Filling out SSI forms making me so DEPRESSED

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by fibrohugslife, Apr 19, 2006.

  1. fibrohugslife

    fibrohugslife New Member

    I just got my SSI forms to fill out this weekend. Well when I went through these forms and trying to fill them out, it just makes me feel so sad and seeing just all of my limitations and trying to put it into words so difficult for me to do.

    I just wish the SSI team could go inside my body and see the hell that I am going through and use that the determine their decision about my disability. It is also so frustrating to fill out.

    Anyway I just feel really depressed and alone here, and I know that I am not alone on here but at home here, with no real close friends here to visit me. Right now I am looking for a counselor to see about my depression and anxiety issues.

    I also find that I am having trust issues that is affecting a special friendship with a guy that I have been seeing and any other person that I would like to date.

    At this time I don't feel like talking to anyone in person or on the phone or anything, and I am trying hard to remain open but right now I just feel like I am shutting down emotionally and all.

    So I don't know but I can't wait to get these SSI forms done and mailed out because they are just stirring up so much emotion, and pain about my life and how much it is has changed with this illness in the last few years.

    Many hugs,
    Nicole
  2. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    I can well imagine the emotions that are being stirred. You are simply too young to have to suffer through all of this .. and so pretty!

    Don't shut down Nicole. Your inner self isn't what is affected, just the shell of the body - keep relationships as open as possible. Those who are true friends will understand, and those others? Well, just hold your head up and go on. Just be yourself.

    Writing all the stuff about why our bodies don't work right is depressing, and it's natural to feel depressed. Just having someone to talk to will help. I hope that this board helps you as well.

    Warm hugs, Jeannette
  3. fibrohugslife

    fibrohugslife New Member

    Thank you so much for your message. I am trying so hard to stay open but I am just slowly shutting down. I don't have anymore friends out here. I lost them all one by one. So now I have no friends out here now. So I am by myself a lot now. It has been that way for the last 3 years now. I have a hard time finding new ones and I cannot find a way to go out and meet new people anyway.

    I do try to date but it is so hard for me to separate my illness from myself and then deal with more and more men running to the hills when they find out I am chronically ill, that I just don't want to date anymore.

    I am currently in school and hope that SSI does not use that against me, as I do have my difficulties with school and getting assignments done and participating in the classroom discussions. LOL sometimes I don't even know what I am saying.

    Anyway illness does not judge, anyone can get ill unfortunately. I was just hoping I would be ill as an old lady not right now. However at times I do not feel that I will make it in my old age with all that I suffer through.

    Nicole
  4. fibrohugslife

    fibrohugslife New Member

  5. lovethesun

    lovethesun New Member

    It's hard to think about.Copy it after you are done so you never have to write that part done again.I keep telling myself that a lot can happen in the years to come,things could get better sometime in the future.Linda
  6. Jen102

    Jen102 New Member

    makes you feel more like a loser than having to PROVE you are a loser. Been there, done that. It is hard to dwell on all of the things that you can't do. Hope you get approved soon and can put this behind you. Blessings to you. Jen102
  7. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Nicole:
    Do not get down about it. It is a step to getting your Social Security. Go gung-ho with it and know you deserve it.
    This is a beginning of what will probably be a constant fight with them and if you get down now, it is what they expect and many give up during the process.

    Remember: it is your best interest to know you are handicapped and there is no shame in it and the forms are your avenue to let them know what it is like. Lay it on thick for them.

    nyrofan
  8. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    I remember the feelings you described from when I was filling out my own insurance/CPP forms. It just about broke my heart when I saw it all written down like that, depressing for sure.

    But they're just words on paper and even though they describe the state of your bodymind, remember your spirit is alive and well, unscathed by this devastation.

    I recognize the need to shut down and stay away from people as I do that frequently myself. However, please be careful because isolating yourself too much can often make the depression deeper.

    We're fortunate to have such caring friends on this site. During times of being housebound, alone or isolated from family and friends, it's important to maintain the connections with people here. This site and others like it can be a true blessing for people like ourselves.

    I hope you find a good counselor to help you through some of these issues. Keep us posted.

    God bless,
    Anne Theresa
  9. fibrohugslife

    fibrohugslife New Member

    I am trying my hardest..

    I woke up earlier this morning and was just vomiting and it was a side effect to a med that I am on. So sleep has been rare for me today. Right now I just feel so weak. The idiot that upset me has made me cry and now emotions are down again.

    I am trying my hardest to stay positive, but I am just so up and down emotionally that right now I don't feel like talking to anyone until I am done with these forms, which will be a good week or so.

    I ALWAYS make copies of everything that I do, I don't trust the government or any agency that much with anything that I send them LOL, places so big and unorganized that they would not surprise me that they would lose your stuff. You should see all of my files, it's massive and organized.

    Thanks for all the encouragement everyone but I think at this time I am just needing to shut everyone out except for my parents as I live with them. I just can't handle anything else additional while I try to write out these forms. The information that I am writing in there about myself is just so sad and I really feel like my life is just really gone and my future is so uncertain as well, can't plan much of anything or do anything. I am looking forward to my family vacation to the Caribbean this summer as I think it will be good for me to get away for awhile.

    Many thanks,
    Nicole


    [This Message was Edited on 04/20/2006]
  10. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Nicole:
    Disability is just a change of life. We adapt. Once 'in the system' things improve a bit.

    Good idea not trusting the government. (Just my opinion).

    nyrofan
  11. Jordane

    Jordane New Member

    I have been at these forms FOREVER!!!The Canada pension dissability.I have gone over and over.So afraid I am going to do something wrong!! ITS DRIVING ME BOONKERS!!!
    Was up so long today working on them,my body is one big throb.But I want to get them out of here.I am tired of begging.Thats what they make you feel like.
    Do they think we WANT to be sick,so tired that your head feels like a cannon ball!!Theres NOT a part that doesnt hurt.Hurts to lay down,sit up.You cant win!!!
    I am so sorry,really,I got on here to tell you I understand,that I am right there with you hun.Hang in there.They say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger(or something like that,my brains are mush!:>(
    Seriously hun,take care of yourslf.We are right here with you!:>)
    Hugs
    Jordane
  12. Fibrolady37

    Fibrolady37 New Member

    dear im so sorry to hear of your problems these dds bring.
    I couldnt fill my forms out so i got welfare rights to do them for me.
    They make em so damned difficult for us to decipher.
    You are always amongst friend s on here.
    We are all here for each other theres always some1 to help u.
    May god bless you & yours.
    fibrolady37.
  13. findmind

    findmind New Member

    I know, this is so hard to do. It brings up the grief we feel at what we used to do and can't anymore.

    Plz go to SSDI and look up the suggestions from me and others that will help you do this.

    My major suggestion is to take your job description apart piece by piece and relate how and why you can't do that anymore...

    Especially the cognitive problems!

    Hope you get thru this difficult task with not too much trauma to you....

    Set up GOOD record-keeping, now, ok?

    findmind