Forgive me Painpals....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by pacotaco, Jul 20, 2009.

  1. pacotaco

    pacotaco New Member

    I am sorry that I have left the board. I had much to say, I just couldnt do it.I do not know what is happening to me these months gone, I read posts, an know I have helpful advice,an I have jotted lil somethins two times, but in the long run, I just couldn't do it. I feel like I am cheating you all who could have benefited from my personal experiences. I have become very depressed an i try to get out of it, but it seems to hit me harder when I bring this site up. I seem to feel the realization that I do have a illness that keeps me in a horrible state of exsitance,not life. I feel so sad for all of you also, please believe that, but I seem to feel that although this board is a heaven sent,as I was so jazzed when I first found it,I also feel more unhappy when I read all the posts, and find that evrything,every ailment,every concern of everyones personel dilema, is that of my own! I guess I should be happy that I am not alone, as that is how I DID feel at first, now It just lets me know that I am ill an will not get well. I have other ailments besides fms/cfs. so it leads me to tears,a terrible overwhelming feeling of hopelessness that my life will ever be one that I can enjoy again. Yes, I have hit the hard times when I do not want to wake up any more because the pain an fatigue...and the ugly loneliness is too darn much for my brain to sort out,but after two o/d's by accident because the pain being so severe that nothing I did helped me, I kept taking more pain pills n muscle relaxantsto help, my body couldnt handle that much, but it did scare my husband so he is a lil nicer to the cause but it has not helped me,my pain, or more importantly, my frame of mind..If I did not fear that God would not resurect me ,I definately would take that peaceful journey where there is no more suffering. I know its wrong because of the many cancer ridden humans who want to live, dont have that choice, but as you all know, we suffer a heck of alot.I am not asking for any pity, or advice as i havent been kind enough to be around to give any, I just want all my painpals to know that I do think of you all n pray for all of you and wish you all well and good days...I dont know you all, but the love for my fellow painpalsis here in my safe, n well as u possibly can....Your pal,Barbara, pacotaco
  2. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    Barbara, please don't leave the board. I know exactly how you're feeling about the sadness that you feel when reading of other people's pain, and the suffering that your own pain causes. It's no wonder that we all feel overwhelmed at times. Pain and isolation from activity and people is sometimes too much to bear.

    I have always loved to read your posts because so much love comes through in the words you use. You care deeply about others that are suffering as well as about your family (and your little doggies too.) Just because you're ill does not mean you are not a very, very valuable person.

    Sometimes the medications can cause depression and foggy feelings too. Maybe you can discuss this with your doctor. Please take care of yourself and try to rest for awhile before making decisions about anything. Just giving yourself a break from worry will give you a new perspective. I am praying for you and I know God understands what you're going through and will help you. GB66
    [This Message was Edited on 07/21/2009]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/21/2009]
  3. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    Please don't leave. I have a suggestion, visit the chit chat board often. It will definetly bring your spirits up, especially the "Porch". I go there and it makes me so happy and wanted. The chit chat board is all about everything except this DD that we all have. It has been a lifesaver for me and others.

    Love you too.

  4. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I understand how you're feeling. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I can relate to all the feelings you wrote about. I think you should do what works for you. At times, I don't participate much and then other times I do. Lately, I do every day and I guess that's been going on for a year or so but before that I took a long break from here.

    It's ok if you want to be in Read Only Mode as well. We all understand. If you need to stay away for peace of mind then do so and do it without guilt. We have enough guilt in our lives as it is, this is a forum for Support, not guilt, okay? :)

    You will always be in my heart in spirit, wherever you are so no worries. I send out my prayers and healing thoughts to you. Take care of you. :)

    One of my favorite sayings now is "A No to you is a Yes to me". That's helped me with guilt a lot.

  5. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    I understand everything you said and have felt the same way.

    I was wondering where you were as I enjoyed your posts(and your name!) Please don't fill bad about not posting,we all go thru the reader not poster faze.
    I have taken breaks to because of being overwhelmed by board.

    Please be kind to yourself and know we are thinking of you and hoping you return.

    peace be with you
  6. nink

    nink New Member

    Nearly all of us have had times when we have "hit a wall." I have spent time away from the board - nearly a year was my longest hiatus, I think.

    You are under no obligation to contribute. I usually only read the shorter posts, and the ones with relatively few responses. I just can't process longer ones, even when I know they potentially have useful info. At this point, when I respond, it is often to ask a relatively simple question, and I am grateful for "pre-digested" answers.

    Take what is useful. Visit when you are up to it. Above all, take care of yourself first.
  7. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    I have days or weeks that I read the posts...but can not put enough words together to reply or I just don't feel like it. On those days I don't feel like it, its not because I don't care its just that I don't mentally and/or physically have the strength to answer.

    I feel guilty about that as well is what it is, I can't control that.

    I choose to think that we all go though those periods, that we go what we can when we can.

    I hope you'll check back from time to time, especially on those days you need to know you are not alone~

  8. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I'm sorry that you've been going through such a rough time lately. I and I'm sure everyone else here completely understands everything you've said.

    I sometimes can't even come here to read. It's easier for me mentally just to go on with my life and not have the reminder I guess. It's a little deeper, but hard to put into words.

    Never EVER apologize for not contributing!! You've contributed a lot and your thoughts have been felt by many. What's more important is that you take time for yourself.

    Instead of reading here, maybe spend some time on some inspirational sites or some funny sites - something to lift your mood a bit or give you a minute of laughter.

    Sometimes it's so hard to wake up each day and face it all over again. Despair is felt by many here. Have hope that you'll find some moments of happiness in the littlest things. Sometimes it's those small things that just lead us to the next moment. I absolutely do not look far into the future because I can't. Just can't.

    Whether you're here reading, posting or taking a break - we're thinking of you - you're not alone!