hear how youre family treated you,well done for writing to them to explain.
    Im sure its difficult for them as normals at least now youve educated them so well done for that.
    Here youre never alone so teke comfort in that ok & keep going sandy.
    Whatever a day brings i think of my daughter,sophie aged 8 & i always have a smile on my face.
    She keeps me going & we share a special bond because of what weve been through,im so glad i have her,my little princess.
    Hang on in there very gentle hugs sharon dawber