Grandma Doxy's update...............

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by doxygirl, Jan 22, 2006.

  1. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    Hi family,
    Some of you have been asking what has been going on with my son and the "pregnant" ex girlfriend!!!!!!

    So...............here's the latest................SATURDAY was the BIG day it was the "Mom to be's" shower.

    I met her( about a month ago ) and shared that with all of you, but for those of you who may have missed it , my very first face to face meeting went exceptionally well and her and I get seem to get along well "YAY"! It went so well that our lunch lasted four hours! :)

    I also called her once a few weeks ago, to let her know I'm thinking about her and to let her know I'm caring............ that went well too.......................

    Saturday was the baby shower, and it was a little hard for me.........imagine if you will....... walking into a room of approx 40 people and all of them are family, friends and co workers of the mom to be.............( all of them strangers to me )to them Iam the Mom of the person they are all angry with "the father"! All of them have heard "her" side of the story...........not one of them has heard my son's!

    However, I was pleasantly surprised how warm and friendly most of them were to me, and a few of them even went the extra mile to tell me they really liked me and thought it was very BIG of me to be supportive and to show up!

    Many of them also said they could just see me beaming and the happiness showing about my grandson! "COHEN"! :)They thought that was GREAT!

    I could tell it was hard for the "momma to be" I really think she was hoping and wishing that my son would come with me( so was I) ( this shower was both men and women) she seemed a little sad and overwhelmed! But was for the most friendly to me!

    Her mom came over and sat with me for a little while and we got to talking, ( I have the "gift of gab" thank goodness!)she was very nice and we got along well, in fact are alike in some ways...............BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT she did start in on me about my son just a little bit.....................

    This is hard enough for me, and IAM TRYING THE BEST I KNOW HOW TO AND IAM TRYING HARD!..........I cannot control how my son feels about this situation only HE can change that!( I didn't say this to her mom, I'm just explaining to everyone here)

    I tried to tell her, that he needs to know " FIRST" that it IS his child before he makes any attachments! (Little do any of them know that Iam talking and trying to help my son through this and believe it or not GOD is softening his heart!) "YAY"

    and she said "my daughter wouldn't lie........... " my daughter isn't paying one dime for a test........ do you know how much it is going to cost your son to "KNOW FOR SURE" !

    I did NOT want it to turn into a confrontation........ Iam involved because the "mom to be" and her mother adimately asked me to be more than once.......

    I am involved because of COHEN MATTHEW and because I want to be a part of his life! MY GRANDSON!:)

    There is an innoccent little baby involved and this is about HIM and HIM only !!!!!in my heart anyway!

    I got to see Cohen's nursery at his home, and almost everyone gave me a hug good bye "YAY"....

    so I left on very good terms................I also made it clear that I want to be called immediately when the "momma to be" goes into labor, they assured me I WILL be called!

    So............it is really going very well in my eyes, it is not going to be easy............but I think everything will be ok!

    My son is fine with me being involved.........he honestly seems to be relieved that Iam...........him and I have had a few very "progressive and postive" talks........

    I see that he is starting to accept that this might be his baby.....BUT I am going to support him in the paternity test, because he did catch her kissing HIS friend and that was BEFORE she got pregnant........ so I do NOT think he is asking too much to know for SURE!

    I honestly think that is what is bothering him the most......................he just isn't sure!

    This morning I was thinking about this entire situation.................................

    when we "women" get pregnant, one of the FIRST things we do is take a pregnancy test right? WE CONFIRM !

    This girl always( when her and my son dated) talked about having kids and her dream is to open a day care center, she also has been a nanny twice( that is one of the reasons they broke up.... because my son wasn't wanting children like her)....she also lied to him and told him she was on birth control and now admits she "really" wasn't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    S.......................o for her this is something she is happy about and wanted........but for my son it is an accident and NOT something he wanted............

    Now..................... in all fairness he needs to have his CONFIRMATION and time to accept and take responsibility for this.......
    It just isn't easy for him when it is something he really isn't happy about................. it is going to take him a lot longer to accept and hopefully one day be happy about!

    I completly understand both my son and "the momma to be's" side of the story........ and think that THEY should talk and be civil for COHEN'S sake!

    If you pray please keep my son and "the momma to be" and most of all Baby boy Cohen in your prayers........I know GOD can create miracles and Iam praying for one here!

    Love and hugs
    Doxy

    P.S. I can't wait to share the birth of Cohen with you all, and post his picture!

    Sorry this is so long.............The momma to be also gave me a gift that she said is from "Cohen" it is an angel plaque and this is what it says....................


    Great lady
    Ready to listen
    Always understanding
    Naturally loving
    Dearest friend
    Magnificent cook
    Angel in disguise

    Read all of the "first" letters of each sentence from top to bottom "GRANDMA" (sorry to say that when she gave this to me and I read it I started crying)! "Wah crying Doxy grandma) LOL tears of joy! :)
    [This Message was Edited on 01/22/2006]
  2. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    What a wonderful thing to hear. I will keep all of the family in my prayers, and I know that Cohen will have the best Grandma Doxy ever. You are such a loving person and a real blessing to all the family, what a blessing you will be to Cohen.

    I admire you so much!

    Having granchildren is a lot of fun. It's so nice to see them learn things and grow up. You will find that out with Cohen. I have a friend who was in the same situation. She now sees her grandaughter every day. Picks her up after work, keeps her on weekends. I know that the mother of the daughter is really appreciative. And the father is very involved in the life of the child as well.

    Everything will work out well for Cohen. Please believe that.

    L, Jeannette
  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    what can i say....you rose above it all...

    i would have done it the same way as you did...

    i have a son and have told him or warned him about girls or women like her...referring don't beleive them if they say they are on the pill...and he should always use the condoms and yes accidnets happen but all he can say is he did the best he could do....

    well good luck and i hope they all contact you w/the birth of cohen...

    love you my friend

    jodie
  4. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    Doxy I am so glad you went to the shower. I know it must have been scary. I am glad it went good for the most part. I am a little perturbed at the other Grandma to be for kind of jumping on you like that. It wasn't appropriate and it wasn't the time to do it. She must not have any sons. I don't even have a son, but I have enough sense to know that we can't trust our children to always tell the truth. Her daughter could very well have lied to her and she would have never known. Men can't just trust women when they say a child is theirs. I have watched enough Maury to know that. (Sorry I had to put a little humor in there.) Seriously though, if she kissed his friend while they were dating he has every right to doubt her just a little. Heck men should not blindly trust anyone, we are all imperfect and make mistakes. Even the most pure and sweet girls might cheat.

    I hate to sound so negative about the world but that is just the way humans are.

    On to the positive though, I do feel in my heart and pray for your sake that it is his baby. I just wanted to let you know that I didn't agree with that lady expecting your son to blindly trust her daughter. I see your son's point and I hope he will participate some in the baby's life just in case it is his. That way he will never feel he missed out.

    Anyway, I am so glad you had a good time and that you are so excited. I just feel this is going to turn out good for you and your son. I bet once he finds out it is his he will be happy. The first time he holds it knowing it is his son he will probably melt.

    Love you hon and hope you are doing well! Keep us updated on what's going on. I can't wait to see a picture of Cohen when he is born.
  5. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    Wow! You are really in a precarious situation, and from what I've read, you are doing a marvelous job of building bridges with your grandson's mother while supporting and not burning bridges with your son. Well done, Doxy.

    I will pray that all of this will work out for the best, the test will be completed, and whatever happens you will be able to handle it with as much grace and love as you are now.

    Love,
    Sue
  6. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    just read your story and SO SO happy that everything is going this smoothly for all concerned. I know how you are feeling.....please believe me I do!

    You are doing so good!! You are connecting with the family...and you will be a part of it all. I am SO glad for that. You are bonding with the mom to be and she will KEEP you there.

    She sees what kind of lady that you are...and that is what matters....and will keep her family in check because she will want you there.

    I am sure it will all work out with your son. Just keep the communication as you have... and it will work out.

    He is so blessed to have you for a mother!

    God bless....MamaR


    [This Message was Edited on 01/23/2006]
  7. atiledsner

    atiledsner New Member

    I too agree with all those that have written to support you.Good for you girl!!!!!!!!I think you handled the other Grandmothers comments very well.I do think it was an inappropiate time for the other Grandmother to make her comments.I know you have had some trying times in the past few weeks. I just want you to be prepared for everything.Just a what if......I'ts NOT his baby? I can tell you are looking so forward to the birth of this child and rightly so.It is shocking and overwhelming what some of my grandaughters tell about their friends at age 13.Just be prepared for anything.How are you going to feel if this is not your sons child.Do you still want to have a relationship with this girl? Just from what I've read from your posts, I know you want what's the best for everyone.Don't forget to take care of yourself.My prayers go out for you and yours.Dianne
  8. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    maybe i am wrong...we mothers of sons grew up with females for friends and school...i think we have all met someone that has tricked someone just to have a baby...

    doxy son has the right to ask for a paternity test and if i wee the young lady that is pregnant i would not expect anyless..

    i will be supportive of the whole family...

    we are all good friends here on the board and are all excited to see this baby born healthy to a loving family...

    the da's office will contact him for child support if she files for it...she may say she doesn't know who the father is....i have a neighbor that has done...and well she didn't want to deal with child support...father is still in the child's life and does give hard cold cash to the mother on top of his tanf...which is not right in my book but what can i do..

    so anyways..when the da's office contacts him for child support and if, then he can request a paternity test and i believe the county will pay for it...i had a friend that had the father try to deny it so they made him to do a paternity test...it was to bide him time so he could leave the state...

    i am not saying this is what doxy's son will do i do not think he will and i don't know him at all...

    let's all pray for a joyous occasion for everyone...

    hugs to you


    jodie
    [This Message was Edited on 01/23/2006]
  9. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    It is all about Cohen, and his sweet little innocent self!
    He asked for none of this!
    Please keep us informed about his arrival!
    You asked for prayer's and I can certainly do that for ya, but will you do the same for me? :)
    My middle son and DIL have been trying to have a baby, he has been married, twice before(complete nightmares) anyway, he long's for a child, but never had any.
    He and she both are 29 y/o. We really love this DIL, and hope and pray for a grandchild. They are going to a well known fertility clinic, with a high success rate!
    They will have to do AI because my son has a high S count, but (his little soldiers are marching fast enough)LOL...in fact they may be using canes LOLLOLLOL
    Please pray it all goes perfect!
    I will be praying that Cohen is really y'alls sweetpea too!
    Hugz, to one G'ma from another~ Karen ;)
    [This Message was Edited on 01/23/2006]
  10. silky17

    silky17 New Member

    I just wanted to let you know that my daughter and her ex went through the same thing. My babys daddy took over a paternity test and had my grandson put his saliva on a qtip and I believe he tried to get her on a sly and found ou that he WAS his child. So it isn't a hard test to do. I believe it was $162.00. He had to send it through the mail and had specific instructions on what to do. I was so happy to know that he was his. Just because he was not being a stand up dad. His mother has been a saint with our grandson and provided way more than she should have. I am sure you would be the same way if you had the opportunity.

    Good luck to you and your son and new grandbaby. They are wonderful. They can bring you to smile on the darkest of days.

    Good luck and God bless to you and yours,
    Debbie

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