Good friend addicted to pain meds

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Sheila1366, Dec 2, 2005.

  1. Sheila1366

    Sheila1366 New Member

    Hey everybody.I hope you all are doing good and enjoying the holidays(I am politically correct on this right?).LOL
    Anyway seriously I have an important question to ask my friends.

    There is a guy that my hsband grew up with and spent many years hanging out with and doing wild things togther.He lives a few houses down from us now.He lost his home he was living in ,rumor it was due to him not having enough money to pay rent cause he was spending it all on pain meds.If any of you have been in his shoes and was addicted to pain meds., help me to tell what is sincere and what may actually be a lie and him just using us.

    He does have ostoeporosis and has had back surgery.He is in severe back pain, you can see it.But just recently he told us he was going to a new pain clinic and was getting help.All other pain clinics would not take him again and other dr.'s have refused to see him due to his tempwer and over use of pain meds.

    He has called us to take him to the er to get help for pain,borrowed money from us to get pain meds.asked for ride alot and just the other day said he was needing to find someone else to help him with his pain and that it didn't work out with this new pain managment group.We have heard 2 different sides to his story.He was fired from his job a a year and a half ago due to a dui.He was charged with driving while under the influence of medication.They took his car,sold it,took his licesne and he had to spend 12 weekends in jail.To here him tell the story he is being treated wrongly and that all these dr.'s are idiots and aren't listening to him.And you know for awhile we didn't even see much of him til he saw me at the pharmacy and I told him I had FM and was getting pain meds. for it.I told my husband that I think he started coming around cause he knew I was on pain meds.I'm not sure about that but is behavior makes me wonder.

    Last Oct. we took him with us to a craftsman show Jimmy and I had signed up for.The night before my dh took this guy to the er and then unknowingly had to pay for this guys pain meds. at the pharmacy.We were to leave the next morning early.Went to pick him up and at that time he seemed fine,mentally.The er. dr. gave him perkacet and he was to take them every 6 hours.As the day went on at the craft show his behavior became more an dmore odd.He looked like a drunk.He kept buying himself drinks and taking pain meds.We found out later he took 3 pills in the 5 hours we were with him.He told me some very embarassing storied about my dh's sex life prior to meeting me,he stumbled everywhere,dh had to make him sit down cause he was swaying back and forth and when people walked by our display they would look at him funny,he looked like a drunk.

    DH had a long talk with him about that.This guy got his feelings hurt but we have kept in touch with him and had him over despite the behavior cause we know he has a problem.

    Everytime he is around he talks about his pain.Which I do ask how he is feeling,and honestly I do want to know.But he is always putting blame on dr.'s for not treating his pain.He has told us many times that he is not gonna hurt.I don't want to feel pain either but I don't want to be so strung out on pain meds. that I can't function and people start avoiding me.

    What do you think we should do to help this guy? He just got baptized we don't want to push him away at a time like this but then again there are times I think he comes around only to later ask for a ride to the er or trying to get his nerve up to ask for pain meds. from me.He did that a year ago and I would give him a darvocet everyone once in awhile to help him out.It is hard to tell what is truth and what is getting us to feel sorry for him and to help him out.We have so many issues of our own and verylimited money.We can't afford to take him where he needs to go especially since he is living with his father and he can drive.He called the othe day and asked for a ride to the court house to pay his fine,it was a day late.His dad is right there,I just don't understand.

    So what do you all think?
    Sheila
  2. Lindy2

    Lindy2 New Member

    I admire you and you husband for helping your friend but it sounds like he needs professional help.

    It's a bad situation when someone is hurting and no one can predict how bad that person is truly hurting. I for one know that feeling by being treated that way by my family and went through dozens of doctors before finding one that would not only treat me for my pain but would trust and support me.

    You have to ask yourself how much time do you want to invest in constantly driving your friend to a doctor and then buying prescriptions.

    If you take meds be careful being seen with him as if in the future you may need to see a doctor he has seen which could make the doctors think negative.

    Keep a lock on your medications if you know he is coming over just as a precaution.

    Hope I have not said anything to offend you, I am only offering my opinion from what I have gone through.


    You sound like a true friend which are hard to find!


    Lindy
  3. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I answered this post but then deleted because I felt I was being too harsh, your friend after all is a 'good friend'.

    However, I do feel like the others, that he is using you and unless he seeks help, he will just go on using you.

    I am in tears sometimes with pain and I have to wait to take my meds at the right time because I dont want to become addicted. It requires determination.

    I think your friend is an addict too, he certainly is acting like one.

    He's toxic Sheila, a friendship is a two way thing.

    I hope you can resolve this but dont feel guilty if you have to leave your friend behind.

    love
    Rosie
  4. PepperGirl52

    PepperGirl52 New Member

    Sheila, I'm so sorry you and your husband are going through this. I just went through a similar situation less than a year ago with my very best friend of over 20+ years.

    As someone said, it becomes toxic, to the point where nothing we do is going to really matter, because all they want is their next 'fix', and that's all they are fixated on and care about. Sadly, they are consumed with that, and can't even see beyond it. They don't understand our concern, don't listen to our coaxing or coaching. They are full-fledged addicts who need professional help.

    Unless you are a trained counselor, you are not going to be able to help him. And even then, you are really too emotionally involved to do him the good that he needs.

    I had to cut the ties with this woman. She was using me to aid her addiction, keep her secrets, and decieve a lot of people, all in the 'name' of friendship. It took my being so ill to see through her and realize how superficial it all was.

    I finally had to confront her face-to-face, and that was it. She didn't want to hear it, didn't want to face reality and the harm she was doing to herself and others. So, a long-term relationship was over in a matter of days. Because I chose the truth over her lies!

    You have to do that, too, Sheila. Choose truth over deception, and your health over his self-destruction. You and husband have to be on the same page with this. Your husband will need to understand how this is effecting your health and your relationship with eachother.

    Whether it calls for an 'intervention' with this guy, or just slowly backing away, you have to cut the ties. Although, I do believe, after years of friendship, he deserves an explanation of why you are cutting the ties. If he cares about himself, and you and your husband, hopefully, he'll get some help. He may have to hit below bottom to do it. But you cannot rescue him in any way. HE has to do this, and not at YOUR expense anymore!!

    I'm sorry, but that's the way it has to be. Good luck, and my prayers will be with you. I know how tough this is!! PG
  5. Sheila1366

    Sheila1366 New Member

    The advice is good and I understand what you all are saying.We are enabling him by being a shoulder he can lean on and someone that plays on our sympathy due to the fact my daughter and I have FM.

    My husband had a heart to heart with him a month ago after the craft show mess.He said if he ever caught him lying to him that was it.He was told to never come to our house doped up and if he did he would be sent home.

    I think it is a good idea too that we back away slowly but not completely.My dh and I are hearing 2 different stories about this guy.We were told by some other friends that his car was taken away from him cause he used it as a loan to get money so he could get pain meds.He told us it was empounded.He was living in his sisters old house paying rent and was evicted.Ther are other stories that don't mesh.Our friends told us to be careful or you will end up babysitting him.

    It makes me ill cause I deal with pain everyday.I don't want to feel pain either but I refuse to be knocked out.I want to live my life.And you know I am not so sure he is not using God to get peoples help.I sure hope not that is just asking for trouble.I didn't realize til he told me that he had a drinking problem and a drug problem before.This is my dh's buddy and we became friends since dh and I got married.I think if dh feels he is upsetting the rest of us he will stop him from coming over.At this point I am just waiting for another call to take him to the dr. or er for meds.If he does we are going to say no.

    I knew I could depend on you all to give me some good advice.Thanks everyone.
    Sheila