I'm new here so I guess I should explain where I am coming from. My husband and I raised our granddaughter from the time she was born until our daughter married when she was 4. We were very close and she was Papa's Girl. I worked when our own daughter was that age so I really got into the grandma stuff and we had a glorious time. After the wedding, we started noticing that our new son in law wanted our granddaughter and daughter all to himself. He moved them out of the area stating at the time that we had too much influence over our daughter and they needed to be a family. Eventually, after several moves, they moved back to this area because of finances. I was overjoyed at the prospect of spending time with daughter and granddaughter but we always seemed to be left out. No invites for birthdays. Too busy to spend Christmas or Thanksgiving, etc. Within the first two years of their marriage, he had alienated not only my parents but my husband's parents as well and all of the aunts, uncles, cousins. No one cared for him and they generally describe him as "a bully" especially with children. I was finally able to talk my daughter into allowing our granddaughter to spend the night with us after Christmas last year during the winter break. Our granddaughter confided in me something so horrifying that I immediately called my husband downstairs to hear what she said and we called our daughter to come over pronto to explain. She insisted it was not true and couldn't be true. When they left, I called the mental health hotline and explained the situation, telling them that our granddaughter had no medical coverage and was there a way that my husband and I could pay for counselling for her. One thing led to another and it ended up being reported to CPS who turned it over to the local sheriff's department. To make a long story short... our son in law was arrested, our granddaughter came to live with us since she could not be in the same household with him while awaiting trial. Two days before the trial (which was scheduled for July 7), he made a deal for a lesser charge of 4th degree assault and avoided the trial which we had all been subpeonaed (sp?) for. He was given a fine. As soon as he returned home, he told me I would never see my granddaughter again. I have not seen or talked to either my daughter or granddaughter since and according to what he told my mother 3 nights ago, I never will as long as he is alive. He also told her that the only reason I turned him in is because I wanted to stop his adopting our granddaughter and I had cost him a lot of money in lawyer fees. None of us was even aware that he WAS in the process of adopting her. He would never have let us know this because he wouldn't have wanted us to know till after it was all finished. I have been crying and thinking about this whole situation since July. There is not a day goes by that I don't make myself sick crying. I can't sleep. When I do sleep, I wake up thinking about it. I am already on paxil and diazepam for depression before this started because of health problems including diabetes and IBS and liver and kidney disease. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get my diabetes under control now. The doctor says it is emotional stress that is doing it. I feel like I am a bad mother. How could I not be? My daughter doesn't love me anymore and has no desire to speak with me or see me. Sometimes I think maybe she never did. I just don't know anymore. I have all these self doubts. I know my granddaughter loves me still. She made a card for grandparents day and my daughter called my son and asked him to tell my husband to come over for a surprise that our granddaughter had for him. When he got there, she handed him the card, which was made out to him only. Our granddaughter leaned over and whispered that it was for me too. At her little brother's 3rd birthday party, she sent a message to me that she loved me through my mother in law. She will be 8 years old in January. She is old enough to remember me and she must be wondering what is happening to her family. She must be in great turmoil. I worry about her safety but my sister in law says that our son in law would never dare to lay another finger on the child and that I should take comfort in the fact I probably saved her life. Sometimes, I think it is worse than if they had died because I know that they are alive and within walking distance and there are so many reminders each and every day. But this crying and depression has got to stop. It's destroying my health. I wish there was a pill you could take to just forget. I don't want to live the rest of my life this way. It's got to stop. The heartache is just too much. I get to feeling very guilty, too, because sometimes I pray he would die. I just want to be happy just one day. Even just part of a day.