Good Laugh For All

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by bevy2most, Dec 6, 2007.

  1. bevy2most

    bevy2most New Member

    Stun Gun
    (only a man would do this)

    (Gals - you have got to read the whole thing if you can keep the tears
    out of your eyes)

    Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

    A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary
    submitted this:

    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
    my interest. The occasion was our 22nd Anniversary and I was looking for a
    little something "extra" for my wife.

    I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The effects
    of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
    affect on the assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to
    safety....WAY TOO COOL!

    Long story short, I bought the device, and brought it home. I loaded two
    triple-A batteries in the thing, and pushed the button. Nothing! I was

    I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a
    metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting
    back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!

    Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on
    the face of her microwave.

    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
    couldn't be all THAT bad, with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!

    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
    little soul) while I was reading the directions, and thinking that I really
    needed to try this thing out on a flesh & amp; blood moving target.

    I must admit, I thought about zapping Gracie, (for a fraction of a
    second) and then thought better of it. She's such a sweet cat.

    But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect her self
    against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as

    Am I wrong?

    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top, with my reading
    glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
    hand, and Taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
    would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed
    to cause muscle spasms, and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second
    burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish
    out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would just be wasting the

    All the while, I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
    long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; (pretty cute really, and loaded
    with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "NO possible

    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my
    best...I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to
    one side as if to say, "Don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second
    burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't POSSIBLY hurt all that

    I decided to give myself a one-second burst, just for the heck of it. I
    touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!

    I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
    up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over, and
    over, and over, and over again.

    I vaguely recall waking up on my side, in the fetal position, with tears
    in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be
    found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and
    tingling in my legs.

    The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard
    before, licking my face, and undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again,
    do it again!"

    Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one
    note of caution: there is NO SUCH THING as a "one-second burst", when you
    zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from
    your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst
    would be considered conservative.

    SON-OF-A-%#&**%#... that hurt!!!!

    A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
    that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and
    surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the
    fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh, and both
    nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with
    Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my
    testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.

  2. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Good laugh! Thanks for making my day!
  3. victoria

    victoria New Member


    LOL it reminds me of watching a video on TV where volunteers were pepper-sprayed by a cop, JUST to see "what it was like"...

    if I remember right, every single person was a GUY!!! -- all ages!

    What is up with that?!? -- guys, waiting for your explanations!

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