Gaining Acceptence From Family

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by RW54, Aug 26, 2006.

  1. RW54

    RW54 New Member

    I've been doing some research about how I feel and why. I was told some time ago that I had osteoartheritis in my knees. I also had quadruple bypass surgery and since then seemed to have went down hill. I have been studying information about osteoartheritis, come upon information about Chronic Pain and then, there it was, Fibromyalgia. I've been looking at everything I can find on the condition and I have to say, the symtoms are what I've been going through. Every bit. My problem is my wife, she thinks I'm crying wolf all the time and every pain and problem is an excuse to not work. Not true, I want to do the things I have always done, building things, working on engines, but my strength is not there. My fingers and hands hurt and I can't hang on to things. My elbows and shoulders ache and get stiff al over. At night I really pay for any activities I've done. When I mention my problems, I get put down and told there is nothing wrong with me. Now that I've discovered this info and that I could very well have this thing, I know what she'll tell me. Another problem is to find a doctor that can tell me if indeed I have the condition. Our doctor is a GP and I'm not sure if he has any knowledge of fibromyalgia.

    I know I'm not the Lone Ranger with my wife not accepting my probem and if there are any great suggestions out there, I'm all ears. Thanks a bunch.
  2. toughone

    toughone New Member

    The main thing is to take care of yourself! The more you overdo, the worse you are gonna feel. I'm one to talk--I push my limits every day just so my husband doesn't think I'm being lazy. I push too, because I have to prove to myself that I can still take care of everything that needs to be done. But my point is--you're not doing yourself any favors healthwise by pushing. You just end up miserable with pain. Do what you can and take rest breaks often.

    Your GP should know enough about Fibro to at least check the tender points. If not, ask that you be referred to a Rheumatologist. Meds help take the edge off for me, but they might help you a lot. Won't know until you check it out...

    Take care of yourself--don't push too hard...

  3. RW54

    RW54 New Member

    Thank you for the reply. I just know that it's gona be tough to get my wife to understand especially if I loose my job. Where I work exact detail is very important and I've not been doing well. It makes sence now why I have all the goof ups. It's been frustrating and I couldn't figure out why I would transpose numbers, enter wrong names and get my butt chewed for binning parts wrong.
    I don't know.
  4. toughone

    toughone New Member

    Have you gotten some info regarding Fibro and tried to get your wife to read it? Also, when you find a doctor and do get the Fibro diagnosis, maybe take your wife with you so the doctor can explain it to her. Be prepared: There are a lot of non-believers out there who believe if you can't prove it with a blood test, it must not exist. These are the people that I wish could experience Fibro just for one day. I think they would change their minds and have a lot of respect for those of us who suffer with it day after painful day.

    Stay with this message board, Ron. I have found some very lovely people here. They know how you are feeling and they CARE! Maybe we can all help you get through this together.

    Have a wonderful day and know there are people who care...

  5. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member


    I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. As hard as it is for a woman with this disease (I have both FMS and CFIDS), I would imagine that it is sometimes even harder for a man. It is a challenge to have an "invisible disease" that cannot be seen on your person or on any lab test.

    I would advise you to see a doctor who is knowledgeable about these diseases (or syndromes, as they are usually referred to). Get as much knowledge as you can on your own and do some research on Social Security Disability. I'm not encouraging you to choose the path of SSD, however, a lot of us do end up not being able to work.

    I am going to start a separate thread for the men on this board to look at your post. I think it would be helpful for you to hear from some of the guys.

    Good luck, Ron. If you have FMS, it is real, no matter what anyone else may tell you.

    [This Message was Edited on 08/27/2006]
  6. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Hi, Ron. Frustrating, huh? You've received good advice about your suspicions about FM already. Find a rheumatologist who will give your symptoms a closer look.

    As for your wife's attitude, it seems that relationships aren't made in a day so maybe there are ways you could be more understanding of her too. We all need empathy and compassion. This is not man-bashing, believe me. Many wives have the same frustration and I lost a relationship due to my illness. But keeping the lines of communication open is the first step to being able to work through any problem.

    Good luck.

  7. tlayne

    tlayne Member

    It really is hard to see more and more people getting this dd. I wouldn't wish this one my worse enemy. Well, maybe one! LOL! just kidding!

    The founder of Prohealth, Rich is also a male. And there are more here. They are all wonderful, and I know that they will also reach out to you! You are not alone anymore. In time you will find comfort in this, eventho it seems ironic.

    You have gotten good advice already. I have a few other things I would suggest; Once you have a diagnosis check into Vocational Rehabilitation. They can help you train, or get schooling for a less physical job. Also, I have seen where spouses have come here to get insight and support. Maybe this would help your wife to understand. There is also a worship board where you can come for prayer requests and pray for others.

    Good luck, and I am sorry. Hugs, Tam
    [This Message was Edited on 08/27/2006]
  8. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    bumping for more support
  9. toughone

    toughone New Member

    Bump for Ron!
  10. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member said something in your post I have not ever thought of, exactly. You said with this FM there is no winning...I think that is what I have been waiting for and thinking all these years...If I am just good enough and try hard enough, eventually I will win and not have it anymore. I don't know know if I should thank you or be upset you said that! It is something I really do need to understand and really accept. Maybe I will be a lot easier on myself if I thank you!

    RW54...Good luck on your journey with this DD. Don't be hard on yourself..I think I have been my worst adversary....Jana
  11. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you've come down w/ the DD. (That's message board speak for damned disease.)

    Also sorry to hear your spouse is not supportive. Maybe she would like to visit this board and do some reading for a few days. Maybe it would change her opinion.

    Maybe not. People tend to believe what they want to believe. Maybe she desperately needs to believe you are going to get well and go back to work despite the bypass surgery.

    You said you were not the Lone Ranger. Guesss what?! Neither was he. He traveled w/ Tonto.
  12. ROn I was just like your wife before I got sick.Hubby had this illness first.The first thing I did, before I got sick was look up the illness and find how many others were feeling like my hubby. It helped me to understand it was real.Send her here and say "DO you think all these people are making this up?"Maybe you should try Social security Ruthie
  13. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I think family members sometimes go into denial, they want for life to go back to how it was when everyone was healthy.

    Sometimes that is just not going to happen, and everyone needs to adapt to the changes. I don't mean to give in and never try to get better, but take good care of yourself, (including not overdoing), so you will have more good days than bad.

    Fibromyalgia is a real illness. After you have been here awhile, you will have no doubts. There are excellent books on fibromyalgia at the library. Also, on this site is a wealth of information.

    We try our best to support each other here. It is not uncommon for family members to have no understanding of this illness and not believe you. You might want to let your wife read some of the posts here, and info on fibromyalgia.

    You have been through alot and your body is telling you to slow down. With the arthritis you may have degenerative disc disease in your cervical spine. My brother has your same symptoms, aching and pain in neck and shoulders and loss of strength in hands. He actually has numbness in some fingers.

    There are doctors who know about fibromyalgia, some are excellent, but you have to find them. (You can check this site for doctors in your area).

    Hope you are feeling better. Trust me, you are not alone.
    [This Message was Edited on 08/27/2006]
  14. mrpain

    mrpain New Member

    Ron; I know your in a tough situation if your wife won't believe you especially when she can't see what your talking about. Try to get her to read an article on fibromyalgia or get the movie, "I remember me", and let her watch it..

    With my situation, my wife's dad has chronic fatigue syndrome which is a cousin to fibromyalgia, and some even believes it's the same. I have both, and by her father going thru it, it has helped my situation...

    But even with that, it's still hard for my wife to really understand it. (And you know,)I have it and it's hard for me to really understand it. I don't understand it but I sure suffer with it.. So just try to team up with your wife and maybe together, you both can get some kind of understanding which will get her on the right track for you..
  15. toughone

    toughone New Member

    Bump For Ron!
  16. RW54

    RW54 New Member

    Hey everyone,
    Thanks so much for the info and support. I'm not sure if I have this thing yet but it sure makes sence of how I feel. It gives some explaination as to why things are happening at work that confused me so. Not being able to do more than one task at a time, forgetting, transposing numbers and names, all things that make for a butt chewing from a younger boss. Tough to take.
    You all have good advise that I will give a try. I'm trying to suck up as much info as I can. My fear is I will be accused of making me fit the DD. But I'm gona keep looking at it. Thanks again, all.