Guess I really did it now

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by PepperGirl52, Jul 1, 2006.

  1. PepperGirl52

    PepperGirl52 New Member

    As all of you who have Fibro know, pain and screaming, obnoxious children DO NOT MIX!

    I had about 15 people over yesterday, for what I thought was going to be an outdoor, swim and sit outside and enjoy the afternoon, birthday party. It was my oldests sister's birthday (today) and my husband's on Wednesday. Plus, I'm having major back surgery on Thursday, so I decided I'd like to see them all before then.

    Well, it rained like crazy, the wind blew like we were in Wyoming or something, and we were all stuck in the house. Except my husband, who was running back and forth, trying to get the meat cooked.

    My neice, who is 35 or so, has 2 girls, 13, and 3. The 3 y/o is spoiled absolutely rotten! I mean, that is putting it lightly! My other sister watches her, because my neice has never been married to either father of either girl, and she's pretty much depended on my 66 y/o sister to cater to their every whim. Which she and her husband do!And, my sister is diabetic and NOT in good health! Her husband is in his 70's!!

    This little monster was running back and forth from outside to inside, getting mud everywhere, which isn't THAT big of a deal. But when her mom (my neice) told her to settle down, she started screaming and hitting and kicking her mother! During that time, I was trying to clean up a mess that my coffee maker had made, and between her tantrums, the kid was bugging me about my dog, and whatever else. I finally just turned to my neice and said (it had stopped raining by then), 'why don't you just let her go outside. We have a swing she can play on, and some toys. That way, she won't be so restless, and she won't be bugging every body else!' HA! Wrong thing to say about the little princess, I guess. My neice did take her outside, but my sister went out there shortly, then came in and said they were leaving. I could tell she was upset.

    I hate it that I hurt my sister's feelings! I really do. She is very sweet, but when it comes to this little brat, there is no reasoning to be had! And her daughter, my neice, has ALWAYS been the kind of person who can say ANYTHING to ANYONE, no matter how rude, crude, or embarrasing, and NO ONE ever stands up to her! Well, guess what? I do! And last night was just the topping on the cake, so to speak.

    I really do hate what being in pain drives you to do at times. But come on, what is wrong with people, too?? Why do WE have to take the blame for losing our tempers or being a lose cannon??? Why can't people just be a bit more curteous and considerate??? I know this will turn into something that will end up putting the blame all on me, because of my pain, my meds, you name it-It will all be because of ME!

    Thanks for listening. I just needed to vent! Any of you ever been in a similar situation?? THANKS! PG
  2. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    Pepper, don't add to your stress by worrying about what others might be thinking. Are you sure she was upset with you? Maybe she was upset with the whole situation ...the rain, her granddaughter, etc..

    If she is upset with you, and you think you should apologize, do so. If you think you don't need to apologize,then bless them and let it go. It sounds like you took on a lot to have so much company. Maybe your sister realized that it would be best to get her granddaughter home for your sake.

    I think we really do best with peace and quiet most of the time.

    Blessings,

    Lolalee
  3. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    I'm sorry I dont think you were out of place its your home.Your sister should have stepped in before you got upset.NOBODY wants to be around a brat ,screaming and hiting their parent.

    They have created a monster and its only going to hurt the child later.She will not socialise with other children properly because they are not teaching her limits.

    This is a child headed for a troubled future if someone doesnt start teaching by example and it sounds like your niece may not be up for the challenge.

    This DD has nothing to do with how rude your niece is and if she is that bad, I'm not sure that little girl has a chance.

    Sorry ,I'm so blunt but, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF ,you are not at fault here.This may wake your sister up in time ,she may even thank you .I'm sure you were much kinder then a stranger might be out in public if she throws this kind of a fit.

    Take care of you ,and good luck on your surgery.
  4. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    I have had similar days in the past, but just do not anymore. This has mainly been caused by deaths in the family and only having one sister left. Part of the reason it does not get to me like that anymore is because that is how I 're-arranged' my life in FM.

    However, I just wanted to say how sorry I am that your celebration was so difficult. I can see that you still have a large family, which of course brings about these obligations.

    I hope you were not feeling too bad when all of that was happening.

    I am sorry you have back surgury for Thursday. I will keep you in my thought and you just rest up before that time.
    You might as well be rested before going through that.

    nyrofan
  5. PepperGirl52

    PepperGirl52 New Member

    None of you were out of line! Your words ring very true!!

    I told my hubby and older sister the exact same thing-they are going to have MAJOR problems with that little girl if they don't get a handle on her behavior now.

    Sadly, my neice has always been one to say hurtful and obnoxious things, and no one ever challenges her, until now. Since I've come down with Fibro, I just reach my limits with her.

    I am sorry if my sister is hurt-she IS my older sister, and I care about her deeply. But there really does need to be a 2 way street of respect here, you know? They have to realize it isn't easy for me to offer my home and put myself into this situation to try to make everyone comfortable. It wasn't anyone's fault it rained all our plans out.

    But, I do totally agree. My neice could have found SOMETHING-she could have brought a coloring book or something for the kid to do! THANKS! PG

    PS I'll let you all know how I'm doing when I'm able. Appreciate your prayers!!
  6. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    try to sit down with the mother as soon as possible and level with her.
    She needs to know that while everyone loves her child, the child's behavior is making it difficult to be around.

    I've told it before here, but I had a friend in California years ago that told me having a child that obeys can be life or death. Her example was two children who run toward the street where a semi is coming down the road at full speed. The child who is used to obeying will stop when you say "STOP", and be spared. The other one will wait for the "One, two , three..." and be lost.
  7. PepperGirl52

    PepperGirl52 New Member

    Sadly, my neice is really not someone who can be reasoned with. She has bascially been treated this way all of her life, too.

    She is the youngest, and when she had her first child out of wedlock, mom and dad took that baby in as if it were their own. Now, baby #2 is here, same song, second verse! They are very wealthy, and have given her land, built her a house, as I said, watch the kids so she can work, etc.

    She's not an attractive girl, and I know my sister feels that she isn't 'all there', too. She's constantly saying she doesn't know what will happen to my neice and the girls when she & her husband die! And she's tried to make her boys agree to help her, which they won't-thus the new home, and a huge trust fund for both the girls!! None of her other grandchildren come close to having or getting what these little princesses do.

    At this point, with this huge surgery looming over me, I think I will either just let this all ride its own way out, or send my sister a nice card, telling her I appreciate her coming to the party, and apologize that it didn't go the way I had hoped. I really don't know what else to do, without stirring the pot even more.

    But all of you are so right-I should have NEVER tried to undertake something like this in the first place! Think I've learned my lesson this time! PG
  8. Gail8899

    Gail8899 New Member

    Met my first grandchild (Kailey) for the first time Saturday. She is just a little over 1 yr old, and she is so spoiled rotten after my son that she throws a screaming fit when he even goes to the bathroom. She wants him to hold her all of the time. No one else will do, just him. It may be that she has seperation issues about him since he just won visitation rights to her a month ago and he does spoil her. Her mom just lets her scream in a playpen, or takes her to her grandparents to watch when she gets tired of her.

    They stayed here Saturday night, and part of yesterday. I have congestive heart failure and all kinds of other health problems, but I didn't put my feet up Saturday or yesterday like I usually do. Just can't go nap when I have company. So now I am swelled up like the goodyear blimp, and have a horrible headache.

    When my son and the baby left last night the dogs and I just looked at each other and sighed in relief...lol. I love that little girl, but this illness sure suits a hermit more than a socially active person.

    ..Gail