Funeral for Friend

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by dzlady, Jun 19, 2011.

  1. dzlady

    dzlady New Member

    Today was the funeral for a friend of mine that was murdered on June 1. She (22 yrs old) went fishing at a conservation and was murdered by being beaten beyond recognition and DNA was used to confirm it was her. She was a co-worker when I worked at a convenient store in a fairly small city and we became friends. She was a very sweet girl.

    My neighbor is the assistant manager there and while speaking to her yesterday about the funeral, she said she was certain it was going to be packed, because there was so many people that knew her and the family. I wanted to go so badly, but knowing how I am and how I can get in a crowd, I didn't go. I felt bad, but I am sure I wasnt missed. She knows I wanted to be there and I think about her so very often.

    How do you get around things like this? I cant keep avoiding things, just because I cant deal with them, can I?
  2. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member


    So sorry to hear about your friend, what a horrible way to go and so young! It sounds like you're feeling guilty about not being able to go to the funeral. Try to remember that she knew you and probably knew your adversion to crowds etc. She would totally understand and know that although you could not be there that your heart and soul was there and will continue to be........I'm sure that you do think of her often and will always remember her just as she was and still do. Now that she is with God and all of the wonderful ppl. in her life that passed, they are there for her and maybe that will bring you some comfort!

    It is very hard to go anywhere when you are depressed and esp. when you have fear of crowds and going out, it can be paralyzing at times,right? Please do not feel bad or guilty because I am sure she would not want you to feel that way. She would want you to be happy that you had a chance to get to know her for the times you had together and were her friend and cared about her.....that never changes. I believe that the ppl. we lose are always with us, just close your eyes and remember her and know that her beautiful spirit is still with you! I lost my dear grandma last year but always feel her near me esp. in my little corner I have reserved for her in my computer room. I have a picture of her, an angel that I gave her and I take time to "talk" to her whenever I am missing her!

    I know you say you can't keep avoiding things in your life but if you take "baby steps" it can happen one little bit at a time. If this is what you truly desire then it will happen. Sometimes we have to remember to stop feeling guilty and just feel blessesd for the little things that make us happy. Appreciate your family and friends for they are always going to be there for you. Do you ever go to counseling? If you don't maybe you could try it. I don't know what I would do without my psychiatrist esp. at times like what you are dealing with. If not, maybe a trusted family member or friend can help you through your grief but it does take time.

    I felt compelled to write to you because I knew how much you were suffering and have also been through it. I know how very hard it is to get out and do ANYTHING sometimes but don't beat yourself up about it. You have real DD's that keep you from doing these things and one day you will be able to do more. I always try to visualize what it would be like to be "normal" and disease free and just try to be thanksful for the little things that I still can do. When I am feeling especially down I meditate, pray, read an inpirational book or just go sit outside and enjoy nature and it's beauty. I hope that I helped some and that you are feeling better and better each day and know that your dear friend is in a wonderful place surrounded by love, nurturing and caring and is happy.

    Faith, Peace and Healing to you, Julie
  3. dzlady

    dzlady New Member

    Thank you so much Julie. Your words are a great comfort to me. Yes, she knew of my complications and situation. I do feel guilty, but I am sure she would understand. It just makes me sick to think that someone did this to her. I find myself having nightmare daydreams about what she had to have went thru. And what I was doing while she was being beaten and taken to heaven. Did she beg for her life until at one moment she just prayed the Lord to take her? She was such a sweet girl (I am old enough to have been her mother). She always had a smile on her face and a kind word for everyone. AND...they have no suspects. Her killer is still out there, walking the streets. I am now with tears and must finish up. Thank You everyone for your kind words.

  4. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Teresa!

    Sorry it took me so long to reply back, busy day. I'm glad that my words could be of some comfort to you. Like I said your friend did know you and understand your situation. Not only do you have trouble with depression but you have fear of going out, that's big! Many people go through the same thing and are not able to go to funerals and they don't even have DD's like yours!I'm sure that you are having nightmares and many thoughts of what your friend went through and that is normal. These feelings you are experiencing are very typical, imagine what her family must be going through! OMG, losing a child is devistating and even for the friends can be very traumatic.

    It's normal to have these thoughts and worries esp. since she was your friend. It will take time for you to come to terms with all of this and also to grieve. Try to remember her as she was and all of the good times you had together. Know that she is not suffering and is in the hands of a kind and loving God. I'm sure they will find the person who did this to her and he will be punished accordingly. Remembering how sweet she was and that she always had a smile on her face and a kind word for everyone is a good way to temember her. Maybe that is what she was put on this earth to do. Those that loved her as you did can try to take a lesson from her and do the same. To me, that is a beautiful way to memorilize her life.

    Tears are good for the soul so cry your heart out! It is a good way to grieve by letting your feelings out. I'm sure that you will feel better about this in time...........reach out to your family and friends to give you support in this time of need. I hope that you will continue to vent on this post for it is a good way to heal.

    I will pray for you and all of her loved ones,
    Faith, Peace and Healing, Julie