Funny CFS/FMS Definitions

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by missvickielynn, Mar 8, 2003.

  1. missvickielynn

    missvickielynn New Member

    Hope you all can get a giggle out of these funny definitions! I know you will all relate! I stole these...I hope I don't get killed for my crime!

    Decision Crisis n. The way you feel when someone asks if you want chicken or fish for dinner and it's like the fate of the free world hangs on your answer. Your brain frantically hops back and forth, chicken-fish, chicken-fish, chicken-fish, until finally you break and scream, "I DON'T KNOW!!!" Example: In response to your mom's question about dinner, you calmly and rationally say, "I am having a decision crisis now, please proceed without me."

    Dining a’la Floor, phrase. One "Dines a’la Floor" when one is simply too tired and dizzy to sit upright at the table, but still wishes to enjoy a meal in the company of others. One simply takes one’s plate, fills it up and slithers ever so elegantly to the floor to consume the feast. Example: While stepping over two or three flatbacking (see "Flatbacking") feeders, one might remark, "Oh, I see you have decided to Dine a’la Floor this evening. How lovely, carry on..."

    Defensive Eating, n. Defensive Eating occurs when you load up on extra healthy food before a planned activity. Example: Before class my family observes me gorging on turkey, V8, peanuts and salad. Through a full mouth I can then say "What are you looking at? I’m practicing Defensive Eating!"

    The Duh List, noun. The Duh List originated when a fellow PWC friend was visiting this summer. We surmised that there are certain stupid things that happen that make us feel ill, which we don’t even realize because they are so stupid. Elements of the Duh List include: Do I need food? Water? Should I be asleep now? If you run through the Duh List sooner or later you hit something that makes you go, "Duh! That’s why I feel so crummy!" Example: I was tapered off a medication and told that if headaches and dizziness occurred I should probably go back on. A month later, while having constant and seemingly inexplicable headaches and dizziness, the Duh Factor kicked in and I realized that medication reaction was on my Duh List. (Note: In case I haven’t said "Duh" enough in this column, thus filling up my Duh Quota, it should be duly noted that the words "Doi" and "Doh" can be used as Duh replacements in a pinch.)

    EQ abbr., n. Energy Quotients: the units persons with CFIDS (PWCs) use to measure the amount of energy in their bodies at any given time. EQs can be eaten up quickly by activity, stored for future use by flatbacking (see "Flatbacking), or bottom out suddenly, leaving you in a state I call "Unplugged" (totally disconnected from any energy source). Example: "I stored up a week's worth of EQs just to walk through this store, and now I can feel them dripping out of my body one by one."

    Familial Interpretation, n, phrase. The ability of the family to understand its PWC’s vigorous gestures and inventive speaking as he/she struggles to communicate during moments of brainfog or skipping.

    Flatback v. After the expenditure of energy, this is the state of total flat-on-your-back rest you must have. Example: "Oh, I'll be just fine if I flatback for a couple of hours."

    Frompy, adj, The state of feeling so grouchy, frumpy and irritable that you simply must stomp about the house muttering to yourself in order to remain sane. Example: After a long day of being poked and prodded at the doctor’s office, you return home to the sound of your neighbor’s remodeling and also discover that someone has eaten your cookies and moved around the organized piles of junk in your room. Upon being asked what is wrong you throw yourself on the floor, kick your hands and feet into a frenzy and wail, "I feel frommm-peeeee!!!!!!!"

    How Aren’t You? phrase. This is the question we wish people would ask us instead of "How are you?" since responding to that means saying "Not great" or "Still sick." If instead we were asked "How aren’t you?" then we could say, "Great!" "Cool!" and "Most Fabulous!"

    Imallergic, n. Sometimes no matter what you say people don’t understand that you should not eat even a bite of their birthday cake/rolls/cookies. Saying, "I’m on a diet," garners gasps of dismay and explaining your entire CFIDS care plan can get tedious. This is when you should employ the Imallergic Excuse, by smiling and chirping, "No thank you, I’m allergic."

    Incognito n. A cognitive day that is not so neato. When your brain is incognito you may find yourself saying things like, "Gee, that bright is really light," or get stumped spelling your own name. Example: While throwing your socks in the toilet and trying to flush the clothes hamper, you smack yourself on the head and say, "Man, am I incognito today!"

    Inventive Speaking, n, phrase. When two or more words are meshed together forming a word incomprehensible except to the PWC’s family members. Example: "Could I please have my blippers?" Translation: "Could I please have my blue slippers?"

    Myalgebra, n, Myalgia (aches and pains) induced by math overload. Example: While staring at the numbers, plus and minus signs and various other intricacies of algebra, your brain slowly begins to send sizzling signals of pain and suffering throughout your body until you cannot add two and two together without getting five. At this point you are technically allowed to quit by stating "myalgebra is really acting up on me."

    Pill Sin, n. Flagrantly disobeying your medications. For example, by staying up until 5 a.m. after taking melatonin and several other sleep-inducing drugs, you commit pill sin.

    PWOC abbr., n. (Pee'-wok, like those fluffy little Star Wars guys) Person WithOut CFIDS: Those disgustingly healthy people who have never experienced even a stuffy nose yet feel qualified to comment on our state of health. Example: "That teacher who told me 'just push yourself and you'll feel better' is such a classic PWOC." Note: this term can also be used in a derogatory way when muttered under the breath or yelled loudly. Nobody outside the CFIDS community will get it. Example: You are going through the mall in your wheelchair and notice some uggo people staring rudely. Either mutter or yell, "What are you looking at, you freakin' PWOCs???"

    Skipping, n. When a person with CFIDS gets stuck on one word or phrase, much like a skipping record repeats a word or a measure of music over and over. Skipping allows the person with CFIDS (PWC) to pause without an embarrassing silence, simply repeating the last word or phrase over and over, while the brain rests and develops the rest of the thought he/she is trying to express. Example: Rebecca preparing for a trip: "But when, when, when we, when we, when we get to, when…" (Obviously the word "airport" was eluding her.) Usage: "Rebecca, you’re skipping again!"

    Sniggly, adj. Once you’ve violated your diet and cheated with, oh, say, pizza and ice cream, sniggly is the funny, happy, twirly way you feel just before you crash. Your personality shifts into high gear and you find yourself singing Broadway showtunes to anyone who will listen. The world is one big giggle, and you giggle enough to snort, which makes you giggle even more. Hence sniggly, a word you may repeat many times just for the fun of it.

    Thing, noun. (From me, Heather, again) "Thing" is the universal word I use when I suddenly cannot find the word for the, well, thing I am wanting. Example: At the lake I cry, "Oh, look! Look at the, the...THING!!!" "The groundhog?" "Yes! Groundhog! Exactly what I said."

    Typoese, n, (from Sandy) The language spoken by uncoordinated hands and brains in E-mail messages. Example: "I signed my E-mail as ‘Snady B.’ rather than ‘Sandy B.’ I must have been speaking typoese again!"

    Vuja de n. The feeling that you have never done any of this before (opposite of deja vu) - used when trying to remember how to do the simplest things during brain fog.

    Yoda Speak n. This is the phenomenon that occurs when you are tired and speak strangely, kind of like Yoda from Star Wars. Example 1: "Chelsea, I'm sure what you are saying is very wise, if only I knew what you were talking about!" Example 2 (from Heather): I wanted to say, "Mom, could you please put up the barrier so the dog can't get into my pink room?" What came out was, "pink dog room stopper." Dad has further elaborated to tell me at times, "Heather, you're speaking Yodish."

    Well, I have committed another Pill Sin, I .5mg of Klonopin knocked me out so bad on Friday night, that I slept most of the day today. Then, the .5mg I took at Midnight Saturday had no effect, due to the all-day sleep-a-thon, so here I am at 6:30 a.m. Sunday, guilty of Pill Sin. Very hard thing to turn around!

    Guess I better go do some Flatbacking before I come unplugged and start skipping and speaking Yodish!

  2. nancyw

    nancyw New Member

    OK, I've been up since about 4:30 AM after a lovely 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I was so excited of getting 4 hours of sleep that I couldn't go back to sleep. I finally got out of bed at 6:00 AM thinking "this is the day I'll be able to get some stuff done!!!". That lasted about an hour at the computer doing my "job search" when I noticed my "energy flash" has disappeared and now I'm just shaky and "brain-fogged". Loved the "inventive speaking" in your memo. I'm am really polishing that skill up lately; even the 5 and 2 year old grandkids are looking at me funny now. Of course my adult family and friends play the "Thing" all the time. It's kind of like playing charades, but this uses a lot of my mental energy. Of course, who couldn't love "Incognito"? Finally figured out why my hair was so yuck the other day after shower. Oh yea, could it be because I conditioned twice, but forgot the shampooing part????!!!!! Thanks for making me laugh this AM.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/09/2003]
  3. danisue22

    danisue22 New Member

    I laughed my head off .I know I lost it a long time ago. Everyone thinks I'm nuts already so why not laugh,Thanks alot for sharing Danisue
  4. bejo

    bejo New Member

    Those are great!I needed a good laugh.LOLOL The fog does get thick at times,doesn't it? Do you mean that I'm not the only one who can't make a decision?I thought not being able to decide whether to put socks on not was a personal problem,not fibro!I've heard people talk about major decisions,but every decision is major for me. LOL
    bejo[This Message was Edited on 03/09/2003]