for doxy from your friend jodie

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 69mach1, Feb 5, 2006.

  1. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    hi doxy,

    i had a long talk w/him...he said he wants to always be my friend..he said about the weight issue he said he is only worried about my health and he said i am not fat...he worries because he said it would tear cody up and really don't know how cody would take it...and he said he doesn't know what he would do if i ever died...

    he said he has not been feeling like getting sexual at all, he said he thinks it his hormones aging...he does have high bp...
    he said he hates his job and he has screwed everything up in his life and he has cheated on everyone that he has been with..well i aske who did he cheat on he said barbie, that was the first one i found out about, jenneifer second one i found out about...i said i was married to you during those times and they both knew we were married...i met the second one when she was 21 years...and she introduced me to her lesbain girlfriend they lived together...so anyways i said you didn't cheated on them, you cheated on me with them...he said he flet he cheated on them as well...


    he said he wants me to be happy and he said he can't make me happy because he is still trying to grow up...he said he ever won the lottery he would bugy me a house and pay off all of my debts...he said he want my health better for me...and and for me to find out what i want to do when i grow up...meaning i have to do a career change...because i can not anylonger do the dental assisting...

    i told him about my struggles during a divorce and how i did a job change that was not good for me at all and in hindsight i probably should have never quit working for dr. a....i could not help what had happened to me but i can not change it either..


    he said i need to get my meds t work for me...told him i didn't even feel comfortable to tell him i have any problems at all...

    he said he wants me to be happy and that is all wishes for me and always want to see me and go do things with and enjoys going out to dinner with me..he said maybe we will go on a cruise together sometime and maybe we will find eachother someelse...

    he said we need to work on ourselves right now and he is to blame for everythig and the divorce...he said he told cody that also...

    i told him why did you come over on christmas.my b-day because i don't want anyone to be with me if they dont want to be with me i dont' need any pity...he said he loves me and loves being with me and cody because then he feels ;liek has family...all of ours in michigan his too...

    he said he doesnt still know what he wants he has to take care of himself...

    i try not to get bitter at times him and by him not taking cody for weekend)whole)...that i feel like he gives me a guilt trip abou the driving...which is 75 miles in san jose up to marin county...traffic too as you well know...

    i said why did you call me up and wish me happy anniverssary this year and last? he said it is our anniversary and he still has his engraved goblet on his self in the living room...which i had seen once before and though that was strange...he said that was one of his happiest days of his life....he said he loved me to death but when he got out of the coast guard he never felt like he lived his life for himself...

    he said right now he is like a ship with no pilot on board..he hates his job and he is scared what he is going to do...he said he doesn't think he can do it for another 20 years...

    it told him i am scared to death myself i don't know what i am going to do in acouple of years when child support and spousal support stops...i told him i screwed myself by not going after more...he said i thought we were pretty fair...i explained by the laws he could have owed me for half the value of the truck and how i agreed or requested myself to stop my spousal support when cody graduated...high school...

    i said i helped him out on filing married filing jointly to lower his arrearages, which i didn't have to do at all...he didn't ask me i offered because hey i needed money and the irs will inteceprt child support payments on refunds...and since i was on sdi my income was non taxable.....

    so it helped me out too...

    well my mind is needing to wind down...i have a therapy appointment tomarrow w/psycologist so that will be helpful...

    so anyways i guess i just really need to take care of myself and persue my own happiness w/o him...

    thank you for caring to read about this..
    i will be fine crying
    yes but hurt i know i will be ok and i will be stronger///


    thank you doxy

    ro being a good friend


    jodie


    also he psychologist he was the most selfish person he has ever met and he sai dhe acts like is a rich person..but not...


    jodie
    [This Message was Edited on 02/06/2006]
  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i just feeling like throwing up and crying i hope my amben will let me fall to sleep ...i guess maybe soe niquil will help to for my cold...it is getting better though no fever...

    i have my psychologist appointment at 10 am...

    i need to take care of me and not worry about him


    thanks doxy

    jodie
  4. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    just for you doxy girl
  5. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i rather him be honest than not...and i am a believer that people can change, but when you force them it just isnt as effective when they are willing...so after about 10 years now he is willing...to find out the whys and the hows....

    but i can not change for him...i have to change for myself...

    and i don't want to get my hopes up that when i do make my changes that he will be wanting to reconcile....

    he knows i am a good or excellent mother told me so tonight and how great he has turned out and it is all because of me...
    his words not mine....he said i raised him even while he was in the coast guard and after he got out working the bars and all of the shit he put cody and i thru was not right and he aplogized for it...

    but know i have my ticket to work from ssdi, 'll check out what they can do for me....

    i could persu my realestate license and renew my notary license then take another class for notary signings more money for me.....

    my new med vivactil seems to be helping w/pain so maybe i can endure things better and the depresion can get lifted as well....

    i need to contact someone at sssa office or disability nonprofit that helps with benefits here in or county....

    so i have some work t do/////


    thank you for all of your support your a sweetheart...

    i need to go smoke a cigerrette adn go to bed for a nap....then take cody to school at 7:45...then dr appt at 10 am...so he will be a big help for me....

    this is probably a blessing in disguise for me....

    your loving friend

    jodie

    i hope to hear your appraisal has gone thru soon so you both may get your new cars....


  6. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i am sure you will get the money and i am so so happy for you...that will be so great...

    you will give me the strenth to do what i need to do for myself...like you said i need not get lost because he is lost...

    well i should get ready for my dr appt it's at 10 am..thank god i have the appt...the time couldn'thave ben better...the funny thing is the beiginnng of jan the psychologist told me i should give him a call and tell him i needed some space right now and to just pick him up at the door, cody that is..for about a month unil i could figure out waht i want...anyways...my car was in need a some repair and i wanted him to look at it...so he did... well i will writ back later


    thank you for your st5rong support...

    jodie
  7. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i feel sad to day but i will not break down...it is sort of something i have been trying to work toward him getting his help and us stopping the sex part...so we can either move on separately or together..it is just so sad that we have known eachother for 23 years....

    my life just didn't go as planned with him but does anyones?

    so i need to step back and take care of my own needs.....

    i was going to try to go the the local ssa office and check into the ticket to work program plus there are some things i need to discuss in reference to the ssdi payments that they still owe me....

    i am thinking about getting my real estate license that was what i was trying to accomplish prior to the separaton in 2001...but he dumped on me the i think i love and i think i want a divorce thing again....4 days before the acutual exam..i got a 69% needed a 70 %...that sucks...but that is ok i will try again i am sure....

    now i have my ssdi and getting child support somewhat regularly...that maybe i can afford to stand on my own two feet....

    also i need to renew my notory certs..by the end of march...so i think i may go ahead and do that then take another class for notary signing class...i don't really need it, but it puts my name on a broader list of companies to use me....ii have not really been doing any for about year so hopefully i can get some work again...

    thank you


    jodie
  8. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    Just take it one day at a time........if you have to take it one hour at a time.........this is so hard ...I know I have been through it myself..............

    The person who is being rejected is always the one who struggles and hurts the most...............but TRY hard not to focus on the fact that you feel rejected......I know.... I know..... it is easy for me to say and hard for you to do........but please try ok?

    Being hurt and rejected uses so much of our BIG energy and zaps us from being able to think, do , or say anything else.

    When you start to think about "HIM".......TRY as hard as you can to "RE" channel your energy to "YOU"!

    What does Jodie want?

    What will make Jodie happy and content?

    Start leaning toward only things that will truly make "YOU" content and happy.............

    if you want to go to real estate school then do it...............even if it turns out not to be the thing you truly want at least you have gained a better self image for "bettering yourself" and placing your energy within yourself and NOT towards "HIM"!

    If you keep yourself occupied and busy................ before you know it you will have made great strides and will have more self confidence.................you just may find when this happens that YOU are the one who doesn't want "HIM"!

    Now I know that you have dd so you may have limits on what you can and cannot do........so maybe you can learn or study at home, or find a support group that you can go to or call ...............

    I will support you and help you through this........because I know how alone we feel when we are going through this..................Iam here for you and Iam rooting for you Jodie...........I have faith in you and I believe that you will come out the "winner" through this difficult time!

    Love your friend
    Doxy
  9. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    thank you for yoru support...it is dificlt but i must stay positive for me and our son.

    the funny thing is i was talking to my psycologist the beginning of january adn had to meet with another one for an emergency visit to talk about me telling him i needed some space fro like 30 days...

    but my car was having radiator problems and i asked the ex to help me out...so that was the day i called a few weeks ago to ask him what the deal was.....

    that is when he said i was the one that said i wanted to stay friends...and he has been seeing someone for counseling and the his counsleor said it would be a good idea not to have the sex thing going on....

    i need to think i was really setting the boundrys first and forget about what he said to me...maybe i was the reason he finaly sought some help...i know he expressed that to me that he finally was listening to me...

    i have friends that i talk to and they said forget about him and move on...i know he has done the things he had to me...not to get at me at least but he is dealing with whatever is going on with him...
    well i will write more later

    i just got back from a casino and lost some money...i need to stayout of those places...

    thank you again for reply and being there for me...


    jodie