Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Solaris_Starr, Dec 9, 2005.

  1. Solaris_Starr

    Solaris_Starr New Member

    Hello everyone,

    How do most of you deal with being alone? Have any of you dated or have tried to date since becoming ill? If so, can you give me some advice.

    I have been alone for 6 yrs now, even though divorcing my ex-husband was the best thing I could of done for my sanity, I would still like to think that there is someone out there that I can share my life with.

    I get so depressed thinking, "who in their right mind would want to be subjected to living this hell with me. I would feel so guilty having to put this burden on them. Yet, I get so lonely, message boards are great and all, but I miss and need human contact. I have my kids and my loving pet companion but it's not the same...I think you all know what I'm saying.

    I have meet some nice people who looked very interested and persued a dating situation with me, and I was all set and excited to go only to have this DD make it's awful apperance and ruin everything! I can never plan anything in advance, I never know from one min to the next if I can stand or not. So how do I explain this to a perspective date, if there ever would be one, without having him run for the hills??

    Thanks for your input,

  2. wangotango

    wangotango New Member

    i am in the same boat. i got divorced in 1999 and sick with cfs in 2000.for the first 2 years i was to sick to even think about it, then in 2003 i started to get a little better and thought i would try out the old dating skills again. i met a women thru my aunt who was my age and very nice person. my aunt had kind of filled her in on my cfs and why i did not work.
    first date the usual movie dinner and conversation. i told her about how the cfs affected me and all of that. she was very interested in it. i informed her that there were a lot of times i was bed ridden and she said i understand it.
    a month later i was in bed (pain, fatigue ect) and she called wanting me to got to her brother's and i told her i was very ill. she got pissed and said i was just depressed and could not take it so i said seeee ya. and that was the first and last since .
    to make matters worse i have moved from kansas city mo back to my home town which is very small like (mayberry usa) and i have kind of put the word on some women up here and they say yeah i have had cfs i get tired to.
    so i have given up for now maybe we could start a cfs dating service lol.
    i have a bunch of movies and read and listen to music and get a long ok. one time before i moved back home i was so lonely and felt like i was just invisible to the rest of the world, that i called an escort service but cancelled at the last minute.
    any way i hope that helps a little and for me i just pray and wait. be well bill
  3. Shananegans

    Shananegans New Member

    I live with 3 roommates and have some pretty good friends too. On occassion some get frustrated when I can't hang out but most of the time they are understanding even to the point where they will come keep me company rather than hitting up the bars or something.

    I dated someone for a year and a half and to be honest, it was a blessing when it was over. I'm 26 and am not interested in starting a "family" or anything of the sort, ever. So this makes it difficult for me to date anyways because eventually everyone seems to want marriage and kids and all that fun stuff. I've never been interested in that. Most of the people I have dated, I have met through friends but they do seem to have a hard time with me being sick. I did date someone short term recently and it was great, but for some reason, I'm just not interested in a relationship, so now we are just friends.

    People who can deal with this DD (I have FMS) are out there, but they are hard to find. It is definitely easier to find someone who knows something about this DD then to educate someone once you're involved. I always start out immediately with the "I am sick" talk, usually I can tell right away who will be able to deal with it and who won't. Someday I hope to be interested in dating again, but right now, Single is great for me.

    Good luck and I hope you do find someone to be there for you.

  4. elastigirl

    elastigirl New Member

    I had a rebound relationship shortly after leaving my ex -- but that fizzled out fast. I'm finding too many men are becoming freeloaders, want someone to cook, clean, raise the kids AND pay all the bills. Just not possible.

    I'm very happy to be single. I hardly ever miss dating anymore. All of my experiences with men to date are -- as soon as they get the least bit bored -- they hit the road or kick me to the curb. No sense of committment or honor or family these days.

    But I was just dating BAD men, right? I'm sure that there's good husband material out there somewhere. I've vowed to avoid toxic people and dump BAD men as soon as possible. I want to get to know a man's character before anything serious develops. I've opened my eyes to GOOD men who may not be the handsomest men on earth -- but who certainly do have character and a system of honor.

    One man was interested recently, but I told him all about my illness ~right away~. Must've been a deal breaker because he never called :). I'm glad. Wouldn't want to mislead him -- then find out he was shallow way too late.

    Please don't feel guilty about the way you are. I've learned to accept my illness -- and my new (pudgy, lackluster) appearance -- and my new poverty -- as simple facts. I can't change them right now. Just like envy, shame can kill you. Please don't be ashamed about what you cannot change.

    You are a wonderful human being in your own right. If we are meant to be with someone, that someone will show up in our life. If not, we can take joy in our friends, relatives, hobbies, and small successes.

    I used to think BIG. Now I think small. And I'm much happier for it, in many ways happier than ever before. But I count myself lucky to have a child. Despite the stress, he is my biggest reward in life.

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