Going downhill fast and need advice

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by daynakb, Jul 15, 2006.

  1. daynakb

    daynakb New Member

    In the last couple of years the FM symptoms have been getting worse and worse. I quit my job in Feb 2005 because it was just too stressful and pain was increasing. Shortly after that my husband was fired from a very good job and we had to move since we were renting from his employer. Since then he has worked a variety of low paying, short term jobs until last October when he just decided to stop working and not bother to look for another job. (Don't ask me, I don't know what's up with him either.) When we moved here in April 2005 I started working at home doing general transcription online. But since he hasn't been working I am the sole support of the household and have been working 50 to 65 hours a week. Work was slow over the winter which meant that while I was logged on to the work site I was sitting and waiting for work. When I am scheduled to work I have to be near to the computer to be able to accept any work that comes in as we only have 60 seconds to accept a job before it's sent to someone else and we don't get paid unless we type jobs (waiting is not paid for).

    I simply can't sit near the computer, whether working or waiting, for 65 hours a week any more. It's killing me! My house is a mess. I never go anywhere, even the store, since we no longer have a car and no one is up when I get off work at 9:00 pm or later to take me. I've missed work quite a bit lately as I've been hurting so badly or just so exhausted that I've slept 18 hours straight. Then other nights I can't sleep at all.

    I want to apply for disability but I don't know how to go about it and not sure I would qualify since I am currently scheduling myself up to 65 hours a week. My pay varies but is more than $700 a month. The thing is, I work this much out of necessity. I have to pay the bills and the rent and buy food and working this many hours is the only way to do this. But it's killing me! At this point, if I didn't have to in order to survive, I don't think I could manage even 20 hours a week.

    I just don't know what to do anymore and I hurt so bad I can't think. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  2. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    You would be elegible for housing assistance with that low income. Do you tax under this income? I am not sure what SSDI look at since I didn't apply, I would ask at the following site:

    http://groups.msn.com/SocialSecurityDisabilityCoalition/_whatsnew.msnw

    This is a support group with a very informed host.

    As for your hubby, maybe it's time to put your (achy?) foot down and show him the door if he won't get his behind back into reality? Don't take it, give him a "that's it" surprise, and what you expect from him- or he's out. if you knew WHy you are supporting him, that's one thing, but geee, he have no reason!! I would have to put a vomit bucket next to me if I had it that way, I could not put up with it for one moment.

    If you were well, you would expect him to work anyway. Now, you're not. Expect at least what would be fair if you were well. So many hours for so little money, I feel so bad for you, this is not ok!

    I hope you can get better advice from other posters, I'm just venting,,,LOL!
  3. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    Gosh, I actually got fired up at your husband when reading your post! LOL

    I am so sorry you are going through this. It makes me angry that your husband seems to have just given up on everything, and expects you to take care of the family.

    YOU CAN'T, You ARE sick!!! I think I'd have to put my foot down and kick him in the behind with it too! How SELFISH of him!

    I do not have any good advice to give you on anything else, but I applied for state "Assistance" when my hubby and I were split up a few months and was able to get medical coverage.

    I wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers.
    Please keep us posted!
  4. romanshopper

    romanshopper New Member

    Your husband may be depressed. Sometimes when looking for work like that and can't find anything but low paying get now where jobs, it gets darn depressing, especially for a man I think.

    Could he be depressed?
  5. JLH

    JLH New Member

    My advice is to kick your husband off his butt and make it go get a job!!! That will help all of your problems!!

    Before he starts looking for a job, make him go to a doctor (even if at a free clinic in town--or with your income as your only source of income--apply for Medicaid and any other benefits that are available to you).

    I suspect your husband is suffering from clinical depression. Being fired from his job and having to move and work low-paying jobs has had to have destroyed his male ego, etc. (Can't think of what I actually want to say--it's too late here and my mind has quit working!! It's 2:30 AM now.)

    If you husband may also benefit from a short stint of therapy. Being put on anti-depressants and staying under a doctor's care for a while might make him a new man!!

    Then .... he may be ready to tackle the outside working world!!

    That would relieve you of a lot of stress, you could work less hours, etc.


    Hugs,
    Janet
  6. daynakb

    daynakb New Member

    I know that my husband is depressed, but having experience with depression I told him that the only way to get past it is to get on with things. It's been long enough, time to get over it. He is receiving unemployment but that runs out in about 2 or 3 weeks.

    Believe me, I am kicking him in the behind daily, for all the good it does. As far as splitting up, I have nowhere to go really if I leave and can't afford the deposits and all that to rent a new place of my own. Not to mention that when he lost his job last year we were living in Columbia, MO. My family all lives in Kansas City, MO. Rents are very high there. I have no wealthy family members, we're all just getting by, and no one really has room for more people in their homes. We decided to move to Topeka, KS which is where his family all lives, thinking that he would get more job referrals or opportunities and also be near family that could possibly help if needed. To put it as nicely as I can, he has a very screwed up family. They all hate me and for some reason have managed to make it my fault that we're broke and barely able to pay the bills. I find that funny since I can't go to any family functions and can't really talk to them when they visit since I'm chained to my computer from 9 am to 9 pm practically 7 days a week! So basically, I have no allies here and if I kick him out I will be alone in a town I hate with no friends or family near and financially unable to do anything about it.

    But I did put my foot down this last week and told him that he had better have a job before his unemployment runs out or he will be out on his backside and I'll just manage as best I can on my own. If I'm going to do everything myself, I'm going to do it for myself and no one else.

    Sorry, had to vent a little. This is why my stress is so high which is causing a lot of problems and I just can't seem to lower my stress levels right now. I've been looking at some government sites today to see if I qualify for any programs. Hopefully I'll find something soon. I'm used to being in pain all the time but this is ridiculous.
  7. rachel432

    rachel432 New Member

    in your post you wrote that you were working so many hours and your husband wasn't even loking for a job. you also wrote that your house was a mess. if he isn't working why isn't he at least picking up the slack and doing the housework?

    i'm in a similiar situation to you, my husband is a musician who also does recording out of our house for other local bands, so basically i am the finacial supprost for us, he really doesn't make any money at it he does it because he loves it. but since i'm the one working and he's at home he does the cooking and cleaning so i don't have to and can get enough rest so i'm not completely exhausted. at least if your husband isn't going to work he could be doing the work around the house so you don't have to worry about that and can take care of yourself and stay healthy.

    but the best advice i think i can give is that if you physically can't work any more, which is totally understandable, your husband needs to get a job. once your married things become a team effort and you need to support eachother and it doesn't sound like your getting much support from him. you need to sit your husband down and tell him how you feel and what you need from him.

    i hope this helps.
    rachel
  8. daynakb

    daynakb New Member

    He does help around the house some. He does the dishes, vacuums occasionally, does the yardwork, trash. I was raised by the Cleanliness Goddess and my house was always spotless before the FM took over. Even if he cleaned all day he wouldn't be up to my standards. With three dogs in the house, it's tough to keep it spotless all the time. I wish he would vacuum more often but to be realistic that would be difficult since I'm always working and wouldn't be able to hear the dictation with the vacuum running.

    He used to be very helpful and understanding before the job loss. Now he gets lost in his own world most of the time. If I tell him to do something he'll do it right away. Problem is, I have to tell him everything to do. My oldest dog is 7 years and we've had her since puppyhood. She eats twice a day, at 9 am and 7 pm, along with the pug. The Doberman eats three times a day at 9 am, 2 pm and 7 pm. This is a regular schedule and doesn't vary since I'm always home. However, I still have to announce that it's 2:00 and the dog needs fed or he completely spaces it off. There can be dishes covering the countertops and I'll have to tell him to wash them.

    I'm seriously thinking that a heavy blunt object to the back of the head may knock him out of this funk. Worth a try maybe?
  9. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Ya know, if you apply for housing assistance, they often have a program in the same office where you apply for a deposit loan. I paid it back with the low amount of $25.00/mo, and got it right away.

    You are right, when depression hits, it's important to keep going, stick to a routine of "doing-ness". Make a point of visiting employers, new and old ones. Something. If you werent there, what would he do? He would have to do something.

    I am so sorry about this, it's the worst time something like this could be going on.
  10. BonBons

    BonBons New Member

    I sure feel for you folks. But let me say one thing to EVERYONE. Do NOT move from state to state or city to city BEFORE you are SURE the family will help. Most can't, won't, or are sick themselves. Bonnie Good luck. God bless yoy and your family......