First time here I'm lost in Australia

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by MsSad, Jul 1, 2006.

  1. MsSad

    MsSad New Member

    Perhaps I'm not starting in the right place but I have had feelings of increasing sadness and I need/want to start somewhere.
    Tears sit at the back of my eyes but I can't say why specifically, they spill over and I cry quietly, blurring my vision as I type.
    I don't seem to be able to bring myself to talk to or expose my unexplained sadness to anyone - my birth family don't/won't understand and won't want to know. I work all week and hide increasingly on the weekends. I'm lonely but I don't want anyone to see me like this. I turn 50 in 4 weeks. My children have grown and left home and my husband left our marriage 6 years ago - I can't seem to get past that. I re-located, then returned 4 months ago. I feel hollow and empty, yet I have a good job, a neat, clean little unit and can provide for myself.
    Any thoughts? Suggestions?
    Ms Sad
  2. MsSad

    MsSad New Member

    Encouraging words.

    I have been going through menopause for about 10 months and having tment for that.

    I am reluctant to attach/blame my feelings on hormonal changes as I feel it is more likely to be circumstances (probably my non-acceptance of the situation). I loved being a mother and wife and now I'm struggling with not being needed regularly as a mother and not being wanted as a wife. Rejection is a horrible feeling. I don't quite know my role any more.

    In any case, I do recognize this as depression and I will try to do something about it.
    Thanks again. Clare

  3. Cycie

    Cycie New Member

    Hi Ms Sad,
    It's no fun when we get down like this and you will pull yourself out I am sure of this, we may be down but we are not out.

    Where in Aus do you live, I am on the sunny Gold Coast.

    Take care and be kind to yourself.

    Huge Gentle Hugs
    cycie
    PS re: not being needed as a Mum etc anymore, I know exactly how you feel, I am a Mum of 4 girls anda G'Mum of 11
    being 6 boys/5girls. I have been married twice and both went sour, so now I have decided to stay on my own, but it does get hard, not having someone you can talk things over with and as the G'kids are getting older and going to school we don't get to see them as often and you do feel
    sheeee where am I and what is my role????
    I can't answer that because I am going through the same thing. Somehow we must find a way to stay busy?????
    Good Luck[This Message was Edited on 07/02/2006]
  4. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    I hope I am not overstepping any boundries, but have you thought about any community activities?

    Maybe some church, temple, whatever your belief's are. That is a great way to get out meet people and be spiritually uplifted as well.

    All the other suggestion's were great, but I think addressing our spirit is important in our well being too.:)Knowing you are not alone.

    I hope I haven't offended you or anyoneelse on this post, just my opinion.

    I hope you find what you need to feel better.

    Best wishes,

    Claudia
  5. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    Ms Sad it sounds like you can sit in your own puddle of tears for what you have lost ,or you can look around at a new found freedom to be able to do what you want to in life.

    Sometimes being alone doesnt have to be sad.You are free to find new things in life to brighten your days .There are others in this world that really need and want someone just like you in their life.

    I said the same thing a few month ago to my daughter that they never needed a mom anymore and she quickley informed me that was not true.That they just need us in different ways.

    As for your husband remember he's the one that left not you.You can move on with no guilt and make yourself a prioity for probably the first time sence you were married.
    Also men go thu medapause to, women are just smarter because we will admit it.

    Break out of this mood ,buy yourself some flowers and start living your life .You've greaved long enough.To everything there is an end ,but to everything there has to be a beginning.

    When the flowers die ,it is time to plant new seeds.
    Talk to your doctor and take his help but YOU are the only one that can change your life.And you already have begun toby talking to us here.

    Good luck and keep writeing us all here. We care and take turns helping each other.I hope I have helped you.
  6. spiritsky

    spiritsky Member

    MSsad...please please get your hormones looked at and balanced. My wife went through horrible menopause, frequent periods of crying and unexplained sadness for about 10 years. Finally, finally we got her hormonce balance with a good doctor. All bio identical hormones, a Biest cream, progesterone, a little testosterone. Hasn't cried for a long time now. The key for her was really getting on the right estrogen and taking enough of it. She used to always take just a little bit and she was using a triest cream which was not right for her...Anyway just some thoughts. Unexplained sadness is really pointing to some kind of deficiency.

    Also, a good thing to look into is neurotransmitters. Taking a Tyrosine supplement 1000 to 1500mg a day helps a lot of people with depression as does boosting seratonin levels with Tryptophan or 5htp. Depression is often caused by a lack of nuerotransmitters in the brain, rather than some life event. It's often hard to separate the life events as causing depression from the deficiencies in hormones and neurotranmitters because we all go through some level of suffering in our lives and can easily attribute our depression to those events rather than to some difficult to diagnose deficiency. Deal with the deficiencies so that you can rule them out as the underlying cause and then you can more clearly deal with the life events...

    Namaste.

  7. jenni4736

    jenni4736 New Member

    MsSad,

    I have found one of the most rewarding things to be volunteer work. If you love children maybe you could volunteer time to the children hospital or community center. It really put my life in perspective when I saw others suffering pains and hard times.

    When you have lived your life FOR your children and your husband it is difficult to find your place again in the world. We all need to feel as though we make a difference in someone's life and to the world. It make us feel valued.

    You said you have a good job. I have no idea what it is but maybe you could fine a way to reach the hearts of others through that. Sometimes the simplest kind gesture to a stranger could be enough to make their day brighter.

    You are valued.You have a purpose on this Earth to make things better. You are a caregiver...find something to inspire you...it will give you the strength to face each sunrise with hope.

    Jenni
  8. TAM

    TAM New Member

    HI MS SAD
    I'M SORRY YOUR SO SAD. I KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THREW I'M SAD DEPRESSED ALL THE TIME BECAUSE OF MY DAILY PAIN. I'M ON WELLBUTRIN AND CYMBALTA FOR THAT.

    MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO TO YOUR DOCTOR FOR YOUR DEPRESSION AND HE CAN GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO HELP YOU OVERCOME OR HELP DEAL WITH YOUR SADNESS.I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOUR BIRTH FAMILY WON'T UNDERSTAND, I'M A STRANGER TO YOU BUT I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY AND YOUR NOT ALONE SWEETIE, I MIGHT NOT KNOW YOU BUT I CARE ABOUT YOU ALL THE SAME I WISH YOU WELLNESS AND I HOPE YOU CAN GET RID OF ALL YOUR SADNESS.

    MAYBE YOU COULD OPEN UP TO ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS OR A CO WORKER, YOU NEED TO OPEN UP TO SOMEONE AND TRY NOT TO KEEP ALL YOUR FEELINGS INSIDE OR IT MIGHT LEAD TO ADDITIONAL SADNESS.MAYBE YOU COULD OPEN UP TO ONE OF YOUR CHIDREN, I KNOW IF MY MOM WAS SAD I WOULD WANT TO HELP HER ANY WAY I COULD EVEN IF ALL I COULD DO IS LISTEN AND GIVE HER A SHOULDER TO CRY ON AND BE THERE FOR HER.. I'M CERTAIN YOUR CHIDREN WOULD HELP YOU.

    I WISH YOU WELL TAKE CARE. ALL THE BEST.
    TAMMY
  9. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    It sounds like you are depressed. Here is a link to a depression screening test:

    http://www.depression.com/depression_questionnaire.html

    I suggest that you call your doctor and go in for an evaluation.

    There are many things that can be done to help you - dietary changes, talk therapy, drug therapy, spiritual guidance, etc. but YOU have to ASK for help.

    Asking for help does not mean that you are pathetic or a failure, asking for help is a sign of strength and recognition that something within isn't "right" and needs to be treated.

    Welcome to the board. You'll find a very supportive community right here as well.

    Hugs,
    Madame Curie
  10. MsSad

    MsSad New Member

    Yes, I really do live in Australia - Wodonga actually. It is on the border of NSW & Victoria just south of Albury.
    Since I last wrote I have indeed turned 50 and surprise surprise, I did not shrivel up and die. I became more deeply depressed closer to the day and was definitely in a very dark hole the morning of my B'Day.
    Since then, things have not been so bad but I struggle almost daily to ward off the blues. I have started some hormone therapy and with a little luck that will help somewhat.
    I stumbled on this website just searching for some answers and now realise it is a website for people suffering debilitating illness. I do not have these illnesses and reading other people's letters, I feel quite ashamed that I am whingeing for no apparent reason - it has been very humbling.
    Should I stop using this site?
    I also was married twice and I'm sure that is a contributing factor to my low self-esteem. How do you cope with that?
    Thanks again.
    Ms Sad
  11. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    I am sure if you use the depression board you will recieve lots of understanding help.Or you can just stay here.We all care about people.
    Sue
  12. Cycie

    Cycie New Member

    You just turned 50 what date???
    I will be 56 on the 9th and not looking forward to it, most of the friends I used to Linedance with have all but dumped me, the old story, put ya in the too hard basket and I don't think really want to know whats goin on.

    I had 4 friends die last year and one of them Linda I really miss terribly, this will be the first B'day without her. We used to buy each other 2 cakes because we both liked caramel and pavlova, so we got both...hehehe

    I hope the hormone therapy works really well for you and DON'T be ashamed at all, this DD is so hard to cope with, I tell my Doc every 3 mths or so, I have a Poor Me week and I am entitled to it and he laughs with me and tells me to hang in there.

    How do I cope with the marriage thing, i don't really know, I some times think there must have been something wrong with me but then the first one bashed me at least once a week and the 2nd screwed everything that wasn't tied down, I put up with the first one and was too stupid to see what the 2nd was doing, probably didn't want to know.
    I just go on from one day to another, I am not really looking for anyone but maybe if someone came along I would consider it, way hard to trust again though.

    You take care of you and do what makes you feel a little better, it's a shame we don't live closer, nevermind.

    Be kind to yourself
    Huge gentle hugs Cycie
  13. hangten52

    hangten52 New Member

    I know exactly where you are coming from. I was diagnosed w/clinical depression years ago. When it first started, I could be washing dishing, riding in my car, or any situation. I would cry and cry and didn't know why I was crying-it wasn't like I got bad news or was thinking about something that made me cry-I would cry at the drop of a hat.

    Anyway, my sister convinced me to see a psychologist. She was so great. She wouldn't judge me-she just let me talk. She put me on anti-depressants and within a few weeks I was back to my old self.

    You cannot do this on your own. Please find someone who is trained to help you and can put you on meds. You may find that you don't need to stay on them long, just long enough that you know you are feeling better and have found the key to open the door to find out why you are sad.

    Good luck,
    donna
  14. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Don't give in to depression. Fight back. Get therapy and medication. You may not need to take meds permanently.

    Are there 12 step programs or support groups down under?

    Once you feel better you will probably want to explore new areas: volunteer work; arts and crafts; helping at school or church, etc.

    Good luck.