funeral preplanning?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Didoe, May 20, 2010.

  1. Didoe

    Didoe New Member

    Hi all
    I didnt know where to place this thread, so please forgive the difficult subject.
    Thinking of preplanning(not prepaying) burial arrangements, making a living will (to include power of decision making).

    Has anyone done this and have suggestions on so-called 'final expenses' insurance plans. I saw one TV ad offering but pretty sure fine print on screen said not available in NY, among some other states.

    My ex's parents are buried together, both mine were cremated which is not religiously acceptable for my immediate family, my ex has never mentioned what his plans are and its an expense my children wont be able to deal with.

    I'm doing online research but if you have personal expereince to make real world suggestions, as opposed to posting websites or articles, please jump in.

    Alot is going to be changing in terms of hospice etc because Medicaid is already notifying recipients their homecare aids hours are being cut in half...so whatever we know to be the current situation will be evolving in the next few years...I'm trying to think ahead:)
  2. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    I dont have a clue but ill be following this thread closely. Its unpleasant to think about but really necessary. I found myself in a pickle when my husband died suddenly. We were separated and had no contact for 3 yrs and it was my responsibility since we were still legally married. Im curious to see what you find out.
  3. Didoe

    Didoe New Member

    is mentioned 2x, have no idea what it is, but will research it. thank you guys for the info.
    ashes to ashes, dust to dust...my father supposedly asked for creation and I say that very cautiously because I dont believe he did.

    my mother wanted it, didnt live anyway to pay 3K to do it just a collection of colonial penn applications never mailed back and i fought w/ only sister against cremation. They mail you the ashes, keep that in mind, and if you dont want them, they just get dumped. BTW, you can request and pay for either separate cremation or group-yes, I said individual or group (cheaper).
    My vet asked me the same question when my cat was cremated. Its all a racket and and, pay attention to the news, about a month ago raids were made on funeral/crematory directors who were selling cadaver parts. So we can ponder & plan and request, you have to use a really reputable place and have someone you trust to follow thru.

    anyway..tmi, as usual.
  4. Didoe

    Didoe New Member

    okay jamin...here's a ghost story you can believe or not.

    my father was cremated, and I had fought, begged someone to intervene for burial. My mother kept his ashes for about a decade, w me asking just about annually if I could arrange burial. he kept coming to me in dreams, trying to hold me against him, reaching his arms out to pull me to him, one night I felt I was suffocating in my dream. When I finally convinced her to give him up and I took him to be buried (friends bought a plot, the ashes had to be removed from metal container and put into the ground in a cardboard box)-I never had a dream about him again.

    My mother's cremation, tho I argued against it, was a stone off my heart. For the year following her death, lady bugs kept appearing in my apartment. I still had alot of trees in the backyard 5 yrs ago, but after that year I havent seen a single one. I cant explain the sudden appearance of lady bugs, however my mother's favorite signature design were lady bugs...she felt they brought her luck.

    There is a company I found a few years back before I was taking this too seriously that offered burial without coffin of any kind, but still within burial guidelines (I think a shroud was required)non secular and it was in a huge park of unused land. You buy a plot for $500, I think its up to 750.00 now and when internment became necessary bodies are placed in the next consecutive plot, a flat simple grave marker is permitted and the cost is for the dig and placement, way under 1k.

    If anyone is interested (I'm not on commission) I'll dig up the info.
  5. stick2013

    stick2013 Member

    Since I was very young, I have always opted for Cremation. Just the thoughts of being buried in the ground till my body rotted, plus the waste of land just makes me want to be Cremated.....

    I am only in my mid 50's but I still have thoughts of prearranging everything now. Possibly even paying ahead. I want NOTHING, no wake, no service, no flowers, nothing. Just burn me and as far as I am concerned they can flush my ashes down the nearest toilet. My daughter will have her say with that last option, but as long as I am cremated, I don't care what they do with the ashes later.

    A friend of mine died 1 1/2 years ago, his family lives in Maine, and when he was cremated, I asked for a portion of his ashes. Sometimes I think of all the crap that he put me through, and I pick up the vase I have his remains in, and I yell at him.....LOL!!!!!!I (l like to think I have the head part, but with my luck, I probably got the *other end*) For ONCE in my life, he can't argue back. I get so satisfied from this little exercise.........Especially because for over 20 years, he always had the last word, unless I hung up on him...LOL!!!!! It's payback time David!!!!!
  6. Didoe

    Didoe New Member

    keeping a portion of ashes to torment someone dead?
    that's worse than my dreams about my father trying to suffocate me...

    my mother used to shudder at the thought of 'being eaten by worms' oh me oh my oh
    (how vain can you get??? like you're gonna lay there and watch?)


    the dead belong w the dead.
  7. stick2013

    stick2013 Member

    the relationship that David & I had. We actually lived together for 7 years, before he drove me to get my own place. But we maintained our friendship for over 15 yrs after that. Except for the last 2 years of his life, I had to walk away, because he became so mean, and unhappy..... If he could argue with a person, he was in 7th heaven. I know he probably is wherever yelling back at me, and he's more pissed off cause I can't hear him.....

    We had a good friendship/relationship for years, and I know he would be ok with this.....as I would be ok, if the shoe was on the other foot. I don't mind having his ashes, but when I found him dead, well that did me in for awhile. Triggered the hell out of me, and the PTSD nightmare has returned with a vengeance......Dead people are a huge trigger for me, but having his ashes is kind of comforting. Yes, I do yell at them/him sometimes, and then tell him I miss him.....Weird, I know...
  8. Didoe

    Didoe New Member

    No I didnt think weird, its clearly done out of love of all kinds between u both. People just have different concepts of what to do once the soul leaves flesh...to each his own. Not weird at all.
    If not done already, you might want to make provisions for what's to be done with D once you'e no longer around to argue with him...or anyone else:)
  9. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    Are you still around? It doesn't look like you've been on for a while. I had to step away for a bit (3 yrs?) but I have been thinking of some of your conversations and wondered how you are. Are you still in the southeast part of the country with your kids? Are you still in retirement or did you have to find something to keep from going crazy? And lastly how is Boo and Boo 2?

    I hope you are doing well.

    What happened to the depression room?? I wasn't sure where I'd find your postings.

    budmickl
  10. jaminhealth

    jaminhealth Well-Known Member

    in some time, hope she's doing OK in PA....

    Reading some of these postings, I do have all my plans done, probably got that all done at 65, and it's ashes all the way....no wasted money on caskets, stones and ground space for this gal. I'm too practical. I have seen too much of that in my life....such a waste of money spent on all this....

    I am with Armstrong Family Mortuary in LA here and one becomes a member and you get a card to carry and when it's time someone whoever that is, calls up and they do the rest....and money isn't paid until the end...no upfront money like Neptune..

    My wish is to go to the sea, I spent lots of wonderful hours on that beach and loved the sea...so why not end up with it.
  11. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    My Mom always wanted to have her body donated for research and education after death and she signed all the papers many years ago and I witnessed them. When she died, I was informed that her next of kin, myself and my brother, needed to give approval for that and the State dictated that we had the ultimate say as to what was done with her body even though she had signed papers and indicated her wishes. Her body was donated to research and education as she wanted.

    I received a letter last week of thanks for her donation and her contribution to research and educational programs and stating some very good things were done. I was glad to get the letter.

    She was in an auto accident years back and had trauma to the face that was never attended to by a plastic surgeon and thus her face remained without proper repair. Part of the research done on her body was continuing education of practicing surgeons on cranial-facial trauma repair--and Mom's face was a perfect candidate for this.

    Reading everything that was done, made me realize that Mom made things difficult during her lifetime, but after she died, she did something very worthwhile and good and that counts.



  12. springwater

    springwater Member

    Good to hear from you. Was wondering because depression room is no longer
    there and wondered about your health issues. The hip and all that.

    In my religion we get cremated no questions asked. i prefer it too. Environmentally
    and all and space wise.

    The ashes are placed in running water.

    God Bless