For Layinglow, Starstella, and all other Angels On Board!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by missvickielynn, Mar 30, 2003.

  1. missvickielynn

    missvickielynn New Member

    I want to start by saying, first, that I am sorry I did not get back to everyone yesterday. And to tell you all again that I could not have made it without the support you all gave to me.

    I ended up taking a risk Friday night, that I hope never again to be in a position of feeling forced to take. When I tried to go to was no use. I was about to explode, and I knew that I would not make it through the night....even after 1.5mg of Klonopin.

    I drove to Walgreens to pick up my refill of Ultram. Lukily, there was very little traffic out, and it is literally a straight shot down one road, and back, to get to Walgreens. They are open all night, thank the Lord.

    While I was there, I bought some water and took an Ultram, then decided to sit in the chairs in the Pharmacy for a little while before driving home. While I was waiting, right after I got the script, I took my blood was 156/96!!!!

    I took it again before I left about half an hour later, and it had come down to 148/90. It remained at about that same rate even after I got home and in bed. But it was down to 136/86 yesterday morning. (I also have a cuff-type contraption....I can't remember that big word for take my pressure at home.)

    Needless to say, when the Ultram took effect, all the head shocks stopped......within an hour they were completly gone, and I was "fine". I still just shake my head when I think of the HELL I was in.....and how in one hour, with one was over. What used to seem like a miracle to me, is now pretty scary. But I know I had no other choice.

    And having been off the Ultram (despite the Hell of it) made it all the more effective Friday night and yesterday. I did not go back to the double dose....I took the one pill Friday night, 3 pills yesterday, and have only taken two today.

    My friend took me to Wal-Mart and PetSmart yesterday, and even to eat at Olive Garden. The dramatic change in how I felt yesterday was just unreal!!! Having her company and her help with the errands was A GODSEND! She was fantastic to me. Although I was extremely worn out when we got home, it did me good to have her company, and the treat of the lunch and a day out of the house, without having to drive, etc. It was such a lovely was like Heaven......especially when compared to the way I had felt on Friday. I felt like I had been let out of jail, in more ways than one. (Even though part of my relief is a trap!)

    When we got back to my house, she put everything away for me, and THEN she spent nearly 3 hours filling out my SSDI reconsideration form for me, by listening to me and helping me to condense my answers, and she did all the writing, and signed as my witness. She is going to write an affidavit for me to send to SSA, as well.

    So, despite everything I am facing.......I am so very blessed to have her friendship and help. She is the only person I used to work with at my last job, who still remained my friend. Out of a company of about 130 employees....she was the only true friend. Thank you, God, for my friend Tammy!


    I need for you to know that I appreciate the effort you BOTH took, not only to reply to me in the first place, but even more to apologize for any misunderstanding.

    I, too want to apologize to you BOTH.

    I know how difficult it is to read my long, long posts.

    I was in such a frantic state of mind when I was posting on Friday! As I stated, I cannot remember a time EVER when I was in such a state. What I was experiencing from the Ultram withdrawal (the mini-seizures, or Head Shocks, as I sometimes call them) was beyond anything I had ever been through. I was truly losing it!

    And EVERYTHING....ALL OTHER FRUSTRATIONS were just magnified to the ultimate extreme because of that. I had already been near suicidal a couple of days before I took my last Ultram. All the anger over being misled, and then deserted, by my Doc????.....and all the suffocating fear of not knowing how I will survive now.......I just was nearly psychotic.

    Please forgive the fact that I was so unforgiving of the details in both of your posts......please forgive me for not being capable of just thanking you for your suggestions, and forgive me for letting the fact that you were not clear on the details of why I am where I am, become more important than the intent you both had to offer support and identification. I understand that your intentions were both good. Please forgive me for the fact that I was just too crazed to see that!

    I hope and pray you will look past the fact that I was out of my mind completely on Friday. Please don't withdraw your support for me, and refuse to post to me any more. I do understand that we do have much in common, and I certainly did not think that either of you are not suffering severe pain and losses, too. I believe you both had the best of intentions when you replied to my desperate and never-ending post!

    Please forgive me?


    I was so happy to see your reply! You have been very kind to me before when I have posted. Thank you for saying that you read all my posts! LORDY, GIRL! You deserve your Angel Wings for making it through even ONE of my posts.....much less all of them. ANYBODY who makes it through my posts....whether they reply or not.....deserve Angel Wings, and endurance medals!

    I am so sorry that you.....and all of us....have to live with these DD's, and all the STUFF that goes with them. You are so right.....we are all just overwhelmed in so many ways, and we all cope the best we can.

    I am really sorry you had to go through the withdrawals from Ultram, and I can't imagine how it must have been to be withdrawing from Soma as well!!! Have you written about it on the board? If so, is the post still there? I would like to hear about how you got through it. I would like to hear "your story" about the withdrawal experience, start to finish......if possible! I am assuming that you did as I have done, and went back on (at least) the Ultram. How long did you go through withdrawals before you went back to the Ultram?

    I appreciate your loving concern, and you and your husband are also in my prayers, for your struggles to ease. And.....I do know what you mean about being very specific in my prayers. I am that!!

    Every night, when I get in bed, I read the Bible before I go to sleep. But first I write letters to the Lord.

    The first letter is to say thank you to Him for every single thing I am grateful for....every blessing, big or small. The other letter is to express my needs, fears, and problems that I can't find answers to, and to give them over to Him. I write them, and then put them in my Bible at the place where I stop reading before going to sleep. It does amaze me sometimes to go back and look at these letters...particularly the "needs" letters....because so many times, the things that seemed to have no solution....get taken care of somehow after I have given them over to Him in that way. It is such a blessing to be able to cross things off God's "Can Do" list!!!

    God Bless you, Kady!


    Thank you so much, also, for your reply! I am so sorry your daughter is also faced with being "limited" to Ultram, particularly with the seizure risk. It does boggle the mind trying to understand the thinking (or sometimes, the lack of) with these Doctors!!! I have a feeling, based on what the pharmacists have told me, that Ultram with be reclassed eventually as a scheduled drug. It is beyond me how a drug that comes clearly labeled as potentially addicting, is NOT a scheduled drug! Are there any other drugs that have the dependency and withdrawal potential warnings, that are NOT scheduled? I could be wrong, but I don't think so. I think Ultram is "in a class by itself" where that is concerned. Mind-boggling!

    As you may have read by now....I am going to try to get in to be seen and treated regularly, at the Hospital District's community clinic. As I mentioned, that is who pays for my Klonopin prescriptions.....for as long as I have refills!

    God Bless you for replying!


    Thanks for checking on me again yesterday! And for your continued prayers for me! And I so loved your words about out Critters. Particularly your last sentence, about how you can see in their eyes, how much they love us and appreciate being rescued and loved!!! Anybody that thinks that our critters don't feel and show emotion and love......well....I disagree! They are so human-like in so many ways, it is just a miracle!

    God Bless you, Debbie!


    I am glad if my diatribe of a post helps you in any way, since you are already seeing that the Ultram is losing it's effectiveness. If you have a supportive Doc, my advice is to plan NOW for an alternate both Layinglow and Starstella have mentioned. Alternating with another pain med, and slow weaning.

    Work out a strategy now.....don't just do like I did and blindly accept the advice if your doc just wants you to up your Ultram dose. I didn't stand up for myself ENOUGH with my doc about that, when she doubled my dose. I did express my concerns, and what I had read and heard....but I still gave in to her advice to up the Ultram....because my relationship with her was beginning to fall apart by then, and I did not have the nerve to argue about it. Plus, I was not aware that an alternative "pain management plan" could be worked out.

    Regarding your advice about an attorney.....I have written on other posts about my unbelievable struggle trying to get legal help with my SSDI claim. I understand that you cannot wade through all my long posts....really I do. But just want to assure you that I have been trying to get help.....and so far every attempt has been a failure, and the experiences have varied from up-front refusal of a CFS/FMS claim, to false promises and lies.....

    But I have not completely given up on getting help. I appreciate the advice where that is concerned!


    I am not sure how I will be able to deal with this situation of being dependent on two different drugs that produce withdrawals if stopped suddenly.

    But I will search out and do whatever I have to.....even if it means that my only choice is to wean slowly off both drugs..while I still have access to them. Because I have to do whatever it takes, given my circumstances, to see that I never again end up in the HELL I was in on Friday.

    I really did not plan well about that.....basically because I chose to believe what my Doc????? was telling me, and to disregard everything else I had read and heard, and my own instincts. But I really was completely unprepared for what the withdrawal would be like for me. Once bitten, twice shy, that's for sure!

    ONE MORE TIME......I am expressing my gratitude to everyone....AND I DO MEAN EVERYONE.....who took the time and made the effort, to help me when I was suffering. I hope you are ALL aware of the part you ALL played in getting me through an extremely dark place.

    With gratitude and love,


  2. dd

    dd New Member

    I am so glad that you are feeling better. What an awful experience you had!!!

    God does answer prayers!!! I'll be praying now that you are approved for SSD soon...Thank God for your friend Tammy.

    Peace be with you.

  3. Debgene56

    Debgene56 New Member

    Sounds like you had some angels watching over you!!!!! I was so happy to read this post. The time with your friend sounded like a vacation sent from heaven. I am glad you took your med and ended the mini seisures. I am praying that you can get someone to help you thru with this.

    I followed your last post, but I wouldn't respond, cause I was afraid what I would of reccommended wouldn't have gone over well.

    You sounded like a new person writing this post, I could tell how much you were suffering. I pray the same angels that were watching over you will stay with you and see you thru to a phaze that you can deal with comfortably. Good luck to you Vickie, and I have been praying for you.
    Much love, Deb
  4. starstella

    starstella New Member

    i am glad you are feeling better and had such a positive weekend. it was nice of you to share your feelings with everyone. hopefully we can offer each other some support when we need it in the future.
  5. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    Glad to hear you're doing better; you're in my prayers.

  6. layinglow

    layinglow New Member

    I am glad to hear that you are feeling much better, and even managed an excursion. I am looking forward to Tuesday, as I have a Doctors appointment, an all days drive. I haven't been out of the house in over a month. To see the sights and see and feel the sun, will be wonderful.

    You might check into the generic tramadol of Ultram, unless you have tried it and had bad experiences. I know it helps my finances so much, as it is so much less.

    I have a very cautious Doc, as he realizes the sensitivities in those of us with these DDs. When reducing or initiating new meds we even go by 1/4 tablet increments for up to a week at a time. Any changes we do, seem to be so magnified in these disorders.

    I don't know if you got a chance to read my last post in your original post. We do have quite a bit in common.
    I am grateful that you have survived this ordeal, and wish you the best. Please know that you have been in my prayers since your first post.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/30/2003]