Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by shari1677, Mar 21, 2010.

  1. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    How many of you on this board feel "forgotten" by friends and family.

    Today I was too tired to go anywhwere or do anything - much like every other day. I laid in bed and stared out the window - wondering what life would be like had I not gotten sick.

    Then I get mad because even though I am too ill to go anywhere, having company would help.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/21/2010]
  2. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    Shari, i feel sad that my best friend of 30 some years has blown me off but on the other hand, what good am I as a friend? i can't go anywhere, and I have become kind of reclusive...kind of? very reclusive...i don't want to see anyone or is too exhausting...

    I have come to the point of not caring as long as my family is husband and kids..but the kids will grow up and disappear and frankly, I will be lucky if my husband sticks around much longer....he is sick to death of doing all the work....I guess he forgets that I did it all by myself, for 17 years while he was going to college for his master's degree and another liscense....and working all the time....

    my life has blown up....i have been forgotten but i am too sick to care anymore....i wish i had some positive words today, i am sorry
  3. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I get depressed staying in the house alone all of the time, rarely being able to get out. I have a ton of serious health problems and I'm in a wheelchair. I get depressed because I think nobody wants to take the time to fool with me and this wheelchair.

    However, I don't feel forgotten by friends and family.

    I know all of my friends and family all have full-time jobs and families to take care of when they get home. I just remember when I was in that stage of life and how I did not have time to sit on the phone at night calling people, or even visit people on the weekends because I was running all of my errands, getting my house cleaned, cooking, etc.

    I know now that it takes two - two people to keep a friendship or even communication going. You can't wait until people call you, or visit you. YOU have to call them and visit them, too!

    As far as my fibro, lupus, arthritis, and every thing else, you feel better when you get up and move around. It does you good to get outside and go someplace even if you suffer when you get home.

    It is a major ordeal for me to go anywhere, but after I get out, I feel better, but I am totally wiped out when I get home. But the trip was worth it mentally.

    My 80 yr old mother who is crippled up with arthritis and has major heart problems, keeps reminding me that only a well-oiled machine works -- so, if I don't want to be all stiff and hurt, I have to move around and keep all of my parts "oiled"! She says she has to make herself get out of bed and keep moving during the day or she would be bed-fast, and she lives alone and wants to be able to stay at home, so she keeps moving even though it hurts..

    I think a lot of my friends don't think of me as an invalid, and if a call every now and then is OK, that they haven't forgotten me.

    So, if you do feel forgotten, start calling some of your friends in the evening, visit your family, etc. You make the first effort, then maybe they will return the effort and start calling and visiting you, especially if you invite them!

    My mother also tells me that "you have to BE a friend to HAVE a friend." (She encourages me to get out more all of the time!)

  4. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    that is great advice if it is at all within one's control and if doing something won't cause PEM that will lead to permanent worsening.....however, sometimes it is really possible to be too sick no matter what to make your body work (just like running a car every so often is better for it than leaving it sit, but if it doesn't have gas, it is not going to go no matter how much you may will it to or how good for it it may be in other ways)

    - and on top of that, I know that for me, during the past couple of yrs, every single time I have overdone it (& going out at all anymore is overdoing it), I have not recovered back to my previous level of functioning

    it certainly does do good mentally and usually re pain levels to get up and get out, but it ultimately does not do good if it leads to even worse functioning indefinitely/possibly forever afterward

    as to being a friend in order to have one, I know what you mean, but thinking about that makes me feel worse, bc it is seriously impossible for me to be a good friend in any normal sense of the word these days (& I used to be a wonderful friend)

    .....the friends that I do still have know, though, that just choosing to spend any of my very precious, very limited time with them anymore means that they are very special to me, and they know that, for me, making that choice is my way of being a friend (that said, I have managed to actually get out and do something with friends exactly once in the entire past yr, aside from occasional Bible studies - usually cannot manage those either, though)

    the only other way I can be a friend anymore is online or very rarely on the phone (but often even that is too much)