Grandbaby update: from Doxy

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by doxygirl, Dec 27, 2005.

  1. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    Iam full of "updates" tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL

    When I got to work tonight I found a letter on my was from my son's previous girlfriend that is now pregnant.................

    It was an invitation to her baby shower, and a letter to me with a picture of Cohen Matthew ( my "very potentially" first Grandson) .............................

    I called my son who is really depressed, and upset over this entire thing( and is in all likely hood the childs father)..........I read the letter to him...........

    and he asked me to PLEASE wait until we know for sure...........he went on to say "once we know for sure( if it is ) you can do whatever you want to............but please wait until then to talk to her, or see her...............................

    He told me the reason he broke up with this girl is because he caught her kissing his FRIEND!That is why he is so strongly for a DNA test.................. Even so I still feel in my gut very strongly that this is my son's child........

    Iam torn .........I do NOT want to miss out on a thing with this baby if he is ours.........and yet my son needs my complete support right now, rather he is the father or not!

    I support him 100% as far as having the DNA test to know for sure! I think whenever there is any doubt one should always be done!

    Although he WILL take full responsibility of this child if it is his...........he still has a right to have his feelings and he is NOT happy! He feels like this has RUINED his life......and I can tell he is full of fear.......I CANNOT and WILL NOT abandon my son..........but I CANNOT abondon my Grandson either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    How can I be so happy and excited and still be there for my son who is distraught and needs me????????????????

    This is so bittersweet!


    [This Message was Edited on 12/28/2005]
  2. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    so it is good news now for you all...atleast you have some address and assume a number to contact the potential mother.

    my thoughts are like this: now remember i have a son as i am going on my instintc of that situation...

    i feel that if i was in your shoes i would at least try to commicate with the baby shower via gift of some sort. two choices go there in person and make your presents known of the potential grandbaby's grammy...and looking forward for the test results ...and are so excited to the dna coming out positive,,,that is if anyone else brings the topic up....

    get her a nice little gift something simple..
    you need to take the higher ground that if infact when this baby is born he will have dna testing down and will doxy have a new addition in her family.

    i feel you should go w/the benefit of the doubt that the baby his your sons....then after the delivery do the testing and do no repeat do not sign birth certificate until the test is conclusive that he is your son firts...after that he is all to share with both new families....

    so your son may not marry the lady that;s ok/ but he can still do the right things with taking him to his sports to play at school and have him over for sleepover times with daddy...

    i think it would nice to know that you followed thr up to the birthing and dna testing....then that will keeep both famlies knowing the truth....and then tthat comes out positive you can have a bithday party for the baby when he comes home to celebrate his father.....i hope it does comes out that way///

    or you can send a gift via mail and not show.

    i personally always try to take the high road and i would go.

    you son does need to go....i would be there i say i can not wait to back the results of the i can truly claim the baby as my grandboy.

    i am a little woozy and slow right now took my sleeping bpii

    so realy shoulkd;n twrite anymore thing...

  3. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    Hi Doxy! I am going to email you later on in the day, but I can't wait to write to you on this post. Which son is the possible father? Is it your oldest? I am asking because his age of course will account for how he reacts to all of this. Anywho, I understand your complete support in your son. He has to come first no matter what. My suggestion to you would be to go ahead and go to the shower as a "friend" of your son's former girlfriend. Were you close to her at all? If you were then this can be a reason to go. As long as you keep an open mind and realize that there is a possibility that this is not your son's child then you are being responsible and not hurting anyone. I realize that you feel it is your grandchild, but I can tell that you are open to the idea that it could not be yours. That is all that matters.

    Is there any way to do the paternity tests before the baby is born? I don't know anything about it. I sure hope there is. It is not fair to you or your son if there isn't. If you don't know until the child is born, you risk the chance of not being there when it is born and it's first few weeks of life. On the other hand, if you are there and don't know for sure then you will become attached and that is not fair either. It is a catch 22 situation. My advice to you and your son is that if there isn't a way to find out BEFORE the baby is born, that you do go ahead and go to the showers, birth and important events. Just keep in mind that there is a chance that it might NOT be yours. Enjoy the experience and cherish the life being born, but if it turns out it isn't yours, you will have the benefit of experiencing life, but not be too attached. If it turns out that it is his and yours of course too, then you can remember forever that you were both there for the experience of your grandchild and his son being born. If he misses it and it turns out to be his, he might regret it forever. I know you will.

    All I can tell you is that if you don't know for sure, just keep that in the back of your mind. Don't get to attached until you know for sure, but be involved. If it turns out it is not your blood relation, you will still be enriched by the event of new life and the baby will definitely be enriched by you, Marianne, being a part of his life. You can be his special Godmother even if not by blood. He can't go wrong with you in his life.

    I pray for your sake this baby is part of your family. Tell your son that it will work out and that if it is his you will be there with him 100%. Tell him that one day he will be ecstatic by the fact. If it turns out that it is not his, tell him that you still support him and that he needs to try to make sure this never happens again if he is not ready for it. It will turn out to be a life enriching and learning experience for him either way. I just don't want my sweet Doxy to be hurt by it. Please armour your heart just in case, but be open. Love you.
  4. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    Doxy, I just realized that I committed a faux pas in my post. If you want me to edit any part of it please tell me. I got carried away. Please respond as soon as you can. I will wait up.
  5. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I know what your saying.............but honestly I do not get the feeling at all that this girl is playing a game!

    If you had read the letter she wrote me, and talked to her I think it might be easier to know why I believe her............but I am going to keep an open mind and think and remember what you are saying.............I do need to prepare myself just in case!

    My son wouldn't be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO upset if he really didn't think it was his! He is a wreck because he is so scared it is his!!!!!!!!!

    I can't stand the thought of my son feeling so overwhelmed and depressed is killing me to watch and listen to him........

    we all make mistakes it is true but we also have to take responsibility for them as well!

    thank you for looking out for me Hangin, it is going to be interesting to see if the baby is ours after all!

    "Oh" her due date is FEB 23!!!!!!:)

    Love you

  6. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    ilike the way you are handling the situation...atleast you are coming forth all with good intentions and with judgement passed on will all come out in the end and yes we all make mistakes...but this is not anything you could not for give her for and you son if it is his own flesian blood...but we just have to 0hope for the best....that baby will be healthy and you sone will get over the depressed part of it when he sees that babe....and if it turns out it is not can all hold your heads up high with integrity. the other parent will be devasted if it is not your sons, but if it is she will have the respect for your family////

    you can not lose here all the way around...worse case you help a newborn child a little in this world...who knows maybe may get closer to that child anyways///

    good for you and your son that will make him a very good man with great character....


  7. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    Awwww, I didn't mean to make you cry. I was just being honest. This child cannot go wrong with you in his life. I will promise you this...if I am alive and well, (by well I mean alert and up LOL!) I WILL be sending you a gift for this baby. You just let me know when and if you feel comfortable with a gift being sent. I can't wait! Maybe it is the optimist in me, but something in me agrees with you that this is YOUR Grandbaby. I pray we are both right. Keep me up to date and let me know when the time is right. Love you precious lady!!
  8. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    bump for the ugly acting hubby! LOL
  9. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I`m happy you have a new grandchild but sorry you are in this difficult situation. If it was me I would go. If you don`t you are going to cause a big hurt to this girl and her family that will be there for years. It will be a big rift that will be hard to heal.

    My guess is your son is probably young and immature and will thank you someday. Right now he is being selfish and not fair to anyone else. Tell him the right thing to do is to be show some support for this mother. At the very least I would send a gift.Don`t burn any bridges here till you know who`s child this is.
    [This Message was Edited on 12/29/2005]
  10. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    I don't know what to tell you about this. I would surely want the paternity test done asap to determine if your son is the father or not. You just never know...

    Yes, it is bittersweet... :(

  11. Mamalovinit

    Mamalovinit New Member

    Maybe your son has recruited help from his dad. I don't think guys see things the way women do. If all your husband sees is the way it is affecting your son I don't think he will care much about the girls feelings. I have heard of men being jealous of babies. You know their the only ones that should be able to make you smile like that and put a bounce in your step. If I was you I would drop it with your men about this. I'm not saying to lie or not follow your heart. Just not talk to them about it. If they ask you what your doing tell them but don't volunteer the info. Play down the part about feeling like it's your grand baby with them. Just let them know you want to be kind to her like you wish someone would have been kind to you. Maybe they will not feel so threatened by that.
  12. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    Doxy, I just wanted to ask, is this son the one who has the OCD problems and emotional immaturity? If it is then I would have to disagree with the person who told you to rely on your son's judgement when he tells you to stay away from the girl. His maturity levels and all that could effect the way he feels about her and about being a father. If he is not the son, please disregard all of this. LOL!

    Either way, you do have to put your son first, but that doesn't mean you can't communicate with this girl and be aware of what is going on until you are sure who's baby it is. Tell your son that he is number one and that you will not make any decisions until you both know if he is the father. Tell him you just want to be up to date on the situation and touch base with the lady once in awhile to see how things are going. He needs to trust you and realize that you are only looking out for the future. He may not realize it now, but one day, IF the baby turns out to be his, he will be glad you participated in the baby's life. That way the child won't grow up and say, "My dad's family wasn't there for me when I was first born."

    I think you are handling everything perfect just the way you are doing so far. Trust yourself and you will be fine. It does sound like your husband may be a little jealous. He may also be worried sick that you will get hurt if this turns out not to be your grandchild. It just may be his way of protecting you. I don't know. I hope that is what it is. Love you.
  13. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    Thanks Doxy. I am so glad it is your older son. I think you are handling this just fine. I am not sure of your religious background, but to me it looks like you are treating this with the upmost caring, kindness and goodness that most religions follow. To me that is what being a good person is about. You are a kind and caring person and that is all that matters.
  14. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    This board does not approve of religious sermons or judgings. I cannot hold my tongue any longer. It is not fair to judge a person for being kind and willing to listen to another human being. Doxy is NOT abandoning her child. She is simply keeping an open mind just in case this is her grandchild. If it turns out this girl is "evil" then Doxy will know she reacted in a kind and loving way that is approved of by Jesus and other famous leaders such as Ghandi or Mother Teresa. As long as Doxy keeps in mind that this girl could be wrong and she doesn't flaunt it in her son's face there will be no harm. I wish more people in this world were like her.
  15. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    that is not fair to her even if the child is not your son's doxy...i thin you know that and understand it....

    we make mistakes. it doesnt sound as if they were really dating much at all if i got the sounds like they weren't that serious to begin with and emotions do get carried away....

    just be there for the baby and the baby's mother as much as you can take...get excited they are your feelings not anyone else's...

    i would suggest some counseling for your son or as a family...

    i think when the results comeback all will fll into place with you and your husband...she can not go after the grandparents for can only extend what you feel is comfortable with, monetarily or otherwise.

    we are not born with the skills to parents they are taught by our parents own beliefs and mistakes...i know i hvae made my own and i will probably hear about them when my son is in his mid 20's...that's my guess...but all i can say is is did my best with what i knew how....

    so if your son is a father to be for sure...i would encourage some parenting classes...they county may provide for free sometimes.....

    well anyways when it the due date of this child? i can't remember if you had said....

    i feel for the young lady and i hope she does find out who the father is of this child if it turns out that yor son is not...

    well i need to try to get to sleep soon

    by for now

  16. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i just re-rad your post and noticed yo mentioned girlfriend..i gotthe relationship.

    so anyways remember there are three sides the a story hi/hers/and the truth....

    i would say cousneling is in order for you son even if he is not the father. he has a lot of things to deal with from the past...and the quicker he deals with them the better he can provide for his child or future children.

    does he have a job? what is he doing with his life now? soon i would think he would be moving out of thehome if he is there already....

    he may have a whole lot of growing up to do quickly and i hope he doesn't get overwhelmed with this disruption right now...that is why if think counseling...

    my best

  17. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I just want to say I think your handling your situation beautifully. Just keep following your instinsts, God is leading you. You seem like a wonderful person, and I hope it all works out well for you and your family.

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