friends NOT living with FMS, CFS or any other Chronic......

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jlbeck13, Apr 19, 2003.

  1. jlbeck13

    jlbeck13 New Member

    After living the first part of my life as the "life of the party" and "the caretaker" in my family and friends circles........ I am now continually finding that they are all so frustrated by my illness and the way it effects my day to day activities. Which is fine......but sometimes it hurts. Like it did today.....My best friend is convinced that the new gym she just joined is the answer to all "MY" problems. Granted it is a low impact womens gym, and has been wonderful for her, I am very excited and happy for her.
    She insists that it would also be good for me ...... I have been told by Drs and Physical Therapist exercise is good for FMS patients when approached properly!! they advised me to start out in a water arobics class and increase my exercise at a rate that is good for my body does not cause flare ups ect. She nor anyone else offered to help pay for that but she is willing to pay for this new gym she found. I try to explain my reasons and she acusses me of getting up on my soap box having a pity party for myself!! this is very stressful and hurtful.......any sujestions I ahve sent her a ton of info don't even know if she has read it .....
    thatnks for the outlet...... Happy Easter EV1!!!!
  2. Megster

    Megster New Member

    I had typed quite a lot in answer to your post, explaining my own situation, and then my daughter let the dog in, who bumped my hand and somehow erased everything! GRRRRRRRRRR!!

    Anyway, I don't have the energy to write it all again, but the long and short of it is, I know what you mean. I'm having a lot of trouble with a friend of mine right now, and have come to the conclusion that anyone who feels that I am malingering or being a hypochondriac can just go to
    H@#$!! I have delt with this all my life, and I'm just not willing to do it any longer! I don't have the energy. That I need to save for my husband and my daughter (who are wonderfully supportive), and for getting myself better. What I have is real, and it is as debhilitating as I say it is. Anyone who can't accept that has no place in my life! And I intend to tell this "friend" just that, as well as everyone else in my life!

    ::Big sigh:: I may end up being even more lonely this way, but at least I won't have what little energy I have sucked out by people who refuse to believe me.

    I don't know if this helps, but it sure gave me a place to vent!! I guess, having come to this conclusion myself, I would tell your friend that you appreciate the offer, but you know what is best for your body and this isn't it. Period. If she insists on arguing, tell her to please leave. But that's me, and the mood I'm in right now. I hope you find a solution that fits you, and thanks for giving ME a format to VENT!! :)
  3. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    My sister is a sports therapist for her college football team. And she is as fit as a fiddle. She is always asking me when I am going to start exercising. I do do a litlle yoga and stretching. But that's not good enough for her. It hurts like hell!! My other friends call me once every two weeks to ask me to go out for drinks or dinner. They cannot seem to figure out that I cannot go out like I used to anymore!! I haven't had a drink in 6 months!! It sure can be frustating when people cannot listen, isn;t it?

  4. anniegetyourgun

    anniegetyourgun New Member


    Your post struck a real chord with me! I continue to be shocked by the remarks and "advice" of some of my friends. Even those who seemed to understand my plight (CFS/FM) or who have at least appeared to TRY to understand can be so heartless at times...

    I've learned that rather than saying "no" and explaining why I don't think I can handle a day of shopping (for example), it's much easier to say that I have "other plans". So far there are fewer rebuttals to my white lie than there are to the honest-to-God truth. My "other plans" might be nothing more than staying home and resting, but that's my business and no one else's.
    I'm getting better at not feeling guilty or obligated to explain myself. After nearly three years of dealing with this situation, I realized that explaining myself was a major energy drain which left me feeling depressed and upset.

    Good luck in your quest to educate your friend...I've given all of my close friends this website. When I start to get a lecture or when someone gets upset with me for being inattentive to a long, drawn-out story, or in any number of situations in which I could easily be put on the defensive, I pause, then ask them if they've ever taken the time to peruse this site. After the stop, I politely tell them I would be happy to finish our conversation when they have educated themselves and know what they are talking about. So far, it's shut up even my most controlling friend, and she hasn't had the oppportunity to bring up any more of my related defects because I've chosen to put some distance between us. She had become too much of an energy drain on me and I needed a break from her.

    [This Message was Edited on 04/20/2003]
  5. ckball

    ckball New Member

    i have the same freinds. One of them actually told me if i would go to church it would help. Don't get me wrong, I am a believer and believe I can do so in my own home. He is in our hearts and sprits. Anyway, I nearly blew a gasket, I said if god can cure me why did he give it to me in the first place? Luckily, I have a friend that has Reflex Symptomatic Disorder, which has a lot in common with FM with relation to pain, fatigue, etc. Every morning when I get up I call her and talk while having tea. We truly understand each other and cry, complain, bitch and burst with pride when we overcome a circumstance. Having someone who understands you with this DD is a godsend. May you all find the freind I have, everyone deserves one.
  6. layinglow

    layinglow New Member

    I think your best bet on this one would simply be "I cannot join the gym, my physical therapist, has told me that I should begin with water aerobics, and that anything else, would not be good for me, now".

    One discovers quickly with these disorders which friends are true friends, possessing the qualities and characters friends should possess. Actually it is far better to have a few, dependable, compassionate, and longsuffering friends who can endure, and accept us as we are, than have a hoard of "fair weather friends", who really would rather head for cover, during storms. We really don't need the stress that some provoke in our lives.

    Best wishes,
    [This Message was Edited on 04/20/2003]
  7. nct

    nct New Member

    I haven't really run into it yet though.
    My best friend here has RA herself, and understands when I'm just not up to it.
    My bf is also wonderful and understanding.

    What is interesting, is on Wednesday, I'm meeting 2 former co-workers for happy hour. We've all got different jobs now, so getting together has been tough. They have both had to cancel or postpone dates, due to their busy lives.
    On the other hand, I have been looking forward to getting together, as I don't do much during the week except work, doctors appts, and home. So when it got cancelled again last Thursday, I blew up a bit. The other 2 apologized, said they were so busy with their jobs, one id doing his dissertation, the other has a hurt hubby and a second business, etc., that they were having trouble organizing their lives.
    I apologized as well, telling them finally my diagnosis, CFIDS, and that I was the opposite, and had been looking forward to getting together all week. I do so few things outside work that they become very important to me.
    Although doing so few things probably allows me to indulge on the weekends, when I see my bf.
    I'll admit, I'm a bit concerned for when I start graduate school this summer. Its something I've always wanted to do, but hope I can do it.

    Hang in there everyone!
  8. healthywannabe

    healthywannabe New Member

    I have been bedridden for three months and at the beginning my friends gave alot of suppoert but now no more phone calls and i think they think that im faking or something, wich i am definitly not!! I also used to be the life of the party. its hard to go form ms. energy to the girl laying down all the time. so i know how you feel and will be praying for you. peace...ZOe