FINDING MY WAY BACK HOME...someone pls help me

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Butterfly_of_grace, Mar 26, 2007.

  1. Butterfly_of_grace

    Butterfly_of_grace New Member

    Hello everyone!
    Im just writing this because Im wondering if you all can say a lil prayer for me.

    You see, life has just really gotten so difficult for hubby and I and our financial situation, our health and all the other things in life; you know how it is, things sneak up and bite you right in the tush when you least expect it. our biggest challenge is financial.

    Its tough raising 4 kids and all the increases we have seen in expenses (of daily living) in just the past year. SOme days its like trying to squeeze blood from a stone. The worst is that every time I think I have a great idea or I get a grip on the financial planning POOF something else happens.

    We just are barely making ends meet at the momment. I think the only thing we do have going for us is that we love each other and we are always there for each other and our beautiful children who really truly are such great kids.

    Hubbys health is a major concern lately....Hubby seems to be struggling with his seizure disorder....
    I see the scary things going on with him and half the time I cry because of fear that he will have another one soon and another one while he is driving...I can actually visualize him dying which freaks me out to the point where I cant breath. He's been acting confused alot lately and just not himself...which to me is a sign something is going on....he is overworked with two jobs and alot of overtime and not enough rest and the stress...ALL things that make Siezures come on.

    I work too trying to help us make ends meet...frustrating to feel like Im a hamster on a wheel just going round and round and round everyday and not getting anywhere....we really are trying to do our best and it doesnt feel like its enough...Im frustrated, Im sad, Im anxious and Im so so so tired.
    ....so many other emotional struggles in the household with my lovable and wonderful step-kids (a boy and a girl) and all the emotional struggles that my stepdaughter is going thru with her mom who is once again doing drugs and really playing with her emotions.

    Shes 14 1/2 and quite a beautiful and wonderful young lady wsho has such talent in writing and has a heart bigger then this world. I love her like I had given birth to her. All the times her and I cry together because of her mom hurting her, sit curled up on the floor together working thru all her hurt and pain from her mom...yet her mom will say one thing and shes her

    "best friend" until something else happens. ALl I do is offer support, love hugs and kisses and sit back and watch the tangled web of lies her mom creates as she falls apart over and over again. I get so angry at her mom...I dont tell ehr this but I get angry because after her mom causes her heart to break I am always the one cleaning up the emotional mes left behind...I resent it at times...

    Id like to make a confession to all of you...I am so guilty to say that sometimes I wish her mom would just drop out of her life because it would be better for her...then there are those times that I try to put myself in my stepdaughters shoes and try to get that negative thought out of my head. I feel horrible for feeling that way but understand that I am so emotionally tapped and exhausted that everytime I finally get my stepdaughter feeling better POOF her mom starts her nonsense again and believe me, IM EXHAUSTED from all of this....

    ALl I tell my stepdaughter to do is pray for her mom, love her mom and know that she cant change her mom and the only one who can is her mom herself...until then, her mom will always be the person she is. My step-son is very detached from his mom, but hes very attached to his big sister and gets very upset when his mom upsets her. He always says how he hates his mom...

    I tell him not to hate her, just love her but its ok to be disappointed in her and angry with her and that hate is a strong word and that no matter who she is as a person she will alwasy be his mom and hating her isnt the answer. (he was only 6 months old and she was only 3 yrs old when his dad got custody of both of them). He calls me mom to his friends which to me is an honor. They dont see their mom eanymore because its an unsafe environment with drug abuse, alcohol, 4 other kids that are on welfair and a stepfather who beats all of them. Last yr their mom threatened twice to kid nap the kids so now they really cant see their mom unless its supervised visitations. To this day their mom doesnt understand why she cant see the kids.....unbelievable, but probly because she was high when she has put them thru so much in the past and she doesnt remember. God have mercey on her soul. SHe isnt fit to be anyones mom.

    I have 2 daughters. My youngest is really suffering from severe anxiety issues and is receiving counseling. She is 9 1/2 yrs old. SHe has problems with eating because of her nerves and she is a challenge and a drain emotionally as well. Poor thing has no confidence and is afraid to leave my side. Its heart wrenchign to see her anxiety disorder rule her little world. My oldest is 13 1/2...shes holding her own but she has emotional issues to that stem from her dad. We deal with them when they arrise. SOmetimes we bat heads, other times we cry together.

    In our house we ALL seem to cry together...whether its my step-son step daughter lil daughter or my oldest daughter...when ones down we all are hugging and crying and trying to comfort one another. My daughter is very close to my stepdaughter. They go to school together and are on the same grade. Its wodnerful to watch the two. We are blessed that all four kids get along so well liek they all came from the same set of parents.

    Anyway, Im rambling...

    my point is this; I am DROWNING emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially. Im tapped of all my inner being and Im truly a lost soul. I am feeling SO DEFEATED and beaten up lately...truly...Im lost...I wonder where God is at times..I talk to him and ask him to please intervene...I wait patiently...I listen carefully only to hear silence...I look around me to see the signs but I havent seen any yet......but I am desperate now...I really need his intervention...This is all so overwhelming and IM really at the end of my rope

    I feel somehow somewhere I have lost my way with my relationship with God....walking aimlessly lately..a path of silence and fear, feelign like I have no purpose or reason other then its just another day Im here to struggle the same struggles I did the day before...

    Im asking for your help to find my way home again and find God. I feel so hopeless...so alone...so isolated. I need God in my life, I keep asking for him and I still am waiting on him. Maybe my problems arent so big and they arent important but truly he must see that my plate is overflowing and he must hear me when I cry asking him for relief.

    what more do I do?

    I need fellow christians to help me get back home...can someone please help me? Im so lost.

    thanks for listening...Sorry for rambling.

    -Diane
    [This Message was Edited on 03/27/2007]
  2. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    I promise to pray for you, and for your family and your "situations". I suggest that you put your own name on the weekly prayer chain that is listed, it will have Thursday nights date on it, and we all try and pray at the same time.

    I ask God to lift you up and get you through all you face.
  3. caffey

    caffey New Member

    Father could You please come in to the middle of diane's situation right now. Please come and bring order out of the chaos in her life. Please come and bring peace and calm in the middle of the storm. please come and shine Your light into her darkness. Pleas Lord make a way where there seems to be no way. Please Father this day could You let something happen that she will give her hope and that she will know that You are aware and working in this situation. Please Father help her to feel Your Presence. Please surround her with Your love. Please help her to know that You love her so very much. Please bring some people to come along side her and help her through this season in her life. Please come now sovereignly and supernaturally in this situation and that people will know that You have done this. So please hold her tight. Thank you for the wonderful things You are going to do in Jesus Name Amen. If you have a Bible you might want to start reading in the Psalms in the middle of the Bible and underlining and marking up the verses about who God is in the middle of your situation.
    Cath
  4. 143alan

    143alan New Member

    I can't express in words the feelings Christ is stirring in my heart about your situation. He is with you, he knows what you're going through, he hears your prayers. You have taken a step to share yourself with us and open up about what you're having to deal with and the leap of faith it takes to do that is pretty big. I really feel like you will soon see God's power flow in your home and life because of your faithfulness and patience. I will be praying for God to show you his presence in your life, where he is working in your family and his will for you. I also pray that he pour out an abundance on your family and meet every financial need.

    Please take care and know that we love you and care about you and your family and want to know how you are doing.
    Nancy