Funny post from the past

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by rockgor, Feb 6, 2011.

  1. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Above is the URL for a post from 5 years ago. All jokes.

    I think Victoria and I are the only posters still here.

    Maybe somebody wants to start a new joke post?

  2. elliespad

    elliespad Member

    I wasn't in that thread, but funny, I DO remember reading them. Some funny stuff there.

    My best friend is a Church Secretary, so, sadly, everybody in the world sends her their Church jokes and sadly, she sends them on to me. Here are a few worth moaning over.

    Church Fart

    This says it all about getting older & the whole aging thing.

    An elderly couple are attending church services.. About halfway through, she writes a note and hands it to her husband. It says, "I just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
    He scribbles back,

    "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."


    The Light

    POOF and the light goes off

    A 75-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, 'Ray, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?'

    Ray replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it for when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, *poof*!, the light goes on. When I'm done, *poof*!, the light goes off.'

    'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.

    A little later in the day, the doctor calls Ray's wife. ' Gail ,' he says, 'Ray is doing fine but I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and *poof *!, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, *poof*! the light goes off?'

    'OH MY!' Gail exclaims. 'He's peeing in the fridge again!!!!'


    No Sunday Paper:

    This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who know seniors, and to all of you who will become seniors.

    "WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"
    The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.

    "Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
    There was quite and long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter,
    "Well, shit, that explains why no one was at church today."

  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    lots more.

    OK here's mine for tonight, then off to dream land:

    “I’m a magician,” the man told the doctor.

    “That’s interesting. What’s your best trick?”

    “I saw a woman in half”

    “Is it difficult?”

    “It’s child’s play. In fact, I learned it as a child.”

    “Are there any more children at home?”

    “Yes, I have several half-sisters...”

    owwwwwwwwww! I know, that was painful!
  4. victoria

    victoria New Member

    The patient eagerly waited to hear what her doctor said on her follow-up consultation.

    "I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking."

    "In that case," replied his patient, "I'll come back when you are sober."

  5. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Here are a couple Ole and Lena jokes for those interested in our cultural

    Lena came home from church and told Ole: Yu shoulda gone ta
    church dis mornin', Ole. Pastor Inqvist said dat vhiskey yu drink is
    a slow killer.

    "Dat's OK," said Ole. "I'm in no hurry."

    Ole vas a little puffed up because his dairy farm vas doin' so vell.
    Lena stitched a sampler for him ta hang in da barn.

    "All dat I yam, I owe ta udders."

    Ha det bra

    PS: If you want to know the derivation of the word "pew", go here:
  6. JimB51

    JimB51 Member

    So many funny jokes there. ... and on THIS post too.
    I looked up some of my old posts while I was at it. under my old username
    I see a few of your repies to them. Just before I left the board for 3 years.
    It was weird hearing myself laugh at things that I was reading
    .... then realizing I was that I'm the one that had written it. : /

  7. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    talkin' ta yourself, huh, Jim?

    What was your old username? Rumpelstitlskin?

  8. spacee

    spacee Member

    laughed so hard, had to hold my stomach.
    Will read the others tomorrow.

    Oh, they were funny.

  9. JimB51

    JimB51 Member

    that's the one good thing about brain fog ...

    You can save your funny thoughts and jokes on your computer ...
    and always go back and discover "new" jokes