for men and women with a sense of humour

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by tansy, Mar 24, 2008.

  1. tansy

    tansy New Member

    What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?
    A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

    What do they call a woman who works as hard as a man? Answer: "Lazy."

    What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
    A whine and cheese party

    Why is it called PMS? -- Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken

    Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."

    A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. the woman replied, snorting pepper.

    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
    To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

    I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

    I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life
  2. lgp

    lgp Well-Known Member

    Those were funny!!!

    Here's one my 72 year old mom told me yesterday:

    An elephant sees a naked man for the first time and nervously asks him, "Are you sure you can breathe out of that thing?" LOL!!!!

  3. tansy

    tansy New Member

    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: 'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

    After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed.

    Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'



    1. Drive up to the cash machine.

    2. Put down your car window.

    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

    6. Put window up.

    7. Drive off.



    1. Drive up to cash machine.

    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

    8. Insert card.

    9. Re-insert card the right way.

    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

    11. Enter PIN.

    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

    13. Enter amount of cash required.

    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

    17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

    18. Re-check makeup.

    19. Drive forward 2 feet.

    20. Reverse back to cash machine.

    21. Retrieve card.

    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

    25. Redial person on cell phone.

    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

    27. Release Parking Brake.
  4. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    excellent, lvoed the one about marrying wife for looks.

    Thanks for the laugh.

  5. bct

    bct Active Member

    That really cracked me up Tansy! Thanks, I needed that.


  6. raven5000

    raven5000 New Member

    LMAO tans....sooo funny! Thanks, I realllyyyy needed that today..been crying all dang morning till I read your funny!

    A woman’s guess is much more accurate than a man’s certainty.

    Rudyard Kipling
    [This Message was Edited on 04/07/2008]