Geezer giggles

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by alaska3355, Nov 11, 2007.

  1. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    Loved these!
    Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly
    widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years
    older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly
    worth going home, is it?"
    Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the
    best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer
    The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
    I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new
    knees Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything
    quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy,
    winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor
    circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
    Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
    I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's
    permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an
    aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and
    perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
    An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had
    two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her
    ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
    "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my
    daughters visit me twice a week."
    My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as
    it used to be.
    Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
    It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
    These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
    Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because
    you stop laughing.
    --- THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never
    liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to
    tell the difference.
  2. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    laughing out loud.

  3. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    I'll probably read them again and then be surprised to see I've already commented...but, you'll never know! (-:

    Love these.

  4. sisland

    sisland New Member

    CUTE!! LOlol! loved the Coffee maker one!
  5. mezombie

    mezombie Member

    I especially like the last one!
  6. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    I especially liked the one about "My memory is not as sharp as it used to be....."