Grandma Doxy's update

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by doxygirl, Jun 28, 2006.

  1. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    Hi everyone! :)

    I know that some of you wanted to know why I cannot see Cohen anymore...............

    It is such a long story and so much has happened........so I will put it in a nut shell

    I have worked so hard to bulid a bond with Cohens mom,& the other Grandma ( they live together )

    I have never, ever spoke even one unkind word to either of them...........in fact I have been supportive, bought diapers, formula, clothes, etc..........my husband and I have even taken them to dinner more than once,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,in other words I thought I had proved to them that Iam a good, person with good morals and values.............and a Grandmother that loves Cohen to pieces!

    I truly thought I have done a GREAT job trying to make this work! Because that is what I truly want is for all of us to get along! BUT..............................

    Cohens mom has had her hopes up since she got pregnant .........that she and my son would get back together....................her final hope was when the paternity test results came back.............

    When she realized that ...........that was NOT going to happen,.............. she got so upset that she had to be taken off of work and her mom told me that "My son made her so upset that she got streep throat"

    My son has made it clear to her that he wants to be a father to Cohen........but does NOT want to be with her in any way shape or form!

    She and her mom for the last 6 months have told me that is all they wanted from him was to be a Dad to Cohen........now that he has the paternity test and WANTS to love and be a GOOD Dad to Cohen they won't let him!

    What I see here is that he won't be with Cohens mom so they won't let us see Cohen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    What Iam trying to say is " Iam being punished because my son isn't in love with her, and won't be with her..........she says she wants them to raise Cohen together as a couple and my son is "SO" not on the same page!

    My son has filed all of the papework for joint custody of Cohen( because the mom has made it clear that if he isn't with her he can't see Cohen at all!

    Iam proud of my son for taking responibilty .............and realize that he really was just trying to protect he and Cohens hearts in case Cohen wasn't his...............

    he has since the paternity test told me he was scared to death of being hurt and finding out Cohen wasn't his! He didn't want to get attached and then get hurt!

    Iam just heart broken and miss Cohen so much! He responds to me and his smile makes my heart skip a beat!

    The court mediator will try to get them to come to a mutual agreement......................that meeting is in once month and if she ( the mom fights my son ) they have to go to court and that wont be until the middle of august!

    I have spent so many nights crying and hoping and praying that my son would try to get back with this girl ............mostly because in my gut I just knew if he didn't this exact thing would happen just as it has!

    I want for all of us to get along and be on friendly terms...............but I guess maybe for that "I have been in dream land"!

    I know in time this will work out...............I know eventually I WILL see Cohen.........it just hurts so bad right now.........I miss my Grandson so much it hurts! It has been two weeks since I've seen him and it feels like eternity!

    Thanks for reading...........I will keep you posted!

    XO
    Doxy
  2. LittleBluestem

    LittleBluestem New Member

    Since your son has the positive paternity results, can he get some kind of temporary visitation enforced until the court date? It doesn’t seem right that the mother gets everything her way until the court date.
  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    parents involved in the childs life...as much as possible...
    i think you all live close by so that is even better...

    i know your son can put a sort of injunction to where the mother can not move more than 50 miles away from the father...so i would try for that for now...

    of if your does not have a bad rap sheet then he should be getting like every other weekend w.baby and spednding time in the summers with him...or all summer...it is what the parents decide tpo agree upon...

    they try to stay out of court as much as possible costs the county $$$..

    wel stay tough

    jodie
  4. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Your son sounds like a responsible young man, who is doing the right thing.
    I don't think they can legally prevent him from seeing his son unless they could prove he was unfit or something.
    I would not want to see him marry this girl if he does not love her. He will have legal rights irregardless. It is great he wants
    to be in Cohen's life. The mother sounds very immature and vindictive. Yes, it is sad but your son will one day marry someone he really loves, that is a true marriage.
    It would not be so great for Cohen to be raised in a household where mom and dad don't love each other.
    My step daughter is currently going through a divorce and has always been in a loveless marriage. I can't begin to describe the pain this caused.
    Because her husband was unhappy and always felt trapped, the kids, now 6 and 8, grew up listening to argueing. Her husband, so unhappy began drinking and gambling.
    He even yelled in front of the kids he never wanted to be married or have kids. The school calls sometimes to report the kids cry at school.
    The most important thing now is Cohen's happiness.
    If your son and the mother could agree on that maybe things would improve, but based on what you say, she sounds to be thinking of her own needs.
    Maybe she invisions being married to your son and one big happy family.
    Even if your son did marry her, eventually he would feel so unhappy. What makes a marriage survive is love.
    When the bad times come, truly "in love", married people make it.
    Your son sounds like a honorable, good man. In his heart he knows the right thing to do. You must be very proud of him. Cohen will always be his son. One day he will meet his true love and marry.
    I wish him all the best
    This experience will make him grow up fast.
  5. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    For so much good information!


    I appreciate all the support and honesty!

    I would like to add to my post that my son has already done a lot of the things you have suggested here...........

    he "has" responded to the court and accepted responsibility as far as the child support order.

    He started saving his money in may when he first got served papers for child support so he is now "CURRENT" with his payments!

    Secondly, the court has already told him if he is granted joint custody the mom of Cohen "OWES MY SON MONEY"!!!!!!!She has a very good job and makes good money!

    My son of course, is NOT going to take her money!

    And although Iam sure she would take it in a second from him, I agree with him that he should not take it from her...

    My son has NEVER been in any trouble......has no records...........does NOT do drugs etc........he is clean!

    He is also a GOOD person..........Iam certain that the judge will see this..........and give him some visitation...........

    he is fine with it starting out little by little............what he is against, is her NOT letting us have Cohen at all!!!!!!

    Everytime I have ever seen Cohen, I too have been monitored and supervised and to be quite honest I am pretty sure I could take very good care of Cohen withour them having to supervise! :)

    The other Grandmother has told me twice now that she is afraid that Cohen will love me more than her because she has to take care of him and disipline him..........and I will be nice to him because I won't be with him like her

    I hope that Cohen loves us both the same!, this is not about competetion to me, it is about a little boy who deserves to have the love from all the people who love him..........myself included!

    PVLady thank you so much for your beautiful post..........my son "IS" in love! :) He and his beautiful girl "April" are planning on getting married in about a year.........she is not only beautiful outside, she is beautiful inside and I have NO doubt will love Cohen just like her own!

    Iam happy for my son that he is truly happy and in love.......... that is all I ever want for all 3 of my boys............I just want everything to be ok.........and everyone else to be happy too!

    One of the weaknesses I have is that I always want to "FIX" everything so everyone will be happy.........what I can't seem to get through to my brain is that I simply cannot make everyone happy or always fix other peoples problems!

    So............tomorrow Cohens mom is getting served with papers from the court requesting joint custody..........please pray for her..........although my son doesn't love her.......I still care about her, and it makes my heart sad that this is going to hurt her! I don't care what has occured I DO have a heart and I do not want Cohen's mom to be hurt and sad!

    Thank you again to all of you for your support, suggestions, and most of all for loving me!

    XO
    Doxy
    [This Message was Edited on 06/29/2006]
  6. jenemc

    jenemc New Member

    Also, make sure his child support goes thru the courts and that way there will be prove he paid it. My hubby made that mistake and now he is having to pay back child support because he couldn't prove he paid it.

    jennie
  7. LittleBluestem

    LittleBluestem New Member

    If Cohen’s mom refuses the request for joint custody when it is served tomorrow, how long will it take all of this to work it’s way through the courts? As long as the mom can keep your son away simply by not agreeing to anything, she is not going to agree to anything. That expedited motion for visitation that dncnfngrs wrote about sounds like it might be useful.
  8. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    The father of a child, even an unborn child has exactly the same rights as the mother. This is a legal issue. If he is paying child support, then there is no way this woman can prevent him from seeing this child, unless she can prove neglect, abuse or other serious issues, even then, the father has rigths for supervised visitation.

    As a grandparent you also have some rights that you can exercise in a court of law.

    I am realy thankful that this girl is NOT wiht your son as she is far too manipulative having been taught to be this way by the mother. I recall all of the history here, and quite frankly, YOU could apply for custody with the background at the mom's home BTW.

    Missed seeing you here. Don't get yourself ill. You did all the right and decent things, this girl was clearly just being nice to you to get your son back in her life.

    Can you afford a legal support or does your town have pro bono lawyer? I would have your son do more than file papers, he definately needs legal represehtation as these court papers get shuffles through.

    As you know, we are very familiar with the whole system due to having had so many foster kids. The system will not offer you things automatically you will have to really stand up for your rights as dancnfngrs has done (see her posts you missed while off computer)if you all want this little boy in your lives.

    Love and blessings,

    Anne Cromwell
  9. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    IF HE BUYS CLOTHING OR DIAPERS FOR HIM HE CAN TAKE THAT OFF HIS CHILD SUPPORT OWED....


    sorry didn'realize i had caps..not screaming here

    and the courts will more than like garnsih his wages anyways...and he can submit a check directly to the local child suport office....and all child support is now getting processed out sacremento..new federal law...

    there is a website on it...

    jodie