Girlfriend's questions.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sullysontv, Apr 12, 2010.

  1. sullysontv

    sullysontv New Member

    I've been seeing this wonderful man for about six months. (I've known him for a year longer than that.) I'm not oblivious to the fact that he has FM, badly, and has for years - but I'm so head over heels for him that it is no issue at all. It makes me wonder if I ever come off as insensitive. He's the kind of fella who'd have nothing to do with me if I were, but I'd like some advice or tips from someone who also suffers from it. Anything you can tell me bothers you that uneducated friends or family do? I am a sissy girl and I can't imagine dealing with what he does on a daily basis, so I know I just have no idea.
    Thank you so much.

    Edit: (I'm new to this website so I'm not sure how to comment. -loser, haha-)
    Intamacy is NOT an issue, he says it helps him stop hurting, lol. I can barely keep up. :p
    I'm naturally a patient person and he's great at explaining how he's doing to me so I'm very glad I got that covered. Thank you for your comment.[This Message was Edited on 04/12/2010]
  2. loto

    loto Member

    I have FM, and have known it for almost 2 years now. The only thing I can think of to tell you is to try and ALWAYS be patient with him when he's not feeling up to doing anything.
    One issue my husband has with me is intimacy. I never feel like being intimate anymore. Maybe it's different with men who have FM, though. I try and explain to my husband that it has nothing to do with him, it's just that I never have those urges! He always takes it personally, and I can understand his feelings, also. But anyway, don't take it personally if he acts that way toward you.
    That's the best advice I can give you: try to stay patient, don't take his bad days personally, and just stay compassionate and as understanding as you can.

    Best wishes!
  3. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    Your boyfriend is very lucky to have you in his life. Can I ask tho about what you said? What did you mean by "he wouldnt have anything to do with you if I were?" Sick? If so thats not ok.

    The biggest thing is to understand if he can't do somethings. Alot of us have lost family and friends because of this. Also people who don't believe you are really sick.

    Glad to hear things are ok in the intamicy dept! Thats a difficult one.

    take care
  4. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    You make a good point.

    If he says he wouldn't have anything to do with you if you were sick, is he looking for a caretaker? Do you mean if you were desrespectful he would not have anything to do with you? I don't mean to be so down but you have to be realistic.

    Once you get over the "head over heels" phase, if you decide to continue the relationship, I would suggest couples counseling.

    Take care.


    [This Message was Edited on 04/12/2010]
  5. victoria

    victoria New Member

    you misread it, that she meant something different.

    She wrote:
    "It makes me wonder if I ever come off as insensitive. He's the kind of fella who'd have nothing to do with me if I were, but I'd like some advice or tips from someone who also suffers from it. Anything you can tell me bothers you that uneducated friends or family do?"

    which to me means that he would have nothing to do with her if she were insensitive.

    Sullsontv, the fact you're even asking really shows your heart is in the right place, for starters. Patience is I think important for when he's having bad days... sometimes when people are in pain they do tend to withdraw, so if he does, don't take it personal. This could get difficult sometimes; seems like everyone tends to snap at those they're close to no matter how much they care about them.

    all the best in your new relationship!

  6. victoria

    victoria New Member

  7. ladybugmandy

    ladybugmandy Member

    i sound like a great gf!

    i dont want to sound paranoid but..until we know if a virus causes FM, you should probably wear a condom during sex.

  8. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    You are very sweet and caring.

    I have a wonderful husband who has been by my side and would never leave it. With that being said though, it's still hard for me sometimes, because it is normal for the person who has FM to feel guilty over our limitations and how it affects our relationships, our lives.

    Realize that your boyfriend has NO control over how his body feels. He may seem okay one hour, then completely wiped out and in pain, the next. He really just has to listen to his body - if he needs to sleep all day on the weekend, then he has to. He doesn't like it, believe me.

    I've said "Im sorry", so many times to my husband to which he always says "there is NOTHING to be sorry for!" - which is true, but it's a hard pill to swallow when your body doesn't cooperate with what your mind wants to do. No one ever wants to be a burden or a 'downer' either - so try never to let him feel that way.

    You sound very loving and your patience will help! Support is so very important to the person who suffers from Fibro. Live your life of course, keep your circle of friends etc. You'll just make some adjustments. My husband has a pretty normal life, except that we don't go out - but we've got grown kids etc. and are happy to be home. He still goes golfing etc. You're not doomed to a life of anything horrible! Don't feel that at all. Just realize that it's probably pretty tough emotionally for him as it is physically as well.

    I don't believe that FM is viral - everyone has their own theories. We've never used a condom and we've been together over 25 years.

    Definitely come back and ask specific questions if you have any!