Getting over Denial

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 2BPainfree, Nov 20, 2002.

  1. 2BPainfree

    2BPainfree New Member

    Hi...
    I'm new here. So glad to have stumbled across this site!
    I have been suffering with pain, exhaustion and very freq mental "Fog" for way too long (5 Yrs). I keep thinking it's something I have done, such as taking the vicodin that is prescribed for fatigue & pain. I used to be an extremely "high energetic" person...NOTHING could slow me down, until slowly I began to fall apart. As a nurse I had to keep cutting back on shifts, now haven't been able to work for 2 years (also have severe endometriosis and mild
    R-Arthritis) I have wondered what is "wrong" with me for so long... never want to leave the house anymore, no energy to even visit family and freinds. Funny, occasionally (rarely) I will clear up for a very short period of time. Of course I think...see, I'm better now! No pain, no fog, can leave the house without agonizing over it!

    Them BAM! 2 days later back it all comes. So discouraged, can't even help myself anymore, no one really understands. My Rheumatologist doesn't even help. Just says "go see a psycologist" arrghhh!! I've finally mustered enough energy to try a new Rheum out at scripps in So-Cal...sure hope he will try to help and not throw me into the "trash-Heap!"

    I know I am in here (this body)somewhere....I can feel it, just need some help. Any suggestions from anyone?

    Thanks for listening,
    Susan
  2. 2BPainfree

    2BPainfree New Member

    Hi...
    I'm new here. So glad to have stumbled across this site!
    I have been suffering with pain, exhaustion and very freq mental "Fog" for way too long (5 Yrs). I keep thinking it's something I have done, such as taking the vicodin that is prescribed for fatigue & pain. I used to be an extremely "high energetic" person...NOTHING could slow me down, until slowly I began to fall apart. As a nurse I had to keep cutting back on shifts, now haven't been able to work for 2 years (also have severe endometriosis and mild
    R-Arthritis) I have wondered what is "wrong" with me for so long... never want to leave the house anymore, no energy to even visit family and freinds. Funny, occasionally (rarely) I will clear up for a very short period of time. Of course I think...see, I'm better now! No pain, no fog, can leave the house without agonizing over it!

    Them BAM! 2 days later back it all comes. So discouraged, can't even help myself anymore, no one really understands. My Rheumatologist doesn't even help. Just says "go see a psycologist" arrghhh!! I've finally mustered enough energy to try a new Rheum out at scripps in So-Cal...sure hope he will try to help and not throw me into the "trash-Heap!"

    I know I am in here (this body)somewhere....I can feel it, just need some help. Any suggestions from anyone?

    Thanks for listening,
    Susan
  3. twjen

    twjen New Member

    Dear Susan, I can relate to this very much. My recent Dr. just said she thinks what I have is fibro. I made a post yesterday about my story, but its gone. In it I say almost the same thing as you, that sometimes I will get a surge of energy and almost feel all better for a few hours and I'll think "GREAT IM CURED" it was all in my head, etc. But it comes right back. Positive thinking, meditation, pushing myself, and phyciatrist hasnt made it go away either. In fact my phyc is the one who first said I have fibromyalgia, he's pretty educated, lucky for me. Your not alone!
  4. Teresa6868

    Teresa6868 New Member

    Welcome, I am sure you have come to the right place for answers. I like you hate to leave the house, I have to force myself out the door. If it were not for work I would become a hermit for sure. That's why I do not want to quit work. I have to have something to force me out the door. I have severe Arthritis of the spine which they found after I herniated my disk earlier this year, not to mention the new Aortic heart valve leak, ITP, list goes on and on I'm afraid. I did not like the Rhemie my GP sent me to either and will request another one during my next visit. Sorry but I guess I am still so new to this I have no sugestions to even offer yet. Hang in there. Lots of caring people are on this site.

    Take care, Teresa
  5. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Hi Susan, welcome to our world. It is amazing how many nurses, and medical professionals we have on this board with FM/CFS.

    I have been here almost two years, and there is no way I could count them.

    It would be a good idea for the scientist, researchers to start in their own backyard with research to find out what is causing these illnesses among their personel.

    I could have written your post above, thats how familiar it is to most of us, along with the attitudes the doctors have.

    Only, I am not, or have ever been in the medical field.

    I have Fibro and arthritis. But have both under control, mostly from reading, researching, and this board. Not much help with doctors.

    Glad you have found us, and hope we hear from you often. Maybe we can be of help to get you functioning again. Lots of experienced people here, with supplements, and meds, plus you might want to do some reading on the Library link too.

    Shalom, Shirl

  6. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    I think many of us can relate to your story, both the wondering what the heck is causing your quality of life to so drastically decline, plus the frustration of encountering a whole bevy of uncaring & unknowledgeable doctors. I would bet you have become at least mildly clinically depressed---I know I was during this phase of my journey with FM. For a while you go through the worry of it being something really life threatening--then when you have exhausted all the tests & have ruled the unimagineable horrors out, you are still left with---so is it FM? And then you go through an even more frustrating time---when you wonder, will these exhausting, debilitating symptoms ever go away? How long do I have to endure this??? And then at some point----for me it was about 18 months into it, came resignation---this is the new body I live in, this is my life. It's no picnic, and I'm not giving up!!!--BUT this is my life with FM. For me, things drastically improved at that point. Instead of being depressed, then I started to be a little more positive--I had plenty of steps backward, but I wasn't FIGHTING it anymore, and for me that made the difference! I even started thinking of my annoying muscle twitches & spasms (one of the most uncomfortable things for me to deal with) as my little friends; in other words, I tried like hell to become comfortable with my body with FM. But I've never stopped trying to make things better, either--I'm always looking, like we all are, not for the magic cure, but for what can make certain symptoms less noticeable & more endurable.

    OK, I'm going to stop writing a book. Sorry! Two suggestions: First, see if you can find a good therapist who deals with people who have chronic illness. You don't need a "psychologist" as your doc so tactlessly suggested, YOU ARE NOT NUTS, you need someone to talk to about the fears, frustrations, etc. of living with FM. I did this pretty early in my illness, and my therapist became my best advocate, listening to me, tirelessly researching for me----in fact, it was she who first suggested I might have fibromyalgia. She was one of the best things I ever did for myself--I saw her for about a year or so, until I felt I was handling my life with illness better, was less depressed & more comfortable. Second, come to this board often. People here are understanding & helpful, you'll never feel alone here. And you'll learn so much about drugs, supplements, exercise, sleep strategies, etc. that help.

    I'm really sorry I went on so long, Susan, I guess your post hit a chord for me, I can relate so to the frustration you are feeling. I so hope you find a good, caring doctor & some support--in the meantime, you have us here, and we care!

    Many hugs,
    Pam
  7. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    I understand completely.

    You'll meet many friends and quite a few nurses here~~including myself!
    Post anytime and we'll chat and discuss and cry and inform!
    Love,
    Kady
  8. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    except I'm not in the medical profession. I am a secretary and hope to be able to continue working. I know I am still in denial even now. I just don't like thinking about myself as a disabled person and am determined to do as much as I can. I know I'm not always easy on myself and still catch myself doing more than I should. I've always been an energetic person who liked to keep active-definitely not a couch potato. Like you, I went for years not feeling well and not knowing why. I went to doctors and was misdiagnosed. After much research on my own, I diagnosed myself with endometriosis (severe) over two years ago and the doctor confirmed it with a laparascopy. My uterus and bladder were actually webbed together! Then I diagnosed myself with fibromyalgia and again the diagnosis was correct. Sometimes I get so frustrated with doctors. They are making the big bucks, but the patient has to tell them what's wrong!

    Sorry-didn't mean to get on a rampage. So glad you found this site, but sorry it's because you have the endo and fibro. Hope you get as much encouragement and support here as I have.

    Ellen