Grandparents babysitting?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by kellygirl, Apr 13, 2010.

  1. kellygirl

    kellygirl Member

    I was wondering how many of us grandparents are watching our grandkids? I answered a post on the FMS board and that question came to mind.

    I struggle with my 21 pound grandson and was wondering how many others are also watching their grandkiddies while the parents work?

    The benefits of having that bond with my grandson outweigh the physical issues I am experiencing.
  2. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I don't have grandbabies yet... I was going to say I can't wait, but need to wait til my son is a little older!

    I think I read someone saying they were having a difficult time having to tell their daughter they couldn't help much longer - I'm not sure if it was you or not.

    Anyway, I can answer from a daughter's point of view. I have an INCREDIBLE Mom. She has always been extremely close to my two boys - especially when they were babies. The bond was unbelievable.
    I never had her babysit for me however. There were a couple of days here and there when she would watch them for a couple of hours, but she never kept them on a regular basis. I felt it was too important for her to have her life. She deserved it.

    I think if I ever asked her, she would have said yes, but truthfully I just wouldn't have put her in that position. The times they had together was very special -she looked forward to having them/seeing them.

    I think that if Grandparents want to watch their grandkids that's great - but if it causes ANY hardships at all, then the parents (your children) have to realize that you've already done your part (with them). I'm sure that would be difficult to address, but imperative.

    Especially for all of us on this site, we obviously have some obstacles, health issues etc.
    I would hope that if my kids needed my help for a short period of time- maybe while they found a permanent solution, I could help them.

    How old is your grandson? I had huge babies, both my boys were over 20 lbs at 6 months - not easy to carry around!!
  3. kellygirl

    kellygirl Member

    My grandson will be a year old next month and is over 21 pounds now. Yes, it is difficult but if it continues to get worse with the pain, I will have her drop him here, though it is way out of her way getting to work. But, I am saving them a lot of $$$$.

    You are very caring and sensitive. Your mother is very fortunate to have you :).
  4. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    There are a lot of grandparents raising g-children. Don't see how they do it. I have a 14month old grandson that I adore. When he was 1st born, I could help my daughter out more. The biggest issue was the 2hr drive to where they live. She's asked me several times to come babysit so they can enjoy a night ov. At this point I simply can't do it. I make no apologies for that. One thing older age has given me is the ability to say "no" guilt-free. To whatever. They don't wear my body and can't understand but I don't see where that is my problem. Took me a long time to get here. I will admit to being shocked when a poster (sorry my memory fails me) said she gives her dd money to pick up the g-kids on time. Please dont misunderstand...Im not judging here, it just seemed yet another case of a family member not understanding. IMHO if someone else is willing to watch YOUR children, especially for free- you should thank your lucky stars. Just bc we adore those grandkids doesnt mean we're built-in babysitters. Give yourself permission to say no. Its ok. Really. And I hope I havent offended anyone. Thats not my intention. Rebecca
  5. kellygirl

    kellygirl Member

    I'm taking it one day at a time and when the time comes that I can't do it anymore, then I will have no choice but to say no.

    I would love to hear from others on this topic.
  6. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    I watched my grandkids for over 10yrs. That was about 3yrs ago.

    I also had the misconception that it was worth the increasing physical issuses it caused. Please don't take me wrong,loved every min of it.

    Then the day came when it was no longer push and crash it was just crash. Sad part is they don't remember me watching them alot from birth on,they just want grandma to do things now... Now I'm lucky if I get to see them more than once a month or attend any functions. No more sleepovers etc.

    Wish I had know more about this dd then. Would have not done so much and relealized they need you more when they are older.

    good luck
  7. kellygirl

    kellygirl Member

    I know the day is coming where I am going to have to set some rules, such as not having to drive to their house, it is easier at my own house, one floor, mobile home in a retirement community and close to a nice park.

    And decreasing the time.....I know what I have to do.

    This is my middle child that has always been a challenge from baby on up to 35 years old. The great manipulator, yet I love her and I can feel her pain when she has these challenges with her job and the baby.

    Feeling guilty I could not give my kids as much material things as their friends had, blah, blah, blah...the mother's guilt thing.

  8. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    That mothers guilt only too well. My older 3 kids lived a much different life than my 9yo son (who I had at age 42) has. I think that guilt keeps me held hostage in regards to my 24yo daughter and 20yo son. Both deal with un or under-treated mental issues stemming from living with their father. Hence my guilt...for not getting him out of our lives sooner. But thats all a very long story. As women who love our families we tend to dododoand do for others and little for ourselves. My 26yo who has my grandbaby talks about her "me time" and I had no idea what that was when they were young. Especially if raising kids under challenging circumstances...we will find a way to compensate for that. I know I did. Its hard to say no sometimes...I had to train myself to do that. Now my daughter makes the long drive here and she and her husband take advantage of what is local to enjoy an evening out. I dont have to climb stairs and its just easier all around. Took awhile to get here.
  9. kellygirl

    kellygirl Member

    Yeah, your right, the "Me" time, I didn't know of that either. I was guilted because I wanted to rock my baby, "your spoiling her". forcing potty-training too early and not listening to my own instincts, my daughter developed a problem with the bowels and anxiety.

    I didn't know how to love them the way I love my grandson. I emotionally loved them but the physical part, I didn't know how, it wasn't done for me. When I see how much he enjoys a hug, I am guessing it must feel really good to him. I know I enjoy that he likes me to hug him. As a grandparent, I don't feel the need to rush and do other things when I am with him. I just enjoy our time together. Now I can see what people would say about grand-parenting, the pressure isn't there as when we were trying to raise our own family.

    The good news is my kids and I can talk about it today, which I couldn't do with my parents. I apologize, of course, more than once because I still feel the guilt.

    My kids are all doing well and have work ethics. They weren't given a lot materially and had to put themselves through college.

    The circle has been broken. I realize though the generations before us were more about survival. At least one of my grandparents was a breaker boy in the mines. Imagine having to put your little son in a place like that.

  10. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    What a breaker boy is. Ill have to google it. If it pertains to mining though, it cant be good. Hard, dangerous job. It was so important to me that regardless of what we were going through that my kids knew that I loved them. I didnt have that as a child and it was paramount to me that they knew. Life was so hard after their father started abusing drugs and my guilt is enormous. Like yourself, I spent time making amends and apologizing. My 9yo son was spared that trauma thank goodness. I finally woke up. He benefits from my older age in the sense that stuff I used to think was a big deal just isnt. I thank God every day that my daughter is in a good marriage to a hard working man and shes able to stay home with their son. A luxury not everyone can afford. Thus, I can be "just" grandma and dont have to step into the role of caregiver. I dont see how those that do, do it. I admire those people so much. I can only imagine the challenges. Especially when you have health issues. Strong, determined people. Your kids are lucky to have you.
  11. kellygirl

    kellygirl Member

    That's a good way of putting it.
  12. kellygirl

    kellygirl Member

    Yes, the breaker boys were in the mines as little boys on up and they sat above the chute picking the slate from the coal and their hands would bleed. A day came when they started wearing gloves, I don't know if the fingers were out of them or not. Some boys had a man standing over them with a stick, too, watching them.

    Imagine having to let go of your child to a job like that? Breaks your heart.

    People tour the mansions in town and are in awe. They were the coal barons and the miners lived in wood houses in the coal towns they built them and they had to use the company store where they controlled the prices. It was the immigrants that came over and worked the mines and railroads.

    I took care of a man that had the black lung from the mines and he told me when the white and black men went into the mine, everyone was black, you couldn't tell what color a man was.

    A lot of the mules never saw daylight that were in the mines.

    It's a shame a lot of the younger generations do not know what was sacrificed for them to have a better life.

    I just recently learned what the women during the suffrage movement endured, I never knew the ridicule they had to endure so women could vote.

    We need to keep educating the children of the history so it is not lost and hopefully not repeated.