for greenbean7

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by 69mach1, Aug 1, 2007.

  1. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i wanted to let you know how you feel when you are down...and you want to see your special someone make changes...

    i am crying right now because i am hurting myself...not because my child...but because of myself.

    as you may or may not know i am a child of molestation....then i have had so many different inappropriate things happen as well thru most my life. and most recently in february sexually assualted..mentally and physically injured in the process.

    i was going back to college to change careers to try and earn a decent living, i am only 42 years old...i do get ssdi. but mentally too young to retire for life mentally.

    so i am having to make some changes right now because of most recent incident that has happened in february. i am dealing w/ptsd now and it runs deeper now...

    i am in therapy....i have made some pour decisions...dealing w/having a few one night stands..and rumors get out and get embellished and in the process i am now get called some not so nice things beind my back...

    so live in somewhat a city but i knew alot of people before my life spun out of control in february..really started on my spring break...

    now i don't know how i get those people to stop talking or respect me again...but i can make my changes for me to feel better about myself.

    i just wanted to write to you and let you know personally i know how your daughter feels inside, there is pain of disappointing friends and family. but we can change our behavior one day at a time.

    big hugs to you and your daughter.

  2. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    Your story touched me deeply. I, too, was sexually abused as a child and due to an abusive marriage was diagnosed with PTSD. My heart goes out to you.

    I received a text message from Joey's exboyfriend on Tuesday and he said she had threatened to commit suicide if they didn't get back together. I know Casey is only trying to upset me because he knows that Joey's dad committed suicide and that this is a major fear I have for Joey.

    I sent Joey an email (she is not available by phone except when she calls me) telling her what he said and that it would destroy my heart if she did that. She assured me that she had never said anything like that to Casey or anyone else and she would call Casey and tell him to leave me alone.

    Casey and Joey's best friend (ex best friend now!) moved in together a week ago and it really upset Joey to lose her best friend, but not Casey.

    I can also relate to the one-night-stand thing. It was years ago, but I beat myself up over it sometimes. I try not to, but you know how it is. I think it was due to needing acceptance and feeling "soiled" or "broken" because of what happened to me as a kid. I can't even imagine how you are dealing with the after effects of rape. I pray you are seeing a good councilor. My councilor is the only thing that got me through the worst of the PTSD.

    I've been feeling better yesterday and today because I'm getting over the exhaustion, mental, physical and emotional, of seeing my Mom (she has Alzheimer's) on Friday. Not so down in the dumps now that the pain has slacked off some and I feel much better about Joey.

    She called yesterday to ask for hair ribbons and a "prize". I stopped at Wal-Mart on my way to work and picked up 5 different patterns or ribbon and a word search book for her. Hope that qualifies as a "prize". She doesn't eat candy and it's hard to think of anything else to send her. Really hard to buy books for someone else to read. Maybe I'll get her info on how to get a library card in the town that's 30 miles from camp.

    So thanks for thinking of me and sharing. It really does help to know that we aren't alone in what we feel and our experiences.


    Choose joy!
  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    to about my experiences...but for some reason i felt a need to share and wanted you and your daughter to know we all go through some horrific experiences...all are different but in the end they end in pain.

    and i am working to move on and not repress the bad experiences i have encounter through out my lifetime....

    i have emailed a few friends and explained i was making some positive changes for avoiding the bar pretty much where i am the talk of the bar...if i were a man they would be saying good for you. me being a female it is your are a slut or a whore...

    even though there has been like three different guys since april...through now. not counting my exbf...they still say some harmful things behind my back.

    so i am going to join my local gym that i used to go have at and enjoy, also start college back 8/20th...i hope i do well.

    well i need to check up on my laundry.

    i am glad you could share your experience w/me. i have therapy every friday....i missed last friday becasue i forgot and i also felt badly about that.