Firsttimer

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by knickelson23, Mar 30, 2006.

  1. knickelson23

    knickelson23 New Member

    I have been reading this board for a week or so and have really enjoyed it. I have FMS, osteoarthritis, IBS, asthma, and had a hysterectomy a year and a half ago. I finally found others who I can relate to and for the first time I don't feel so isolated in this world of chronic pain, fatigue, etc...After reading many messages from many of you, I realize that although my symptoms leave me feeling as though I have been hit by a tank, I am not nearly as bad as many of you are. I just wonder if I will eventually reach that point. I seem to slowly get worse and worse over time. My job is very physical. I work in a grocery store and I do a lot of lifting, bending and twisting while stocking and the repetitive stress on my joints is making my osteoarthritis and FMS worse. I receive great pay and insurance, not to mention 401-K, paid days off, etc...I don't think that me and my kids can live off of my fiance's income, so quitting my job is a last resort. But there are days when I have to force myself to go in there. I get so tired and I hurt all the time. But I don't think I'm to the point where I feel justified in going for SSD. Am I just in denial? People tell me that I have a tendency to be very hard on myself and I push myself beyond my limits. I just don't know how long to continue working at my job. I really hate to give up the insurance. But I know that I cannot continue at this rate. I'm just doing more damage everytime I over do it. My boss tries to avoid sticking me with too much but sometimes it can't be helped. A lady bought a 32-inch television the other day and I was the only one working that could help her lift it from the dolly up into the back of her van and believe me, I might as well have picked it up by myself. (the other girl working with me is 7 months pregnant and I certainly wasn't going to let her help). Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for some advice from someone who truly knows how I feel. As the story goes...I look fine on the outside to others, but on the inside...well, I think you know. Nice sharing with you all. Karen
  2. RockiAZ

    RockiAZ New Member

    Glad you found us, but sorry you have to be hear. You can read my bio, I didn't list all the other yucky symptoms that I have...too long (click name on left side). However, I can relate as alot of other members here can.

    My opinion on working - I wish I could return to work now, not only for the financial aspect, but for the social contact. I worked up until I could no longer physically, or mentally do it anymore - to where I couldn't even make it out of bed. Pushed too hard? Probably, but that's me. My working hours had been reduced SO many times in the past several years I've lost track. I was even down to 2 hour days per week and couldn't even handle that. I had also been placed on two different medical leaves. Just to note, my STD/LTD was denied - insurance companies have a hard time believing in "invisible illnessess". BUT, I'm not saying that is the case all the time as there are people who get approved.

    As of now, I have been trying so hard to get to the point where I can maybe volunteer 1-2 hours per day one time a week so I can build myself up to maybe work part-time. I am going to try this next month. My back to work goal is one year. It's a tough battle, but I'm not done living the life I have planned.

    See if your boss could put you on part-time or shorten your hours a bit. Is there another position available for you to do? All that lifting and such may take a toll on you one day. If you can continue working without damaging your health, I would suggest to alter your working hours and or duties. The homebound life is not a very fun place to be day in and day out.

    We all go through so much pain, agony, depression, frustration, sick of being sick, and so on, that you need to find an outlet that gives you hope. I'm not saying to deny any of your feelings as you have to deal with them one by one. I'm just saying to find yourself somthing that inspires you and look towards that daily.

    Sorry this is so long, guess I got on a roll....

    Live, Laugh, Love,
    Rocki
    [This Message was Edited on 03/31/2006]
  3. pemaw54

    pemaw54 New Member

    Like you, I was working when I was diagnosed but didnt have a lot of lifting in my work. In fact they were wonderful to me and I loved my job and was very good at what I do. I just kept getting worse. Some on here do not. I worked from the spring, then it was summer break for the schoolsystem and I kept getting worse all summer. I went back in August and worked until the middle of October. I started missing more and more. Used up most of my sick days and then the day came when I knew I couldnt do it anymore. You can read any of the profiles on us by clicking on our name on the side.

    Ive been home for 1 and a half yrs. Its rough but I am alot better off than most. I got to keep my insurance and part of my salary.

    I just keep getting worse. Im housebound most of the time. I do water arobics at the YMCA one to 2 times a wk but the rest of the time Im usually home.

    This site gave me friends again and we all understand exactly what you are going through. Again, welcome to you from all of us!!

    Suzette
  4. knickelson23

    knickelson23 New Member

    Thank's for the warm welcome!!! I do want to continue working as long as possible. My boss has cut my hours back to try to help alleviate some of the stress. It has helped a bunch. Unfortunately it seems as though I am one of those people who stress seems to follow. In July of 1997 I lost my dear father to a sudden massive heart attack. He was on the transplant list and I had such hope that he would get a new heart and things would be better. I was floored when we lost him. Then not long after that, my husband and I started having problems and we separated. During the separation he managed to become deeply depressed and then turned to drugs. One day he was at the wrong place at the wrong time (a drug dealer's house) and was murdered. Someone came in to rob the home owner then shot him and I guess my husband who was in the bathroom when this happened came out to see what was going on and then he was shot 3 times and killed. The one who did it was later caught and 2 years later finally after a long drawn out ordeal was found guilty and sentenced to 118 years in prison. Although my husband and I were seperated, I still loved him with all my heart. We had been together for 14 years and had 3 children together. Losing him and going through that agonizing trial was as close to Hell as I ever want to be. Plus I have 4 very close members of my family who are addicts/alcoholics. That is an everyday battle. I take care of my mother during the day while my stepdad works (when I'm not working). She was on a beer diet for 10 years straight. She drank so much that she now suffers from organic brain syndrome. She has short term memory, dimentia, fear of being alone, etc...She literally has permanent brain damage from the alcohol abuse. I've lost the mother I once had. Prior to the 10 year drinking binge, she hardly ever touched the stuff. I think all the stress and trauma I've been through in this past decade has definitely contributed to the FMS. I can remember having symptoms clear back to my child hood but of course nothing as intense as what I have now. I had killer leg cramps all the time. I would wake up in the night crying. They would hurt so bad. I take Cymbalta and without it I turn into a complete basket case. Extremely moody, hopeless, deeply depressed, hateful, you name it. I just keep trying to keep the faith that God has a better plan for me. It's just hard to avoid stress when you feel like everyone depends on you for so much. I seem to be the designated family member who is supposed to "take care of it all". Sort of like the "CEO" of the family. I'm touched and flattered that my family feels that they can depend on me, but sometimes I think they lean on me too much. But I guess I let them. I love them and it's hard for me to just say no sometimes. I don't have time to be sick it seems. My back, hips, and neck are stiff as boards and hurt all the time. My neck flares up worse than ever when I get really stressed. I think my family hears me complain so much that they've become immune to it. If my back is really bothering me, I often hear how bad they hurt too. I don't think they quite get how I truly feel. I'm sorry this is so long. I too get on a roll sometimes.
  5. knickelson23

    knickelson23 New Member

    Yes I could look for a different job i guess. I just hate the thought of starting over and I'm not good at learning new jobs. It seems when I try to learn something new, the fibro-fog kicks in and my brain freezes up. Especially when someone is watching me. If I just do the cashiers job where I work, I don't have to stock as much. But no matter how much I tell them I don't want to "manage" (which is where you do more stocking and lifting), they still seem to throw me in there anyway. I go see a Rheumy in May. I think I will see if he can write a note to my boss and maybe tell them that I can no longer do the managers position due to all the lifting. Hopefully, maybe then they will get it. I was diagnosed by my neurologist. But I want to consult with a Rheumatologist and see what he has to say. My neurologist just doesnt seem to have his heart into my situation. It's like he writes me a script and crosses his fingers that it will give me some relief so he wont have to deal with me. He zips in and out of the room and makes me feel like I'm just another number. I think he's good at what he specializes in but I dont think he's the doctor for me. I take: Cymbalta, Premarin, Flexeril at bedtime, darvocet as needed, and was on voltaren but stopped due to stomach/esophagus irritation. That's all for now. My fingers are about to fall off. Have a good day all!! Will check in later. Karen
  6. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    You sound like the rest of us! I cannot stay on as my side hurts right now. But welcome.

    Anne C

    ps you will get more responses if you go back and press edit and split your post into shorter paragraphs. A lot here cannot read more than a few lines each para.