funny stories:)

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Debra49659, Jun 30, 2009.

  1. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    I thought I'd share these funny stories....have fun;)

    "A mother was taking a shower when her2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so she ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that she had copies made and included one with each of their Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting that she take a closer look. Puzzled, the mother stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to her son, she had captured her reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!"

    "A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, ‘PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for ‘THUMBTACKS.’ In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: ‘DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?’

    Fact One: There was a 19th century Native American tribal chief who went under the name, "Not Able to Fornicate."

    Fact Ten: When Coca-Cola first started to be sold in China, the company used characters that would sound just like "Coca-Cola" when spoken. Unfortunately, what they turned out to mean was "Bite the wax tadpole". Not surprisingly, Coca-Cola did not sell well.

    * Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
    * Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
    * Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
    * Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

    One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

    Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

    Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

    'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

    'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

    'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'.

    'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

    'For reading a book,' she replies,

    'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again,

    'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading'

    'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

    'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.

    'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

    'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

    'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

    A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for Easter dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family, and she is very nervous.

    They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole.

    The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve hersel a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!"

    The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrriiip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit, Skippy!"

    Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!"

  2. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Thanks for the great morning lolol!,,,,S
  3. Sacajawea2

    Sacajawea2 Member

    Lol, that last one especially had me howling...oh boy!