flares and children

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by imalive, Feb 18, 2003.

  1. imalive

    imalive New Member

    hi all
    I have a 8 year old boy. He refuses to do his homework I resently found that he does nothing at school as well. The social worker at the school seggested that I give him only one hour to finish his work if it doesn't get done in that hour send him to bed. Well this is the third week of this and still the child does not do the work. And now that I flared again this time even taken out of work. It's been verry hard to deal with this. And my son is taking advatage of the fact that I don't have the strength. The other day my son didn't do the homework and for two hours I was telling him to go to bed then I had enough I grabbed him by the back of his pants to put him in his room he dropped down to his knees I was doing ok untill that nurve thing down my leg decided to collapse my leg muscles and I went down to. Only when I went down I twisted or bent my foot or something. My entire foot is blue with every toe at the base purple and very little movement in my toes and the ankle just ackes. This morning my son was yelling at me again so I went to right a letter to his teacher telling her about his morning and that the hour thing is not working yet. My hand got so sore I could not move the fingers. Then my son wanted me tighten the cuff on his jacket I told him I could not move my fingers to get it as tight as he wanted. He called me a liar and said I always have something wrong and I need to stop the facking. I started to cry and could not respond.
    I need help and don't know where else to turn.
    Thanks for reading I know It's kind of long
    I'm alive
  2. allhart

    allhart New Member

    oh my your son sounds like a mirror image of mine at that age!
    my son who will now be 14 next month and one 14 in aug,still calls me a faker once in a while,but now one has been getting migrians and other systoms,and has come to a understanding kids would rather belive your faking then your realy sick and trust me its not worth a fight with them,thats just the way some kids cope with things,he is trying to push your buttons my kids do it all the time and the truth is the worse you feel the more he may push,we seem to want over help our children sometimes like we are trying to make up for us being sick,if he cant fold the cuff like he wants it then it dosent get folded ,as far as the school thing ,it took me so long to learn this and so much heartach but its his problem not yours you can try and help but if he refusse to do the work he will suffer,make sure both the consuler and teacher tell him that if he dosent do the work he will fail at that age my sons response was so what and they did fail it wasnt till then that they realized it was ther actions that put them there it is horrible you never want to see your child fail especailly when there smart,my sons tried to blame it on me but everyday i did offer help ,see if your sons school has a summer school program, my son actually were able to go on to the next grade after completing summer school,see if your sons school dose the same,
    please try and take care of yourself ,i do know how hard this is i went threw it with both my boys,the sad thing is one of them didnt do the work in summer school and is now a grade behind his brother,its been hard and heartbraking but our kids have the final dission its them that sits in class all day not us,we have been threw it ,its his turn to grow up and the only way they do that is by learning from mistakes
    agin please try and take care of yourself,dont let him saying your faking get to you he truley dosent belive it but its one thing that can hurt your feelings in a second,next time he says it just say yep i am,and watch his response once you say that a couple of times and he realizes it not bothering you it may stopp that worked on my 9year old daughter,(it didnt work on my boys thow)
    i wish you luck i truley do no what you are going threw,
    my emails on my profile if you need it,
  3. KimAB

    KimAB New Member

    When I was a kid my mom was ALWAYS sick and sometimes *I* thought she was faking too. I swore I would NEVER be like that and would always be healthy. Yeah, well that came back and bit me in the butt !

    I have 4 kids and I know that it is not always easy to be all things to all people. Some days it is not easy to even get out of bed.

    I try to see it from their point of view, though. They are little and they depend on US to be strong and to have all the answers and to BE THERE for them and when something happens to disrupt this picture (and their world) - it must be scary for them.

    I have had to deal with a lot of my own upleasant emotions since my diagnosis and I can't imagine how children deal with hearing "Mommy is not going to get better"

    I try to rest when I can and be healthy (or put on a happy face) for them. Sometimes they just need an extra hug or me telling them that I love them even if they ARE crabby to me. And I would still love them if they were NICE to me too ! (they usually smile at that)

    I think your son is just feeling insecure and needs a little reassuring that he is still loved and life is still going to go on as it always did. Kids will try and take advantage when you are tired or feeling worse. They are kids ! It's their job !

    Hang in there, imalive !
  4. imalive

    imalive New Member

    thanks for the input my son has nothing left to take away he spends his entire night staring at the wall pretending to do homework. The part thats really getting to me is when I'm fealing ok and able do something I can't anyway cause he never finished the homework. And to prove to him that we can do things when the homework is finished one day last week I think. After the homework was done we took him bowling. He was upset about that cause all I could do was watch. I tried to pick up a ball but I couldn't even hold the six pounder the ball they use for children. I think your right he probebly hates this fms as much as I do. Any way thanks I'm going to try to sit down with him and see if he'll talk about it.