I had truely become fed up with whatever Christianity has become to me since I was healed of MPD 8-31-04 (multiple per. dis. )( At the first of my healing I was very happy until my effexor journey. ) I ALSO went off effexor(for 5 months) real close to my healing which affected my personality and opened me up to anger in my life like I had never experienced . I am 52 and have never sworn until coming down off effexor. ( an anti depressant) I started throwing stuff and cussing since then , and have had absolutly no tolerance. If I cannot live the Christian life and honor my Lord I would just rather be dead and I found myself VERY angry at God not understanding what to do about my plight. I do believe that effexor is more evil or as evil as crank and I consider that the drug from hell. You become irrational and anger and unpridictability is all your life is about. If I am acting like someone on speed then whats then difference?. Pure frustration. I got on my cell phone yesterday and just started calling numbers of so called friends and family saying help, I need help. My losses are too many and too close. I have just disowned my middle son out of his disrespect and an evil relationship he is in , I have the death of my oldest, I have lost who I have always beem and I just losts rights to visit and be a part of the life of one of my grandchildren , because my son picks evil wicked mean woman( who was raised in foster care due to my severe illness. ( I will say , my youngest adores me) I felt I had incurred too many losses at once to cope , especially the loss of myself and the temperance I have always had. I was starting to really regrete that I didnt die of my accidental overdose, and Ive hated life. Yesterday an old Christian friend answered the phone and said she hasnt been able to get ahold of me due to the internet and not having my cell phone # and not knowing how to get to my house. I gave her directions and she came right over. I was very honest with her conserning my angry outbursts and my anger towards God. As I was talking to her ( a very loving spiritual woman) I realized that I fully believe the effexor opened me up to be oppressed by demons as I also still had the insomnia and other side affects from it.(last night I slept as a baby) I realized , I feel sure God was revealing , that I was being greatly oppressed by demons of anger and hate and violence , because what I was sharing had to have a spiritual conotation. I asked her to minister to me and with annointing oil, and when she did I felt this burden and anger leave. I felt new and that my hope has been restored . Something changed during her visit and prayer and she left and the rest of yesterday was so different and so good and peaceful. and my awaking this morning feels so good and I feel so different , and I feel happy and in control of my behavior again. ( I believe in oppression not possesion_) Today I realize you cannot just walk away what I went through with effexor withdrawals without some assistance in the restoration of your sanity and maybe your spirituality as well. . Thank you all for your prayers, as I believe they played a big part in Gods intervention in my life and I am not angry at God anymore , and I know he loved me despite myself. Many greats in the bible got angry with God , Jonah, David, Moses and more . . God is much bigger than our anger and this last year is thee first time that I have had to deal with anger for different reasons at God and give up anger towards people I said I forgave but still hated. . I have survived 52 years as a MP and now I am supposed to just staliving life as normal.?? Life is much more complicated then we realize sometimes. "The purpose driven life" book really saved my rear and helped me through all this , as it has a couple chapters on our anger towards God , and see God knows all, and its been in Letting go of anger towards my enemies and both God that brought around my healing of MPD. Self honesty is the only credit I can take for any deliverance and the time I have spent on my face . God hears and answeres prayer , we just dont like his replys sometimes. Thanks to all who prayed. Love Jubi.