For His Glory

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Lms526, Dec 3, 2006.

  1. Lms526

    Lms526 New Member

    Hey all,
    I just wanted to share with you a poem I wrote today about my battle with depression. But I hope the Lord use what I have written to minister to others. This poem is unlike anything I've ever written before. But it was healing for me to write it.

    In Christ,

    The Battle

    Here I am again
    Fighting a battle and an enemy
    I’ve fought so many times before.
    The enemy has me surrounded.
    Even though I can’t seem them
    I know without a doubt they are there

    I am outnumbered
    I am the prey
    The enemy is strong, powerful, and relentless
    How do you defend yourself
    Against an invisible enemy?
    The enemy has every advantage

    Since I am alone and unarmed
    I am quickly overpowered
    They ambush me
    And take me captive
    They bind me tightly and
    Take me where I don’t want to go

    They are in complete control
    I am completely at their mercy
    It is futile to resist

    For a moment, I feel a flicker of hope
    Maybe this time will be different
    Maybe this time they will be kind
    Or someone else will see
    And rescue me

    But it doesn’t take long
    For that hope to disappear
    Like the flame of a candle
    It is extinguished.

    I am taken away
    Miles away from anywhere
    The enemy takes pleasure
    In my pain
    They delight in mocking and torturing me

    They tell me I am theirs
    My life is in their hands
    I know its true

    They tell me
    I am pathetic and worthless
    In my heart
    I wonder if it is true

    I fall to my knees
    From sheer exhaustion
    I beg for mercy
    But they show me none

    The enemy knows how to inflict maximum pain
    With minimum effort
    They show no remorse.

    Finally, I can’t hold back the tears
    Any longer
    Both blood and tears are flowing freely
    My feeble cries for help only
    Make them laugh louder.

    I am held against my will
    For months at a time
    Then suddenly, without a word
    I am released

    I stagger along
    Weak, bleeding, exhausted and broken
    I stumble in the darkness
    But somehow
    I always find my way home

    I live in constant fear of
    Being captured again
    I know from experience
    It’s only a matter of time.

    Outwardly everything looks okay
    But I know the truth
    I am just going through the motions
    I die a little more every day
    Isolated, hurting, and afraid
    I watch helplessly as life passes me by

    There are people all around me
    Yet still I feel alone
    They just don’t understand
    And I don’t have the words to explain

    Many mean well
    But still inflict more pain on my
    Already bruised and battered
    Heart and soul

    They ask me questions
    For which I have no answers.
    “Why can’t you just let this go?”
    “Snap out of it.”
    “Why can’t you just be happy?”
    “You choose to act like this.”
    “Stop being so negative.”

    Their words ring in my ears
    I wish I could make them understand
    But how can I
    When I don’t understand it myself.

    I know without a doubt
    That words can cut like a knife

    “If you would believe for you healing you would have it.”
    “This is a sign that you have unconfessed sin in your life.
    Confess and repent.”
    “Depression is a sin. Christians shouldn’t get depressed.”

    Though these words are often left unspoken
    The message comes through loud and clear.
    I try to explain
    But my words fall on deaf ears

    Everyone knows its easier to
    Dismiss, judge and condemn
    Than to try to really understand

    I am sick and tired of being treated
    Like I have some kind of contagious disease
    I am sick of feeling like an outsider and a freak
    Always on the outside looking in

    Every morning
    I slip on my mask
    With its plastic smile
    But underneath
    I am in pain
    Walking wounded

    Then then I learn
    That I am not alone
    There are others like me
    Who have fought battles of their own
    They are kindred spirits
    They help me when I fall
    And love me completely
    Through it all
    In complete anonymity
    I can speak freely
    Without fear of judgement
    They truly understand
    Because they have been there too
    They take my hand and
    Gently and freely
    Offer me
    Encouragement, understanding,
    Comfort and compassion.

    I thank God for them
    And hope they know
    I am here for them too
    I want to help
    In any way I can
    As together
    We make our way
    Down this long and
    Often difficult road

    I know its true
    If one falls
    A friend can help you up
    I pity those who have
    No one to help
    In times of sorrow and trouble

    Alone, I am easily overpowered
    But I am finding
    There is strength in numbers
    And that true strength
    Comes only from Him

    December 3, 2006.

  2. pepper

    pepper New Member

    This is beautifully written and describes so well what I remember experiencing when I was in the depths of depression. You are a very talented writer.

    I hope that you do not believe that depression is a sin. Depression is a result of a chemical inbalance in the brain and can be treated. No one thinks that having cancer or any other disease and treating it is sinful. Depression is no more shameful.

    Being on antidepressants can help us lead happier, more productive lives. I am living proof of that.

    You express the feelings of depression incredibly well; the hopelessness and desperation come through loud and clear. I so hope that you will be able to pull yourself out of this. With God's help I am sure that you can.

    Love, Pepper
  3. Lms526

    Lms526 New Member

    Thank you very much for your imput.

    Just to clarify, no I don't think depression is a sin. The point I was trying to make is that it's a common belief and misconception among Christians and one that really hurts people struggling with depression.

    I've really been thinking about talking to my doctor about going on an anti-depressant. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope and don't know what else to do.

    This is probably going to sound strange, but depression has become normal to me. It's been part of my life for so long that I can barely remember life without it.

    I believe that too. With God, all things are possible.
  4. pepper

    pepper New Member

    that you feel that way about depression. I certainly have heard people say that it is a sin. I do not believe that such a lack of compassion is at all Christian.

    I do know what you mean about depression being "normal". I only knew how depressed I was when I felt it lift after taking antidepressants. You can have a much better life, Kms.

    I do not think that drugs are the answer to everything, far from it. But they do have their place. And when depression is affecting almost every aspect of your life, it seems that balancing the chemicals in the brain makes absolute sense.