Grieving My Mom

Discussion in 'Comfort, Grief and Advice' started by curefibro, Nov 24, 2012.

  1. curefibro

    curefibro New Member

    My mother died just over two weeks ago and as I have just returned home from her out of town funeral, the family chaos continues. I thought my family would take a breather after the funeral, but I've just been informed that her husband wants to dispose of all her clothes, etc. and clean out her home-office. It's just hurt me more. What's the rush and I know he isn't going to listen to me. Just seems so ridiculous. Not that her things don't need to be dealt with, but right away, two weeks after she died. It seems to me he wants to be rid of all memory of her. I find her things comforting. I was told to come go through her things and take what I wanted. I'm not up to or ready to do that.

    After a clergy member from my church suggested I let my father go ahead with the funeral plans he wanted out of town, and in a cemetry that is a tourist attraction, to avoid further stress to me and my health, again there is insanity taking place and things occurring that I think are wrong. As far as the funeral was concerned it wasn't what I thought she deserved and what I needed as someone of faith. My brother gave a eulogy with made-up facts in it.
    My mother and I were closest in my immediate family and I miss her horribly. I'm not sure what I will do without her. She cared about me and genuinely loved me. She was far from perfect, but I knew she was there for me. Especially since I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and became disabled from it. Her death and the ensuing family drama may be the beginning of the end for me, I'm afraid. It just adds to my hurt. I can't seem to get much peace, time to grieve, or much rest. The fighting and insanity thrown at me just adds to the loss of my Mom. It's so wrong.

    I miss my Mom so much and I still need her very much. Words can't really even describe how I feel. She was the one in our family who was able to deal with the family nonsense. I'm hurting more than I've ever hurt before. How do people get through this? Some don't I imagine.




  2. caring4sd

    caring4sd Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom 9 months ago. the holiday season has been hard on me. Sounds like there are a lot of family dynamics going on. I agree with you that there is no hurry to get rid of all her things. I put my Moms clothes in an extra closet, and when the time is right for me, I am going to cut them up in squares and make a little quilt or coverlet out of them. I think that would comfort me. maybe you can box up your Moms things and someday do something similar with them.

    Try to emulate your Mom in dealing with all the family nonsense. That is a way her legacy will go on, through you. I miss My Mom, too. I think of her all the time. She had her opinions on politics and many other issues, and I remark very often how if she was here she would be glad/upset/smiling, etc. it makes it seem like she is somehow still with me.

    don't try to run away from your sadness or grief. Experience it, it will help lead you through it. Some days you will do great and then other days you will feel like you have taken two steps backwards. It's normal. Hope to keep in touch on here.
  3. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mom. I wish you strength to get through it.

    I wanted to make a suggestion. When you are strong enough, why not have a service either all by yourself, or however you want, and wherever you want, to honor your mother and provide the dignity, respect and truthfulness that you feel she did not get in the original service.

    It can be you alone out in the woods, it can be you and some friends, it could you a clergy member and you alone in the church or you, a clergy member and a few friends in the church. You can think it over and if you want to do that, then you could figure out how you want it done.

    I have known of people who have done this because their relative did not get the service they felt they deserved, so they went to their own home area and did a service or even a Celebration of Life type service. Whatever they did, it gave them much peace. Hugs and prayers.
  4. 080590

    080590 New Member

    i know exactly what you are going through my mums partner disposed of everything of hers and din't tell us about it. my mums is 3 years gone 21st january. few months after my mum passed her partner told me to leave the home so i am living with my real dad this past 3 years. i am completely lost at the minute without my mum and its not a nice thing for anybody to go through. he also stopped me visiting my little brother and sister so every last bit of my mum i had, my old life has been stripped from me so i basically had to start my life over. i hope you are managing alryt?? life is so cruel sometimes