Going through the ANGER stage

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Janalynn, Jul 29, 2009.

  1. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I've gone through all the phases we all go through after diagnoses (several times). I've tried to remain positive and really take one day at a time. I have been one who doesn't (can't) look far into the future. I still say things like (when we retire, let's move to a Palm Desert and you can golf all day and I can lay by the pool, shop...) dreams of course... I just don't put my limitations into the equation.

    Right now, I'm finding I'm very angry at what my life is like. I am burning the candle at both ends because I have to. My husband was a victim of the economy and lost his job. Amazing how your life can drastically change in one day. My wonderful part time job has increased hours now because we are so busy. I dread getting ready for work in the morning. Dread it! Just showering wears me out. I also have another job that can be very time consuming. My weekends or any days off - I swear my body knows it and I literally shut down, cannot move. I am on the couch, have a toothbrush in my downstairs bathroom so that I don't have to tackle the stairs. My summer, my favorite time of year, has wasted away. I don't visit my Mom who is my best friend and would love my company just every once in a while.

    I have to add that I have THE most supportive family in the world. My husband is helpful - cleans the house, does laundry, has no problem with me needing rest, actually encourages it.
    I'm just finding myself crying and being pi$$ed off that I CAN'T do anything. Believe me, I TRY. I have NO energy. I have horrible pain in my legs that I can't get away from. I KNOW and have seen that the correlation between stress and pain is very real.

    I'm tired of taking pain meds that help sometimes take my pain down a couple of notches maybe, but I need them or I wouldn't function at all. I don't have time to wait for 'something' to work. Unless you experience awful Fibro pain, it's hard to relate to I imagine. Yes, I'm on thryoid meds even though my labs are on the great end of good. Vit D levels are good. This isn't a matter of 'what is wrong with me' This is an emotional thing.

    From my posts, you can probably tell that I am a 'glass is half full' person with a positive spin on life. I have much to be grateful for and a life of blessings even though it's been full of challenges. I feel best when I am able to help others or make someone else feel better (a phone call from a friend in need), but lately I have no energy to do that and am avoiding phone calls half the time.

    I've gone through the, do I really have Fibro, to the 'okay, I have some adjusting to do, but I can still enjoy life....." to being sad, feeling guilty (still feel that one a lot!) to madder than heck.

    Anyone feel like they are just downright MAD right now??

    Thanks for letting me VENT. =) I'm sure this anger will pass and I'll go through the next phase all over again. Too bad I can't remember what that one is.

  2. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    Janalynn, I know how you feel, and it isn't a great feeling. I get so angry sometimes it is terrible. So sorry to hear of your hubby's job loss. This damn economy is just awful. Me & hubby are thankful that he still has his, I don't work do to this DD, so we, like most, still struggle, with in turn makes me mad/sad. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

    I would like to also add, that have a good supportative family is great, if it weren't for my hubby, sisters, and of course my dear mother I don't know what I would do. My mom, like you with your's is one of my best friends, along with my sisters. When we go out on a mom and sister's day is probably on of the most fun/happy days that I have. You talk about laughing, my mom keeeps us is stitches. Unfortunately, it is not ofteen enough.

    Hey, by the way, what is up with our legs? My legs have been KILLING me lately? Not only do I have the whole flu-like crap, my darn legs hurt like the devil, and sometimes I think they are just gonna give out on me. Well, you take care, vent when you want, and always know that you are not alone.


  3. cfsgeorge

    cfsgeorge New Member

    I've gone through all the negative emotions as well. These are all normal human emotions to go through when we are suffering from a chronic disease and have lost so much of our lives.

    However, i will say that negative emotions will eventually pass because negative emotions just make it that much worse. do you agree? I don't dwell on the past or worry about the future anymore. i try to live at peace in the present moment even though i'm disabled and very ill.

    This illness seems to naturally force me from being negative because it just "hurts" too much to be negative. Once i feel some relief from not being so negative, i try to stay positive and happy because it just feels better. I'm still disabled and feel very ill most of the time, but by controlling my emotions is something i can do to make myself feel a bit better rather than feeling much worse.
  4. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I've never been angrier in my life. I could relate to what you wrote: "okay, I have some adjusting to do, but I can still enjoy life... to being sad, feeling guilty (still feel that one a lot!) to madder than heck." ~ Janalynn

    My anger is just under the surface and it takes very little to set it off. I was never like this before. All of my hormones are going crazy too with perimeno and I know that's making me worse physically and making my emotions go crazy like anger. That all started when I was 35. Wish I could handle HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy).

    I've spent whole days and weeks at a time feeling very angry over the last 10 years. It's much worse when I'm PMSing so for 2 weeks a month I'm outta my head.

    I do have to say that it's lessening now finally. And I don't think it's a coincidence that I just had my lightest cycle yet. I'm also finally able to get on my bike and that made my leg pain worse at first but now that's finally getting better than it was. I hope that holds. Another thing that helps my leg pain are pain sprays and Lidocaine patches and massage. Get that supportive hubby of yours to lightly massage your legs as often as possible.

    I think anger is a big part of being chronically ill and we just have to go through it. I know she's controversial, but the CDs by Byron Katie have really helped with my anger. So has reading Near Death Experiences (not the religious ones).

    Hang in there. Your anger is a normal reaction to all this. It will eventually get better I believe and hope for you.



    [This Message was Edited on 07/29/2009]
  5. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I have some anger, but I try to just focus on other things as much as possible. I hate the disease and what it has done to my life. And I had one idiot doctor actually say to me, "You seem to have alot of anger toward your disease." Duh. Gee, am I supposed to love it? I guess I'm supposed to be happy it has destroyed my entire life?

    I have anger at things that have happened to my life. My branch of the family all had bad health and money troubles, while the rest of the family was blessed beyond blessed with wealth, health, success. And I just don't think that's fair. And I hate the saying that life is not fair. Why give us a sense of fairness if life is not fair? None of it makes sense.

    I just envy that my cousins are healthy enough to have a life and marriages and kids. Careerwise, they were lazy and married for money. They never wanted to work. And they made sure to marry wealthy men. And yet, they love to tell me that I'm the lazy one. When I'm the opposite. I would love to have a great career and be out there doing things. Squeaking out three or four kids so I don't have to work is not my thing.

    I do envy that they get to go on vacations and go hiking and swimming and dancing and to parties. All the things I am unable to do anymore.

    I miss dancing. I was watching a music vid last night and I was like, OMG how I miss dancing. Just normal fun things.

    The disease has made my life a lonely, empty shell. And let's not even talk about the monetary devastation. Just everything is gone.

    Being angry really just drains you more. I think it is healthy to have the anger, but it's best not to dwell on it if you can.
  6. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I just wanted to say hi and let you know I'm here and know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm experiencing the absolute worst phase of my life right now, everything in my life is such a mess!

    My dh had to take a 50% pay cut a couple of months ago, we're now in the red every month. And I honestly don't think I could hold down a job with the way I get hit with horrible crashes all the time. I am angry, sad, frustrated, etc, and so so tired.

    Why us? It's a cruel joke I guess. I am sick and tired of all of it! We need to win the lotto and all get together and go on a spa vacation!!! Right now, I can't even afford to go get a pedicure...one of my favorite summertime splurges...it's too hard to do a good job myself tho. I just hope changes are coming, POSITIVE changes only please!

    Just count your blessings that you don't have a "problem child" like my dd!! She is causing so much trouble here. I got to start my day off yesterday by calling 911 cuz she was so manic and physically violent towards me. I had 3 Sheriffs officers in my bathroom (where she had locked herself in) trying to talk to her. I was so hoping they'd take her in on a 5150, but of course she was just crying by the time they came (25 min after I called). They just told me to call again if she starts attacking me...Gee, do you think stress is a factor here?????

    I don't remember if you're on any ADs... when my depr worsens, I become very irritable and angry also. Just upped my Prozac last month because of it, has helped a little.

    Hope you can find some peace, calm yourself down if you can. I just try to "meditate"...actually just rest my eyes and try to keep my mind clear and my body relaxed. It's the best I can do some days. You'll be OK, you have the advantage of being an optimist, which is a great quality. Take Care of yourself.....This too shall pass.

    xoxoxo Hermit
  7. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    Thank you all for your replies!!

    Lynn, your family sounds like mine. I have two great sisters (and a great brother!) My sisters, Mom and I live near each other and we're all very close. Boy can we laugh! See I do know how blessed I am and every single day on my way to work I have the most incredible view of the mountains. I just stare at them in awe and think about my life - the good things, the little things, the simple things.

    Legs - don't get me started! Mine have always been the worst! =)

    Nink- I guess we go for those moments of self - acceptance and moments of peace! I think if we don't go through all of these other phases we sometimes don't gain the acceptance we need. Thanks for your reply!!

    George- I VERY much agree that negative emotions just make every worse (just makes life harder!), so I try to keep them at bay at all costs. I'm not sure anger is necessarily a bad thing unless it lasts a long time and is destructive. Sometimes it kicks ya in the butt!
    Not sure how, but... =)

    teejkay - Oh do I understand about the hormone crap! I think I'm starting to go through somethin'. Oh I'm sure it's just gonna be a blast when it's full blown. Isn't it nice to be a woman!
    Glad you're able to ride your bike!! That's great!

    My husband does rub my legs for me which is aahhhh wonderful, but unfortunately I can't velcro him to me and take him to work! I hope you feel better too!

    TEA- Ah I love dancing too!! I'm not ever gonna give up on that. I can stand and still 'shake it' if I have to.
    Life is not fair. That's perfectly clear. I think that's the saying I remember the longest in my life.
    See, I'm upset with myself for not being able to have the right things to say to you!! I promise to come back and support you better!! Thank YOU for replying to ME.

    Hermitlady - I've missed you and think of you often! I know you have SO much on your plate.
    I'm just too stressed it seems and I've got to find some relief somewhere - don't know where or how.
    I even hate to complain, everyone here has there own 'story" and some have life circumstances that are much worse than others.

    I just wish we could all go to that big SPA - weekend RETREAT and be pampered, even for a couple of days, could we not use a break?????