grief of son's sucicide

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by trixxi, Dec 9, 2006.

  1. trixxi

    trixxi New Member

    how do i make it through christmas this year my son hung himself in August. i am retiring teaching. when i go top the stores, i have to leave from crying about eric being gone. i am bedridden most of the time from fm
  2. decrepitoldoot

    decrepitoldoot New Member

    Dear Trixxi;
    I know what you mean. The holidays are always bad after a loss of a loved one.
    I know that I do not have the right words of comfort but you do have my sincere condolences and may the Lord stretch forth his hand of mery and comfort unto you and give you a peace in your mind and spirit this Christmas Season.
    May God bless you.
    Frank
  3. mollystwin

    mollystwin New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. It will be a tough Christmas for you for sure. Just remember that God loves Eric and you and perhaps that will help you get through it.

    ((((hugs))))
  4. BethM

    BethM New Member

    Sending peace and love to you, trixxi. I am so very sorry you are dealing with such grief and loss. I hope you have people around you who can hold you and support you.

    After my dad passed away in December 2002, my Mom went to a grief support group through her medical group. That helped her, although December and the holidays are still difficult for her (and me, too).

    Be good to yourself, please try not to isolate yourself from friends and family. You need their support. Ok?

    wishing you peace,
    Beth.
  5. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    This will be a tough Christmas for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
  6. kbak

    kbak Member

    Dear Trixxi,
    I am soooooo sorry!!

    The hardest thing in the world is losing a child, but what makes it so much harder is a suicide. Please don't try to cope with this by yourself.

    Have you considered grief counseling at all? I think trying to work this out by yourself is extremely difficult.

    I hope people are being understanding that you might not be able to deal with the holiday's right now. There is no magic cure for the way your feeling. Healing is a long painful process.

    If your not coping well then please reach out to someone to help you. I know your suffering must be terrible right now. There are many places that can help you through this.

    Call Mental Health, or Salvation Army, they have people that will gladly help or can refer you. I'm saying a prayer for you right now. It's not much but it's something I can do.

    Long distance HUG!

    kbak
  7. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I am so very sorry. My prayers are with you and your family.

    Love, Mikie
  8. krchamp

    krchamp New Member

    This will be the first Christmas without my cousin. We were very close more like brother and sister. He died in October. I know it is very hard to go on after such a tragedy. I just wanted you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Kristi
  9. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    The holidays are so hard after you have lost someone you love. I pray that you have support and know that you can come here any time.

    Kathy
  10. painintheeverywhere

    painintheeverywhere New Member

    My sweet niece died of affixiation two months before her forteenth birthday. It was an accident that shocked us beyond belief. I still feel that I am holding my breath when I speak of it.

    Nobody will ever feel the love that you felt. The hurt and the blatent disbelief of it actually happening.

    One place that I have gathered strength to get through the trauma is by strengthening my faith. I do have faith that our sweet beautiful babies are here on loan to us and when God needs them back he chooses the time, place and way they will leave our lives. I also believe that as awful as the situation is to us on earth...it is not awful in heaven. Our babies are always welcomed into the Kingdom of the Heavens and no matter how we hurt and process the pain of loss...they are not sad or feeling loss where they are. We, after time have to trust that they are living the life meant for all of us. They are happy, without doubt, without saddness, without pain. If we knew for sure...we would Celebrate.

    Love & Peace to you Trixxi

    Your baby is loved forever and wants you to be alright!

    Jane
  11. joeb7th

    joeb7th New Member

    Just trying to be there with you right now. Asking God...to take care of you and Eric.
  12. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member

    Trixxi, I do not know how to make it through Christmas, but please know I am praying for you and your family.

    Love June
  13. cathugs

    cathugs New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine
    what you are going through. I don't think any one knows without
    experiencing the pain and grief.

    However, my sister lost her only child to suicide
    a few months ago. He was twenty five.

    I have walked almost every step with her, been there
    for her, been on the phone for hours at a time letting
    her pour out her grief. Yet, I still cannot under stand
    the grace of God that has been bestowed on her.

    We also lost our baby brother to suicide in march
    of 2004.

    I know words are small comfort, but, my mother who
    has been deceased many years always said "The GOOD lORD WILL NEVER GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN BEAR"

    I don't have the words to comfort you, but know my heart goes out to you. The holidays are really hard to get through.

    My sister has joined a support group on line , called
    parent's of suicide. She says it has been a Godsend for her
    because every body on there is dealing with the same thing.

    This may be of some help to you. May God bless and comfort you during this sad time.

    Sending lots of hugs ((((((cathugs)))))
  14. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Is is possible for you to go to a support group for others who have also been through this? I cannot imagine you coping with such a tragedy without help...

    Anyone in the world would be grief stricken, especially at the holidays.

    If you have not seen a therapist I would also try that. I have seen therapists in the past and you can get some good help.

    I suggest interviewing at least three before deciding on one (if you go that direction).

    I am so sorry this happened...

    The online grief support might also be a start for you.


    [This Message was Edited on 12/09/2006]
  15. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Trxxi,
    I don't have the answer for you as I don't know how you feel. I have not walked in your shoes but I have lost loved ones , my Daddy , he passed away 9 days before I was to be 13, I have lost grandparents my inlaws and dear friends.

    When my grandpa was sick and wanted to leave this life he would often talk about how he wanted and find his wife ,my grandma , he often said that he hoped that there were horse's in heaven as he wanted to take Maudie for a buggy ride.


    I din't know your son and who he was going to be. but I know that in my own thoughts that maybe he would want you to find some happiness in life now. He is not in any pain and I know that he must have loved you so much. Find that place in your heart where he still dwells and tell him how you miss him and then tell him how you feel.

    You are such a sweet women and I am hoping that you find a way to make this christmas a happy one. Try to find a child that needs some attention and love and share that love for your son with another child. I do know that the love of a child will always make you feel better and much happier.

    You are so blessed to have so many friends who care about you and how you feel. Know that you are loved and that God does not give us more than we can handle. EVen though it is hard to do. AS I said I have not lost a child but I did lose a dear dear friend to susicde and even tho it has been several years since he left me I still grieve for him and wonder why?

    He was so sweet and was my soul mate and no we were not that kind of friends. But he was some one who I shared my thoughts, dreams , hopes and all the things I wanted out of life. And he did the same with me. When he left so suddenly I felt so alone and so lost. But I knew that I had to go on without him .

    Yes it was hard but I had to move on and not stay there where that pain was. I Love him so much and I still miss him alot. He is not here today and I can't bring him back . He will always hold a special place in my heart. AS I know your son does in yours. May the lord bless and keep you .

    Life goes on as we must do. try to find some peace and remember that you are loved by him and by friends & family as well.
    Bless you this christmas season and I pray that you will find some peace and joy in this time of year.
    LOve,
    Rosemarie
  16. jodboga

    jodboga New Member

    I am so sorry for your loss ,i have lost my father and my brother . My brother was only 18 at the time . Now I have my own children and my son reminds me of my brother . My son will be 18 in Feb . I'm so afraid everytime he leaves the house . I know this is not good but its hard to stop thinking about things like that . Now I think to myself My father and brother are in a much better place , there are in heaven with God . At least there they have each other .I do know it help some to talk about it ...even only for awhile . My prayers are with you .
  17. California31

    California31 New Member

    Unspeakable pain....words cannot touch....
    I did get help from a group in California: Grief Recovery Institute....www.griefrecovery.com....and they can refer to facilitators around the states...and they do workshops around the country as well. I reccomend them highly.
    I knew, but had it reinforced by the GR people...that it is important to talk about Eric...most friends are afraid to mention your beloved's name. Also there is no time limit on grief...it takes what it takes....there is no formula.
    I used to just hide out at Christmas (after putting on a "festive" celebration for family)...pull the covers over my head...intense pain...words of comfort meant nothing...even though I knew people were reaching out, and being kind...I had a lot of support from friends when I experienced a deep loss...but I was in a fog for quite awhile...
    If you need to stay out of stores...stay out...skip any "tradition" that you need to skip....for now...
    and if you have the energy...I'd urge you to call the people at Grief Recovery..they will listen to you...and give you some resources. (I'm not sure about the rules for posting numbers...or I would list it) I hope you are able to get out of bed...and that the FM symptoms lessen.
    My experience of someone taking their own life is that they are in an altered state...not understanding that there might be a way out of their pain...
    My prayers are with you and Eric.

  18. sascha

    sascha Member

    the grief from the loss of your son is unimagineable. i am so sorry.

    please find as much support and help as you can. reach out for counseling, grief support groups- find everything you can. and don't retire into yourself. eventually i pray that you will gain perspective.

    one's children are the hardest loss to endure. i send you love and strong wishes that you find some help and support very quickly- love, sascha
  19. caffey

    caffey New Member

    I am so sorry. I have absolutely no idea what you are going through. I also have no idea what to say to you. I don't want to sound trite, religious or appear to have a pat answer. In the Bible there is a story about Job. A guy who had every problem known to man. Anyways he had 3 buddies who came and sat beside him for a week and didn't say a word. They just wanted him to know they were there. Can I be one of the buddies just to sit beside you and cry with you. With Christmas just take it one activity at a time and if you don't want to do it or go then don't. Surround yourself with your true friends and family. Try not to be alone too much. Please take care of yourself so you don't end up more flared than you already are. If I can do anything for you please check my profile and leave me a message on the worship board. I will pray for you.
    Cath
  20. Line

    Line New Member

    I am so sorry to hear how saddened you are. I cannot even imagine what you are feeling but my heart goes out to you.

    I will keep you in my prayers that God comforts you and eases your pain.

    Love, Linda