FM like going through grieving process

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Bailey-smom, Sep 15, 2005.

  1. Bailey-smom

    Bailey-smom New Member

    My darling husband has been going through a lot with me these past 7 years with all the pain I have been in and having to deal with the moodiness, etc. It is funny how dealing with FM is a bit like going through the stages of the grieving process and everyone goes through them at a different rate.

    1 - Denial & Shock- this can’t be happening.
    2 – Anger – The “why me” – you may project or displace your anger onto others
    3 – Bargaining – Try to bargain or give up something you enjoy to get back health
    4 – Guilt – find yourself feeling guilty for something you did or didn’t do before
    5 – Depression – experience a great sense of loss. Mood fluctuations & feelings of isolation may follow.
    6 – Loneliness - As you go through changes in your social life because of the loss, you may feel lonely and afraid. The more you are able to reach out to others and make new friends, the more this feeling lessens.
    7 – Acceptance - Acceptance does not mean happiness. Instead you accept and deal with the reality of the situation.

    We both, initially, went through the denial phase when I was in the auto accident and quickly moved into the anger phase where we were for a while. I believe that my husband is actually still stuck in that phase. I don’t know or remember being in the bargaining phase but I do remember visiting the guilt, depression and loneliness phases and believe at times I may revisit them. I do believe I have moved on to the acceptance phase. Like it says “does not mean happiness” but instead I do believe I am dealing with the cards I have been dealt. Does this make sense?

    The reason I feel my darling hubby is still stuck in the anger phase is because he keeps making comments like he is frustrated – he thought the new meds (I just started them 2 weeks ago) would fix me. Why can’t the doctors fix my problems.

    Augh! I think I will be sitting him down with FM info and maybe he will understand that I will not be “fixed”. I told him that I am not always bad – he just doesn’t remember the good.

    Thanks for the vent space:)

    Kelly
  2. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I had to give up my job in 97 after struggling for 2 years to keep it after diagnosis and I went through a whole year of a bereavement process.

    And yes, I've been dealt a lousy hand of cards so I just have to get on with it. Acceptance is everything, cant move on without it.

    Rosie
  3. ckahele

    ckahele New Member

    i have cfids but went thru the same process.
    it stinks.
    cyndy
  4. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    We are grieving- aren't we? I know I feel like I have lost so much of myself to FM, and I fel like my family has suffered that loss, too.
    My husband is in denial yet, but he bounces into anger every now and again. He wants me back at work- doesn't think that this will last forever- wants to find what will make me better- gets upset when meds don't work or have nasty side effects- wants me to still be able to function at a relatively stable level of physical and mental ability. I get frustrated b/c I want to find answers to help me make it through today and I want to spend my precious ability to focus on a task for any length of time on the things that really matter to me. But I'd rather have "me" back too- accepting that I can't involves much grieving and mourning over who I was and who I think I could have been if I'd not gotten sick.
    Lollie
    [This Message was Edited on 09/15/2005]
  5. patientnurse

    patientnurse New Member

    to get to the acceptance stage. I still wake up some days and think "maybe I'm not sick with this anymore", or, "tomorrow I'll be over it". Meanwhile, I manage by staying current with the discoveries. I just don't want to surrender.